41, ttc, feeling really low

[TigerJoy]

Been ttc now for over a year. Had all the tests and I'm fine, although low amh score, fertility doc says it's still possible. DH also ok.

Don't know why it's not happening, I'm coming up to mid-cycle again and I can't bloody bear it. Been snapping at DH and ended up weeping loads this evening when he said I was stressed. People keep telling me that stress reduces your fertility which just makes me want to give them a swift kick in their tender parts. I am doing everything I can to be less stressed.

How do you bear the hope? I'm starting to give up now. Considering IVF but chances for us are as low as conceiving naturally and give us only one shot over several months instead of many.

I'm 44 in April and IVF is definitely a no as they dont even use your eggs at this stage. At my age its 50/50 whether I will conceive, if i do its 50/50 whether i will miscarry so I feel how you are feeling. Only way I cope is staying positive. Yesterday I bought 3 months of prenatal vitamins and will start eating healthily from monday, now its into feb I will be eating salads. My odds are even less as I see my bf once for a weekend every 4 weeks. I get that weekend bang in the middle of my cycle but it hasnt worked yet. We do have a week away planned mid april which is my fertile week so that will be pur vest chance so my plan is to lose a bit of weight as I'm overweight in a bid to boost my fertility and cross my fingers. It's hard to stay positive when odds seem to be against you but my advice would be to do everything you can to boost the odds xx good luck xx

Thanks @yladyroll

What do you do to stay positive? I've been doing my best but I just feel like I've run out of steam

Hi Tigerjoy I know its very stressful ttc and every month you get your period your heart breaks, but don't give up hope I am 40 and 25 weeks pregnant so it can happen, its true stress can affect fertility so try to stay calm as much as possible. If you want to ask me anything feel free. Best of luck to you. X

Hello, I know exactly how you feel, I've been crying all afternoon and ignoring the millions of things I have to do.. I'm 38 and we've been TTC after a miscarriage last Jan. I don't yet have a child. I was totally devastated and it took me a long time to recover emotionally. Now I just feel like shit that we can't conceive again and I can't understand what we're doing wrong. Tests show no problems. My husband is incredibly supportive of my emotional rollercoaster, but he has a 13 yr old so I can't help but feel like he doesn't really get what it's like (which is probably a bit unfair).
It's really REALLY hard isn't it? I've been going to see an accupuncturist regularly which has helped me to relax a bit more.. I still get super emotional, but not all the time (as before).
I go for walks in nature every day and have kind trained myself to be mindful of small moments, like a flock of birds dancing in the sky, listening to a lovely piece of music, that kind of thing - just to give myself some temporary relief. My next thing is to try and do some exercise every day, as I put on a bit of weight with comfort eating last year - but also as it does actually help with stress and mood - it's just getting started that's the hard part! Just wanted to say you are not alone, I know how shit this is but don't give up hope. You need it to keep going. Our babies will come to us xx

Ah @dogmama I'm so sorry. What a rough afternoon.

I tried acupuncture and it was good for a bit, but then one session gave me a funny turn and I haven't been back since.

I'm doing the same - I've started working to and from work which is 45 mins each way through a beautiful park. Plus I take my dogs out and try not to listen to music but really focus on the moment. How I'm treading over the ground - sometimes I think about the earth turning under my feet and think about how small I am and how insignificant my problems are.

I'm trying to lose weight but mostly failing!

I have found I much prefer NOT to think about trying. We're dtd every 2-3 days during my fertile period and that's it. At least in theory! All the monitoring makes me feel super stressed.

Oh and @dogmama I am so sorry for your loss. You got pregnant once- that's a really good sign.

Hi @TigerJoy, thanks for your message, resonates so much with me. I had to stop monitoring everything too as I was finding it too clinical and stressful. Some months I have to just take a breather from it so that I that I don't get on the rollercoaster. It wreaks havoc with your sex life! We have recently started going to Relate so talk through a few things, our relationship is solid but sex is a weird, emotive, not so shiny and innocent experience any more, and that seems such a shame to lose our connection that way. It's not every time, but a lot of the time.
Do you have other massage or therapy? I really do believe it helps, even on a subconscious level to relax, reflexology and reiki are good too, or even a sound bath! I was always into alternative therapies anyway but now they are like a life line! And my dog - what wee angles they are, taking us out into nature and into the moment. Thinking of you Tiger, your cubs are coming! x

*angels! ha