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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

DH struggling to... finish

24 replies

Sparkle2020 · 08/01/2020 15:38

Awkward post, I apologise. Month 16 ttc and I’ve kind of avoided the topic with my partner as to why we’re taking so long. It’s been easier to just do the whole taking each month as it comes and ignoring the elephant in the room. Everything was fine before, he could ‘finish’ etc just fine. Now I have made the mistake of suggesting we see a gp for tests to see if there’s something slowing us down, and suddenly he’s struggling to finish. I literally predicted this because I know what he’s like but I didn’t think it would be this bad. He’s finding it really frustrating and getting so annoyed at himself for it that sometimes he just refuses to even BD as he’s too worried about it. I’ve fucked everything up, how on earth do I help?? And when I’ve googled I’ve found the whole ‘get him to finish himself off and quickly reinsert’ 🙄 really don’t want suggestions like that as I just want our relationship to be normal again.

Sorry for awkward post this is so embarrassing.

OP posts:

moondust59 · 08/01/2020 17:14

We've had a similar issue... my OH said it's because his whole life it's been drilled into him that the worst thing he can do is to get a girl pregnant so as soon as it comes down to TTC it's like he's battling with his own brain. Not sure if it'd help but his go to finish position is doggy, could be worth a try?

HalfPenny28 · 08/01/2020 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Banoffeepie91 · 08/01/2020 17:39

Sometimes we have this problem particularly when I’m in my fertile period because TMI apparently it feels wetter then so he struggles. I don’t get it but who am I to judge. Anyway... I got some sample pots and syringes from amazon and if he’s struggling then just does it into that and I put it inside me. No idea if it works but makes me feel better that we haven’t missed anything!

Original poster

Sparkle2020 · 08/01/2020 17:59

Thanks everyone!! Just feels very disappointing (I don’t say that of course) but I just feel so deflated after like I know I should just enjoy sex for what it is But that’s a struggle isn’t it when all you want is a baby :/

OP posts:

Ylladyoll · 08/01/2020 18:16

I think making sex more fun for him like plenty of blow jobs, focus on his pleasure might make it less like your only doing it for the one thing?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 08/01/2020 18:19

I think it's the fact sex has become about having a baby rather than having fun.

He feels there's a pressure on him now and he's not 'achieving' because he can't get you pregnant.

Make sex fun again. Try not to focus too hard on ttc. It took us 18 months of 'seeing what happened'. It took my friend 4 years.

If you want to, go and get tests for yourself first.

Is a baby as big of an issue for him as it is for you?

BabyB19 · 08/01/2020 19:02

Hand job/blow jobs/sexy underwear/new positions, let him know you don't care where he 'finishes' I know that's awful because it will feel like a wasted shot! But at this point maybe prioritise your relationship for a little while to take the pressure off him and then hopefully he'll be finishing inside you again in no time. It must feel so emasculating for a guy to feel like this so make him feel like the macho man again x

bluemoon2468 · 08/01/2020 19:27

My DH has asked me not to tell him about ovulating/fertile window etc. He'd rather I just initiate because then it's more about sex rather than him just thinking baby all the time which is the opposite of arousing. I'm sure he can guess what's going on when I'm initiating more regularly than usual, but he says that it's still better not knowing and he can imagine it's just for fun.

Ylladyoll · 08/01/2020 20:13

You can make a deal like.... the first shot is inside you, the second shot can be anywhere he likes ????

HalfPenny28 · 08/01/2020 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Sparkle2020 · 09/01/2020 01:21

Thanks again for the replies!! Yeah he is just as desperate for a baby as me but I think I’ve just like... flicked a switch in his mind that’s making it more real maybe? I don’t know. Yeah I’ll probably just not mention the whole fertile window thing to him anymore I guess and make sex fun again.

Does anyone know. If I go to docs to get tests does he have to be included? Does he have to know at all? Cause I’d still like to get tests myself but yeah I don’t think he’s in the mindset for that right now.

OP posts:

GiveHerHellFromUs · 09/01/2020 05:26

He doesn't need to be included - you're two different patients.

AquarianSquirrel · 09/01/2020 05:31

Use a plastic syringe for homemade AI. A bit gross but it worked for us. Oh and sit with your legs in the air for a while afterwards!

AquarianSquirrel · 09/01/2020 05:32

As in he wanks in a recepticle! Then you use the syringe.

Original poster

Sparkle2020 · 09/01/2020 14:00

Think those would have to be last resort I really don’t want to make my relationship to start feeling clinical :( that’s good to know @GiveHerHellFromUs I’ll still see doc then thank you

OP posts:

ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia · 09/01/2020 15:26

I have no suggestions but wanted to say you aren’t alone... 1 year TTC here, I honestly think it hasn’t happened yet because we don’t DTD enough.. when we try and ramp up the sex during fertile period he just can’t finish due to the pressure of needing to finish, it if that makes sense and we both just feel shit because we want to be parents so badly but you know you’re not in with a chance as the ‘vital thing’ hasn’t happened... I feel like I resent him
when it happens which is AWFUL and I feel horrible typing it..
I’ve just tried to completely take my foot off the gas for the last couple months, I’ll try and step things up next cycle I think..
Good luck OP X

Original poster

Sparkle2020 · 09/01/2020 16:58

@ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia absolutely understand with the resenting thing it’s really making me annoyed at him even though it’s not his fault

OP posts:

Thistle23 · 09/01/2020 17:49

Mine always says he's too tired and we don't even have sex .

I'm getting fed up with it . I think he thinks a stork is just gonna appear at the window 🤦‍♀️

GiveHerHellFromUs · 09/01/2020 18:31

@Thistle23 I'd say that's more likely to suggest he doesn't actually want a baby. Have you spoke with him about it?

Thistle23 · 09/01/2020 18:47

@GiveHerHellFromUs

I really don't think that's the case. Just unfortunate that when I'm coming in from work he's going to bed and when he's getting up I've only just went to my bed.

He's a shift worker as am I so I do understand it but it's so bloody frustrating.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 09/01/2020 18:49

@Thistle23 ah I take it back then, sorry! Must be crap for you not being able to spend proper time together

Thistle23 · 09/01/2020 18:59

@GiveHerHellFromUs

it's a nightmare.

Ylladyoll · 09/01/2020 19:06

Have a baby moon, a week away to just fool around together away from home

ifonly1111 · 09/01/2020 21:52

@Sparkle2020 I had a really similar situation with my partner. He can perform the first couple of times in a month but really struggles to finish after that. I got a little kit with a pot and syringe to use as a fall back option. It just takes the pressure off him and stops me worrying that we've missed a crucial slot.

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