6months trying, no luck - depression creeping in

[SunnyFlover]

Dear ladies,
I am starting to feel extremely low about so far unsuccessful conception journey. It has been 6 months now and we been trying so hard... O caught every single ovulation ( with OPK's), been taking all needed supplements since before even starting to try. Had one ultrasound done that showed nothing wrong. We have built up so many various plans on the back of us getting pregnant ( change of careers as well as potentially even country of residence), that the more months go by without becoming pregnant, the more low and depressed I have started to feel. Crying for no reason, having a hard time to get up in the mornings and have lost al my motivation to anything, all my joy for anything.... No one ever prepared me to just how hard the conception journey may be. I am sorry to all those that have been trying for longer than I did, I feel you and salute you if you are managing to deal with this better than I do.

Not to help the situation- I must have something odd in my system, which makes extra sensitive tests like FRER positive ant time of the month, all the time ( read about it- it can happen). So for the last 5 months a positive test gave me false hope, until I figured out that it means nothing to me.

How to cope with this all...?

@sunnyflover not sure how to help but know that you arent alone.

Today I feel awful. So anxious. I think I am 8dpo on cycle 6, I am scared to test but scared to wait.

I never ever thought this journey would be so hard.

@Rae444 I am exact same - 8DPO, not testing until I actually miss period, but I have already blocked my hopes up... Somehow I feel extremely confused. Every since I stopped BC, I feel aches and pains across the month, in the liver abdomen, it's like my ovaries would be hurting. Sometimes one side, sometimes the other. I would get it not one during ovulation but intermittent across the month...

@sunnyflover same! Then manage to convince myself its because of implantion. Last night I work up because I had sweat so much, so spent most of today googling that!

I havent tested in the 6 cycles yet, just waited it out, this time I might have to give into it.

So frustrating.

12mths to conceive is 'normal'. You're no where near needing to remotely worry yet, presuming there's no other factors like age.

6 months here as well.

I put TTC before finding a new job and I just feel stuck.

Learning to try chill as stressing won't get me anywhere or help.

Over 2 years in and I still feel the heartache - probably more so. Consultants aren’t helpful as they’re very ‘medical’ and not at all personal.

Once it’s been 12 months you can go to the docs if you’re under 35

Hello,
Same here... it's been 6 months. I understand the sadness everymonth and the anxiety during the TWW everytime!

I hear you ladies! 💐 7 months if AF shows next week. No matter what people say to you (only told my two besties) you cannot just relax about it. I never expected when I started my TTC journey that a) it would take so long and b) that it would totally consume my life. All of it made worse by the hormonal sex-crazed psycho I have become now I am no longer in the pill. I hate not having control over my body and hate having constant 'symptoms' with no BFP. I tried to be casual about it all last month (christmas helped) but then got my AF beginning of January and was inconsolable!
Sending you all hugs, we are not alone!

What I did was I read all the scientific stuff about optimum sperm and eggs.

For example, I read something like if sperm were over a week old (he hadn't ejaculated in a week) then some would be dead or sluggish. If sperm were very young (ie he ejaculated in the last 24 hours) then some would be immature and not super swimmers. So then I would time it that we made love 2 days before when I thought I would ovulate (get rid of old sperm) and then every other day after that.

Also if I orgasmed it helps the sperm travel apparently.

It sounds cliché but also things like candles helped me remember it was making love and not just TTC.

P.s. I was also symptom spotting the whole time which was soul destroying when it wasn't true. The 2ww was awful, the best thing was trying to distract myself and keep busy

I gave in and tested this morning, think I am 8dpo and I know its way too early to test. BFN. Amazingly its made me feel a bit calmer.

@Dollywantsareallifedolly exactly! No matter who and how many people tells us to just relax ... it's actually impossible, because even that same thought of it not happening stresses you out each time more and more. Symptom spotting is the worst part... Before this journey I have never really paid attention that much, I was feeling totally fine, but now- aches and pains everywhere down below, sometimes I think I am just imagining it all.

The most heartbreaking part was yesterday, then my partner asked if it is ok to share his brother's toddlers video with me. Of course it is ok! But that mean I must be so upset and visibly sensitive that my own loved ones are afraid to share theirs joys with their kids... This must stop!

Anyway...
@namechangedzzz, watch "The Great sperm Race" on YouTube. It's a documentary, very interesting and informative, puts a lot of things into perspective.

@Rae444 I have also tested...( photo). Ok ladies, it looks positive. But I know that when I preciously tested with FRER, I would get positive even darker than this any time of the month and being absolutely not pregnant. Wasted huge amount of money on it. I must have some sort of exclusion to the rule, as in rare cases pituitary gland produces very small HCG levels, that some tests like FRER ( extremely sensitive) detects. Hence tons of false positives. Now since I am NO longer buying FRER as it doesn't suit me, this time I have used clear blue and cheapie ( these tests are less sensitive and therefore never picked up my "fake" positives prior)... so not sure if this is the same case of something to be hopeful about at 9DPO. I stay levelheaded, at the end of the day- I already had maybe 30 positive FRER tests in the past ( attaching FRER false positives in the photo below also). Total mind f*k 🙄

I feel your pain. I'm 6 months in and literally just sad all the time, constantly worrying and thinking about it, it feels like it will never happen. I totally get you and I don't know of a way to make myself feel better let alone someone else. I just hope that we fall soon...

I don't know about the pregnancy test because if you're picking up on a first response how will you do on others? Perhaps you will have the same issue?? If af doesn't show then you can go doctors for a blood test

That's very odd about getting multiple false positive FRERs ... have you seen a GP? Maybe you need some investigations as to what could be secreting HCG when you're not pregnant?

I don't wish to alarm you, but it's not normal to get repeated false positives. I would go to your GP for a check up.

@PrimeraVez, I know it is not normal... it can even be cancer, but found this article below, that explains all possible reasons, as it's not the Biochemical, it is one of those other 3 reasons. I have a doctors appointment next week, so hoping I will get some answers. Trying not to diagnose myself with the worst...

pregnancylab.net/2011/10/four-reasons-for-positive-hcg-test-in-the-absence-of-pregnancy.html

@sunnyflover I hope that its a real positive for you this time! Having false positves all the time must be horrible, I am so sorry.

I started spotting this morning so I guess that's me out for this month. I usually spot for 3-4 days before my period really kicks in so pretty sure it wouldnt be implantation or anything. Cried for about an hour this morning and have found it very difficult to put on a face and get into work.

I know 6 months isnt long but it feels like a big milestone and ridiculously ever since my teens I have believed I will have problems conceiving. I know, ridiculous!

@Rae444 I am so sorry sweetheart... I know nothing can make it better at moments like this. Can I ask what are you using in your fertility journey? Do you use supplements, OPK's, apps, have you research the frequency of proposed intercourses etc?

I have tried to go on green kale/ spinach cocktails over Christmas ( believe it- I did not even drink hoping it will stick! ), it definitely made me feel better and supposed to increase fertility by giving your body needed micro elements. If these tests are actually the start of something positive indeed- it naught have worked.

As I said- no other test ever showed me a false positive before, not even a 10mlU strip, only FRER's and all time without the failure. I just refuse to use this brand now, so hoping that other tests picking up a real miracle now.

Taking B6 and a general fertility supplement as well as eating healthy 90% of the time. Making sure I get 5 a day.

Using OPKS but trying to not get too obsessed by them, having sex every other day from day 8 - 20.

There are questions over my luteal phase being too short, its 9-11 days..and my cycles are irregular, from 22to 40 days. I also spot before my period for 2-5 days.

I've had blood tests and it was all normal. My husband is going for a sperm sample next week.

OP, I know you've tried everything but I wanted to check if you've been using Conceive Plus fertility lube. I fell pregnant the first cycle we used it and it has great reviews. Just something that is worth a try if you hadn't heard of it. Good luck!

Hi @CatSmize , we are using preseed, nearly finished it so will try Conceiveplus next ! Thanks for the tip!

@SunnyFlover I get exactly the same with FRER and false positives so I don’t use them either. Nice to find someone else the same as me, I thought I was just strange (I probably am haha!)
Been trying 7 months now but my cycles seem to be getting longer so having some tests at the moment to see why.
Just got OvuSense which is helping me understand my cycles. Would really recommend.

I feel ya. 4 years 8 months, and 2 missed miscarriages here. I've accepted that it probably won't happen now - I'm only (nearly) 32 but I still feel like time is running out. I'm grateful for the one DS I have.

@Banoffeepie91 wow, you are the first person I ever come across that has the same issue with FRER, it's so nice to no we are not alone and maybe there's nothing to stress about!!

@SpunBodgeSquarepants honey, I am sorry to hear about your bad luck... Have you been to the doctors, is there a reason why you may have difficulties?

@rae44, sounds like you are doing it all right, I also had a short luteal phase for the last 5 cycles after BC ( around 10-11 days) , so I read up that lots of green leafy veggies help to prolong the phase. I had spinach and kale smoothies through last cycle, and .... this cycle I am on day 12dpo today, and the NON FRER tests age getting darker by the day... I am starting to be hopeful.