Hi all,
Sorry this I’m new to this and this is my first post and wasn’t sure where to post so I hope this is right. I’m also sorry this is a bit long, I haven’t got anyone I feel I cam talk to truthfully and in-depth about this, that isn't my partner.
Does anyone else feel so long for a baby that you feel physical symptoms, like it almost feels like a ache in your heart?
I have wanted to start a family for around 5 years, but it hasn’t been the right time for a lot of different reasons, including at the time I was with a partner that didn’t want children. I’ve since left that relationship as it wasn’t right for either of us for a number of reasons. I am now in a very loving and caring relationship with a new partner (we’ve been together 3.5 years). We’ve discussed at length with about having a family and he does want a family together in the future but I think I do get worried sometimes that he will suddenly change his mind (which is completely ok if he does), but I’m terrified of getting older to suddenly be confronted that he doesn’t want a family. I love him deeply and it scares me to think about having to choose between him and starting a family, but I now know in my heart that starting a family is something that I cannot forfeit in my life. My partner and I have just brought our first home with a spare room, which we planned would be for our family to expand in the future, and we are getting married next summer.
In the past year or few months I feel like my broodiness has really ramped up. I feel like starting a family at times is almost all I can think about. I have been reading and listening to podcasts for mothers and families, and I’ve found myself looking at baby clothes in the local charity shops, planning for the baby’s room, what my parenting values would be, and thinking about baby names etc. I’ve been noticing babies and pregnant women around so much more, and have recently had a lot of friends announcing their pregnancy and newborns. I am thrilled for them, but without sounding awful I get pangs of jealousy as I really want that too. Each month I know I’m not pregnant, but when I get my period I feel myself get irrationally sad about the fact its another month I’m not closer to starting a family.
I know having a baby would mean a lot of changes for myself and my partner which I’m not trying to shy away from, and which I’ve started preparing for. I would say that I’m a pretty healthy person already, but I’ve been focusing on getting myself in optimal health through healthy meals and exercise. I’ve also been working on myself in term of finding the right career for me as currently I am not happy in my role, as well as having some counselling for things in my past that I wanted to work through. I am however deeply aware that 1) I want my next career move to be the place I feel settled and happy in and 2) that once I’ve started a new job it will mean that I have to wait to start a family until I’ve passed my probation period and have been there a certain amount of time to be able to qualify for maternity leave, and 3) once I’m settled in a new role I will be able to start saving more for starting a family. I know this is sensible to think about but I’ve making me feel pressured about getting the right thing soon. I’m currently 28 years old so part of me feels like my body clock is unintentionally ticking very loudly at me and I can’t snooze it. I think in some senses I’ve almost been winding myself as I’m worried that once the time is right for both myself and my partner to start a family it will take a long time to actually get pregnant or that I’ll lose another baby.
Ideally I would love to start trying for a baby by the summer next year, shortly before or after we next married but I feel like this broodiness is not going to go away. Has anyone else felt this huge pang to start a family but know that the time isn’t quite right for you? How did you cope whilst waiting for the right time?
Thanks for reading 
Ps. I deleted my original thread because posted something and then worried it was too personal so have just taken that out.