Scared to test?

[guinicorn]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance for the lengthy thread...

So I'll give you some back story to prevent anything being drip fed. I am 36, partner is 41. TTC since January 2019, fell pregnant in April 2019 but sadly had a mmc on 24th May 2019 at 8 weeks (discovered at 9 weeks - 21st May). I had the actual mc at home with my partner after taking a tablet from the early pregnancy clinic. I can honestly say it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced (apart from gallbladder pain but that's another story!) from what I can only assume were contractions. My partner was amazing and got me through the whole experience but I have been almost 100% convinced since then that something was damaged inside me.

I say that because every sensation I used to experience when it came to period pains and flow etc were completely different to after my mc. I used to get back pains with cramps, I now get stomach pains. I used to get a pretty average flow, I now bleed heavily. I used to get painful boobs every month (was diagnosed years ago with benign cyclic mastalgia) but that only came back in the last few months and not as severe as it used to. I've also developed what I think is ovulation pain! The last 3 months I've had a pain low down in my abdomen that lasts 24-48 hours around day 14 and then goes again, this month I didn't get that pain until day 19...

So as far as dates go:
June - recovering from mc - 31 day cycle
July - Not successful - 29 day cycle
Received letter for gallbladder removal op on 16th Sep - Decided to wait ttc till after this
August - 27 day cycle
Sep - 23 day cycle
Oct - Not successful - 41 day cycle (I think late because the general anaesthetic messed up my hormones)
Nov - Not successful - 27 day cycle
Dec (our first baby was due Xmas eve so a sad xmas this year) - Not successful - 28 day cycle

Jan - Was due to start on 19th/20th no AF yet....

So the point I'm getting to is that I find myself scared to POAS and I don't really understand why... I usually have spotting for a couple of days before my actual flow and have had nothing but white CM so I'm technically 2 days late.

I'm also getting mild cramping on and off but have done for the last 4 days, I've had some very mild nausea and hot flashes at night, I feel worse in the evening and better in the morning and all of this feels so very similar to how I felt when I was pregnant. Feeling like a have a weight inside me low down, feeling dizzy....

Has anyone else experienced a mc so painful you were convinced something was wrong and then went on to conceive? Has anyone else been too scared to POAS? Could I have ovulated late and therefore just be late?

So confused and so desperate for my rainbow baby...

Thank you in advance

Hi @guinicorn

So sorry for your loss. It sounds like we've had similar journeys...I had an early mc in Sept. Have been TTC first child since Jan '19, and my partner and I are 38 and 35 respectively. My MC was natural though, and while the cramps were bad, it doesn't sound anywhere near like the pain you experienced. Just wonder if you have talked to a health professional/GP about that and the changes you've experienced since, as it may be worth running by them. My GP has been really helpful (and reassuring) with tests for me and my partner, and has now referred me to gynocology clinic.

Your cycle lengths seem quite varied (like mine!). Has this changed from before your MC? After mine I had a couple of longer cycles, where I wondered if I was pg, felt too scared to test, but af arrived late so I must have ovulated later. My periods were heavier and much more notable pre menstral symptoms. It takes a while for your body to get back to normal and i too now notice ovulation pain the same as you describe which i never did before. But i do wonder if i'm more hypervigulant to any symptoms now as 12 months is a long time to practice symptom spotting 😂

If you had ovulation cramps later this cycle it's possible you could have ovulated later, which is why you're late. But those cramps may have been implantation cramps (some women feel that) so maybe late could be a good sign, especially if you feel similar to last time you conceived! How long do you think you'll wait to test?

OP, I’m sorry for your loss.

I had an EMC in January last year after conceiving in our first cycle. Mine came on naturally though and was just like a heavy period. I’m wondering if yours was more painful because it was induced (like women say that an induced labour is much worse than natural labour).

I have also had a couple of extra long cycles since my EMC and wasn’t pregnant. I can only assume I ovulated later. I also became super aware of every symptom and every twinge in my body. I was annoying myself with it.

However, my hyper awareness paid off because I knew something was different in late December/early January, on cycle 13. 10dpo, I got my BFP. I’m now nearly 6 weeks so it’s still early days for me but I’m keeping everything crossed that this is my time.

I really hope you get your BFP too.

Morning OP, I had an incredibly painful mc with medical management at 11 weeks 3 years ago which totally changed my cycles afterwards- same as you. Went from pretty regular to heavy, painful, irregular & stayed that way. Also really traumatised by the mc experience & change in my body. Now 39 weeks pregnant & so grateful & happy! Good luck to you xxx

Hi,

Sorry for the late reply, my days are a bit full and evenings are the only 'me' time I can get my hands on sometimes.

@Honolulu1 I'm really sorry to hear of your loss, its been nearly 8 months now but I still cant talk out loud about it with crumbling into tears. My partner was obviously as devastated as I was but there's something about no longer carrying that life inside you that hurts somewhere in your soul and I'm not sure its a pain that will ever leave.

I've met with my GP once in December as I wanted to discuss going onto Clomid, she was very kind and said that with the mc in May and a major operation on Sep my body has actually been through a lot and that I shouldnt be so hard on myself that its taking a while to get pregnant again. She advised that as I'm over 35 I would need to have been trying for 6 months before I can have Clomid and that will be in March this year, so if were not lucky before then, at least I know we will be taking the next step.

She warned about the dangers of taking Clomid such as multiple birth but I reassured her that would be fine as my OH wants 5 all together!

My cycle has always been a bit squiffy but not usually more than 5 days or so either way. So the 41 day cycle I put down to the operation and my 31 day cycle due to the mc.

I cant tell you how reassuring it is that someone else has noticed changes after an mc that were noticeably different to their 'norm'. I just cant get out of my head that maybe something was damaged somehow but scans I've had since have all been 'normal'. I had a cyst on my right ovary in August (had a scan because of the gallbladder and it was spotted then) and a check up scan in November showed that it had gone, no other cysts and the thickness of the wall of my uterus was fine... They didn't advise of anything else found in the check up so I'm assuming I look physically ok on an ultrasound basis.

I bit the bullet first thing this morning and POAS but sadly BFN... I can only assume that I ovulated much later (the pain was on day 19 of my cycle) so perhaps AF will show herself at the weekend sometime...

It was the sensations that made me convinced something was up, I'm the same with being hyper vigilant and take note of EVERYTHING I feel or see. I'm going to take much less notice from now on though, my body is just being cruel and tricking me into a false hope...

@BeingATwatItsABingThing Thank you so much for the positive message, I'm so sorry for your loss but so pleased for you to get your BFP, that really does give me hope! Fingers crossed for you, lots of baby dust, let it be a sticky one!

@howsoonisnow85 Thank you very much for your message, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, its a scary situation... My mum even called an ambulance for me at the height of my pain, I just couldn't take it anymore... Turns out the ambulance never arrived but thankfully I have an amazing OH who got me up on my feet and moving (literally just lifting my legs up and down to start with) and that gradually eased the pain and got everything started. I clung to him with every wave of pain, every 5 minutes and was stood in a plastic bowl because I was scared my body would just let everything go...it was horrific but I would go through that 100 more times if it meant that 101 was a wriggly pink shouting baby in our arms. I cant tell you how happy I am to read that you are 39 weeks... that's beautiful, congratulations and enjoy every second of your new baby

Do you think there is any chance still as we were still DTD when I eventually ovulated...?

How do I keep writing such long comments! Sorry... tired brain just waffling on, time for bed. Thank you again everyone x

Hey,

Sorry for your loss OP.

I also noticed differences, before MC I would have long cycles but usually like 32 days, now my maximum so far is something like 50 days! Never used to notice ovulation pain and now I do. I also used to only ever get cramp 1 day before AF and it would usually last the first 1/2 days and periods were 7 days long. Now I seem to cramp throughout the whole TWW on and off and my period seems to be lighter and only 3-5 days!

No advice as I am still TTC and haven't been successful yet but I honestly know how you feel! Sending you lots of baby dust for your little rainbow x