Fed up, DTD issues

[Dlah]

Think I'm just here to rant without trying to look like the horrendous selfish cow I feel like.

I've been off contraception since November 2018, myself and my husband agreed to actively try for our second from March 2019 after our wedding.

Previously he suffered a few minor blips shall we say, trying to DTD, but this was overcome fairly quick and we successfully conceived DD1 in 5 months.

It's now January (nearly Feb) 2020, and we've managed to successfully DTD to completion (sorry tmi) once in nearly a year. I just feel helpless, I've tried not mentioning as I don't want to put extra pressure on him, but I just feel gutted each time.

He's very anti medication, so we haven't tried viagra and he wouldn't entertain the idea of home insemination, and whilst I don't want his views to offend he feels it takes away the child being conceived in love.

Does anyone have anything in regards to positivity around home insemination?

I just feel so crappy right now, trying to support and not pressure him but every month is another lost and I'm not getting any younger

Have you asked him how he "actually" feels about having another child? Is there a possibility that he actually doesnt want one?

Yes, outright and he's 100% that he does - even pointed out we bought the bigger house for that very reason, we kept the baby stuff etc. I just think now the problems happening he can't get out of his head and it's making it worse so keeps happening

Well that's unhelpful!

When you are DTD - is it because you have to (like- ovulating) or because the urge just takes you? Obviously if it feels a chore, that's no good. If its not like that, then there's a definitely a conversation that needs to happen.

I suppose what I'm asking is- is a baby related issue or a general sex issue?

I think it's sex related in general. Excuse TMI, he can get it up and begin to have sex but he loses it mid way normally.

He doesn't know when I'm ovulating for this very reason, I don't want him thinking just for that so we do have sex as and when we feel like it but sometimes I'll initiate over him if I know ovulating in particular

Hmmm. Is that because its going on too long, as it were? Or is it the same no matter how long the session?
I guess it hinges on whether he can do it on his own? If he can then it's a mental issue, as opposed to physical?

No it's not prolonged, maybe 5-10 max, and yes he can by himself which makes me say the same - it's in his head and he can't get past it :(

Difficult one then. Maybe you need to mix things up? Can you go away for a weekend? Have just a stress free chilled time out. I think it becomes a bit samey, and it's breaking the pattern?

Maybe you should take the pressure off and stop trying for a while and just enjoy some foreplay. Ask him if he can try not to go it alone for a while until he is more comfortable with you doing it for him?

Just as an aside... I used to have a bf from a Catholic family who absolutely would not accept a pregnancy outside of marriage. It was so ingrained in him that even though I was on the pill and even using condoms he could not ejaculate while inside me no matter how long he went or how hard he tried to get over it... that's the reason I asked if he was sure he wanted another.

I feel like we've tried most;

We've had a child free night away, added some outfits

He held off doing anything himself in between

Etc, I just wish he'd be more willing to even consider alternatives but I would never make him do something he's not comfortable with