Lesbian Couple ... ADVICE NEEDED PLEASE?!

[eshamccly]

Hi there!

I am super nervous to be writing on this forum but I and my girlfriend have been together 4 and a half years and it's getting to the time I want to start thinking about starting a family.

As a gay woman, this can be incredibly costly and difficult and don't know anyone who has been in a similar situation to me!

How would I go about attempting to conceive? I am desperate to be a mum one day and it breaks my heart thinking about it as I have NO CLUE where to start. I also don't have thousands upon thousands to spend on treatments which is what I've kind of looked in to.

Any advice would be so appreciated!

There are a number of routes to think about. Where are you based? Have you got a donor in mind or would you be looking to buy donor sperm?

@sussexmidwife I am in Scotland, Glasgow and honestly have nothing in mind

Would a male friend agree to be a donor? There would need to be some kind of cast iron legal agreement to prevent you from claiming child maintenance though.

It's about £1000 per vial ☹️

Some gay friends in my choir got married and instead of a gift list or a honeymoon fund they asked for contributions to help them afford to get pregnant - as you say whichever route you take it could be expensive! I thought that was super lovely and I was way more excited to contribute than I would have been to contribute to a honeymoon :). Then again it depends on the cost of the wedding offset against that...!!

In terms of practical advice I dont have anything else but am sending you all my best wishes, would like to know how you get on x

I know my very lovely gay Bil has been asked at least twice if he would be a sperm donor. He declined but other men may be keen.

The safest and easiest (but very expensive) way would be to go via a fertility clinic where they’d help you through the process.

The second safest and easiest way would be to order sperm via a reputable company that tests and logs everything properly, but to diy the insertion at home. Still very expensive.

The least safe but cheapest way would be to find a random man who wanted to donate his sperm.

I'm not gay but single.
I conceived via iui with doner sperm it was private but through the NHS it worked out about £750 a cycle 11 years ago (took 5 cycles). The doner sperm wasn't the most expensive bit. I'm not a high earner and took a long time to save.
You could start by getting fertility checked out on the NHS and then visit a clinic to discuss your options. It's not an easy journey but for me was worth it. I have 11 year old twins. As part of the assessment you may have to have counselling (it was compulsory where I was treated) this could help you decide the route you take. It also helped me decide how I would discuss the issue with any doner conceived child and how their conception would effect them, me and the wider family.
The reality is they feel wanted because they were chosen. They have always known about their situation. The doner will be traceable when they're 18 they don't want a dad but do want to say thank you to him in the future which I would support.
You need to consider yours and your partners feelings on doner conception. The stress both emotionally and physically can not be underestimated when going through fertility treatment if you feel you can cope with this go ahead I never regretted it. Best wishes for your journey.

Thank you! X