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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Keeping positive advice

13 replies

croissantmonster · 25/01/2020 09:52

Morning all, sorry to be a right negative ninny, but I’d love to hear how people keep their chin up when each month is the EXACT same routine: O, great OPK with clear peak, DTD like rabbits, take all the supplements, use the preseed, avoid caffeine, stay fit, sleep well, yadda yadda yadda, only to have a series of BFNs then start spotting and then have period, or skip the BFNs and still have spotting and start AF.
How the heck do I not get sick of this merry go round of hope/hopes dashed/fed up/ hope....?

TTC 6th cycle and was trying not to symptom spot, at least not entertain it too much in my mind. AF due tomorrow/Mon, yesterday BFN on easy@home IC but they don’t get the best rating online (hope). Lots of CM the whole TWW, sore bbs etc etc. Bought a Clearblue Digi and double check as once I get a BFP on a cheaper test I’ll wait a couple of days and confirm with that. Got home and as per every effing month, spotting. It feels like an evil joke and although I’m not superstitious I feel like buying the tests was just arrogant of me.
I am absolutely SICK of being asked when it’s our turn, tired of explaining that ‘it’ll happen when it happens’, fed up of hiding it from everyone close to us. I’ve told one friend who said if I want it too much, it won’t happen (k, thanks 😒).
Sore bbs completely gone this morning, crampy and spotting aka every bloody month. Told DH as he was quietly hopeful (I haven’t shared any ‘symptoms’ at all, I think the symptom spotting together is not good for us two, we get too excited together) and he’s crushed. He’s older than me and approaching 40, surrounded by dad friends.
I know there are far worse situations and I’ve made a list of everything I can think of to be grateful for but I have to get all of this out before I can brush myself off and carry on. Thanks for letting me scream into the internet void for a mo...

Any tried and tested ways to get back into a calmer headspace would be very much appreciated.

OP posts:
Tbug · 25/01/2020 10:51

I'm on cycle 10 and after about 6 I stopped OPK's and over thinking, starting drinking coffee again and went back to complete normal routine and although I'm not pregnant yet, I'm so less stressed and my life is not made up of weeing on sticks and planning DTD xxx

charlesthekudu · 25/01/2020 10:56

Hey, I can't offer any advice just want to say it is really shitty. How old are you? If you're older than 35 then after 6mknths TTC you can ask for a referral.
I also wish I could take a non stress approach. But TRC becomes consuming for me and I just can't not symptom spot or avoid POAS. I do actually think I might skip mumsnet next month as I find myself drawn to all of these threads / tww threads and it fuels my obsession.
Best of luck to you

croissantmonster · 25/01/2020 11:09

@Tbug I want to do the same and then worry I’m making it longer for us by not doing those things. That’s overthinking though I’m sure...food for thought and probably a very sensible suggestion. It is taking over my life a bit, everything feels on hold. Maybe I need to be brave and ditch the tracking etc like you’ve done 🤔

@charlesthekudu I’m 30, my partner is older though. So another 6 months before I can get any help, of course I hope I won’t need it by then.
I can avoid POAS, but as soon as that flipping spotting shows up I’m just as gutted. Agreed I’d also like to have a no stress approach and know I’m the only one stopping me from having it by carrying on tracking and worrying etc.
Good luck to you both 💛 thanks for listening to my little moan xxx

OP posts:
Tbug · 25/01/2020 11:14

Defo try it for a month, thought I'd feel like that but you know roughly two weeks after AF you need to DTD lots, it's honestly so much better and you don't get as upset (obviously it's rubbish) but it's less pressure on yourselves xxx

croissantmonster · 25/01/2020 11:44

@Tbug thank you, just told DH he has to hide the OPKs and he’s on board, nothing to lose as I know I ovulate mid-month and I just end up obsessed. I think sometimes our minds feel like we’re “doing something” by obsessing when all it does it make us feel more responsible for something outside of our control.

OP posts:
charlesthekudu · 25/01/2020 12:05

OP I was sick this month and didn't think too much of it, but it actually delayed my Ov for 8 days and my now my pretty typical 35 day cycle is at 37 with no BFN. So ditch the OPKs absolutely but make sure you're regularly DTD as it's easy for Ov to change!

croissantmonster · 25/01/2020 12:25

@charlesthekudu great advice, the OPKs mean I obsess over dtd in the window, and sadly don’t enjoy it as much, surely better every other day/regularly all month as you say. I think I’ve been seeing it all a bit too scientifically...
Thank you, hope it’s a good month for you xxx

OP posts:
charlesthekudu · 25/01/2020 12:51

I also see it all so very scientifically! But I think next month if it happens every other day (which even tired DH and I should be able to manage! - the box sets will have to gather dust) then we're in with a good chance!

croissantmonster · 25/01/2020 19:56

Yes! Maybe I should cancel our Netflix subscription for a month and insist on every other day, I doubt he’d complain 😆
I think I’m over the worst of the disappointment, ready to just have full flow af and move onto Feb now. Fingers crossed for a productive Feb!

OP posts:
Nat4392 · 25/01/2020 20:32

Right with you here, currently on cycle #5 TTC, getting sick of waking up every morning wondering what cycle day it is. Been seriously symptom spotting and going to try not to this month, it’s just so difficult.

What I’m utterly sick of is people telling me to “relax and it will happen”.

F**K off!!!

Cheesey21 · 25/01/2020 20:36

Are you currently using the cheap OPK strips? If so, I recommend trying the clear blue ovulation kit one month. When I did this I realised I was actually ovulating on CD10 rather than 13/14 which is what the cheap strips were telling me. Also look into SMEP (sperm meets egg plan) and pre-seed lubricant. We caught the first month of using a combination of all 3 after a few months of no luck x

charlesthekudu · 25/01/2020 20:51

I also agree with expensive OPKs, I liked temping too to really feel comfortable with my cycle. And ore seed. I was successful with those for my first baby

Squishy93 · 26/01/2020 08:25

I’ve also stopped using OPKs! Only used them for 3 months but was getting far too stressed about it all. Recently been on holiday which was during my fertile week, decided I didn't want to be peeing on a stick everyday and just relax. I know by body quite well so will just look out for the signs! I definitely feel more relaxed this month. X

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