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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Thoughts on trying for a baby..

20 replies

Laur11 · 27/12/2019 17:59

Hi everyone, this is my first post on here.. my fiance and i are 25 and 26 years old and have been together for nine years, we have lived together for 2 years, due to be married in April 2020. I work part time, my fiance works full time in a good job. We are very happy and have decided to start trying for a baby.. we mentioned this to the future MIL and she was not happy saying that we are too young, i do not drive and that she thinks it is a mistake.. this hasn't put off me fiance, but it has worried me about peoples thoughts a little.. i know i shouldn't care, but its something o struggle with.. I'm a people pleaser..

Does anyone else think its a bad idea??

OP posts:

MrsCl19 · 27/12/2019 19:11

Don't listen! I had my dd at 22 was married at 21 best thing I did!

Do you live close enough to walk/bus places? Being a new mum can get lonely but aslong SS you can get out for a walk have a good support network you'll be fine!

CFlemingSmith · 27/12/2019 19:14

I’m 23. Married. 2 mortgages. 1 DS. Life has never been better. Go for it!

You’ll be the one laughing when your child has finished school and you’re only in your 40’s so can still go out enjoying life!

CFlemingSmith · 27/12/2019 19:15

However...I couldn’t have lived without driving with a baby. And financially you might be better off pre-baby to learn to drive etc as it can get costly. But obviously that’s totally dependent on where you live! In London I never used my car, but now In the country it’s a necessity

Dearryme · 27/12/2019 19:20

So you are going to start trying now? When the wedding is arranged for 4 months time?? Or are you saying you’re going to start after the wedding?

If you are going to start now I would say bad move...for many reasons, the main two being what if you are Really sick in pregnancy...then the wedding is ruined technically! And also not to be pessimistic but what if you miscarry in around the time of your wedding?...again...wedding ruined!

Just wait until after imo

Dearryme · 27/12/2019 19:21

Oh and yes learn to drive!!

firstimemamma · 27/12/2019 19:21

I'd wait until after the wedding then try. Pregnancy is a big physical change and some women feel unwell throughout their pregnancies (and that isn't me projecting my own issues - I personally was fine!). First trimester goes notoriously hand in hand with feeling sick and no-one wants to feel rough on their wedding day. Sorry to be negative. On a brighter note I don't think driving is an essential and I don't think you're too young either. Just do what works for you

PastaSauceHoarder · 27/12/2019 19:33

If you're financially stable and totally committed to each other then what does it matter what anyone thinks?

The year I turned 21 and DH 23 we got married, had our first daughter and got a mortgage on our lovely house. No-one ever said we were too young! I'm now 23 and expecting our second child in two weeks time, we couldn't be more happy and settled. 💛

sewinginscotland · 27/12/2019 19:47

Unless you are having a very low key wedding, I would also probably wait until April to start trying. Age aside, I got pregnant 2 months after I got married and do kind of wish I'd left it a little longer so I had time to enjoy being a newly wed.

I'm assuming since you don't drive, you live in a place with good public transport/is very central. If it's not an issue now, it won't be with a baby! However, if you do want to learn to drive then before having a baby is a good time because they are money pits.

To be honest, I just wouldn't tell people you're TTC. When you get pregnant, they can only congratulate you (and probably ask whether it was an accident, but you can tell them that's none of their business).

MiniGuinness · 27/12/2019 19:49

I don’t think age plays a huge part, I think it is more about experience. Why do you only work part time and why don’t you drive?

Bluerussian · 27/12/2019 20:00

It isn't your MIL's business or anyone's except yours so pay no attention. In your place I'd give it a year before trying though, enjoy yourself as a young, free couple a bit longer and you will have enough excitement with your wedding next year.

Have some driving lessons (unless there are really good reasons you can't), it will give you more freedom and independence to be able to drive, especially when you do become a mother.

Good luck !

Mollie3 · 27/12/2019 20:12

No it’s not a bad idea it’s your life go for it! You don’t know anyway if it might take a while as I’m sure previous posters have said too. I’m sure ppl opposed to it now will love the baby once they are here! And so what if you r pregnant on your wedding day it’s your day so if you wanna be pregnant that’s cool. If you have to get your dress altered it’s for a good cause. Good luck x

Original poster

Laur11 · 27/12/2019 23:44

Thank you everyone.

Few responses to questions..

I am getting married in a registry office, under ten guests, then a nice meal afterwards.. we don't have a huge family and wanted something low key. So I'm not too fussed about being pregnant then.

As for why i only work part time, the first reason is i love love love my job, but it is only a part time role and with my soon to be husbands income it is not a necessity for me to work full time and does not affect our quality of life.

My reason for not driving, is due to an accident and i have just not gotten the confidence to get back behind the wheel as of yet.. I'm sure one day i will, but where i live the public transport is really very frequent and I've managed fine with it so far.

I think we will just play it by ear, we own our home, have savings, jobs are both secure and we enjoy them, so i might just see what happens.. 🙂

OP posts:

Yorkshirelass04 · 27/12/2019 23:49

I say go for it, you sound confident about where you are in life. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

It seems to me the only age people don't comment on women having kids is around 30. Younger than that is 'too young', older is 'hurry up'!!

Crazymummyto3 · 28/12/2019 00:29

I don't think there is ever a 'right time' to have a baby IMO. It's too hard to be the 'right' age, right place financially and in your personal and work life too. If you waited for all of that to sync together you'd probably be waiting forever! If you feel as though you are stable enough in your relationship and can afford it then go for it if that's what you want.

I met my husband when I was 18. I studied university for 4 years, we got engaged, the wedding was booked and I'd only been working for 3 years when I had our first baby. I was only just 25 years old and 6 months pregnant when we got married (planned) and we were renting a house at the time. I remember my Mum being horrified, she thought I'd ruined my life, wasted my time at university and spoiled my career and that we wouldn't stay together. It has been the complete opposite! We now have three children and are trying for our fourth, we live in a nice 5 bed house, I've progressed in my career and earn enough to be able to work part time and we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and 17 years of being together this year. If we'd listened to my Mum we wouldn't be where we are now. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, you need to do what feels right for you and that's all that should matter. That's something that's taken me a lot of time to realise and has come with age though.

Sammyclaire22 · 28/12/2019 07:55

Sounds to me like you are both in a great place to expand your family, mil are funny old things at times so take what she says with a pinch of salt. Maybe she had issues with her children? Lack of support or she felt too young? Either way you are different people in different times and every baby is different! I'm sure when baby arrives she will have some advice and opinions you smile and nod at, and others you take on board. (Aming other things mine told me my 9mo should be potty trained )

If you are ready, i found stop trying to not get pregnant is a good way to start. It's less of a thing mentally than actively looking for fertile windows etc and lets you find your body's rhythm without contraception etc

misspiggy19 · 28/12/2019 08:02

^Only 25 years old and already reliant on your fiancé

RunningAroundAgain · 28/12/2019 08:13

I don't think it's the end of the world not being able to drive with kids. Both of my sisters in law manage, but then their husbands drive.
Personally, I love the freedom it gives me and the kids to be able to jump in the car and drive myself, but if you've good public transport near you, see how it goes.

CFlemingSmith · 28/12/2019 08:36

@misspiggy19 Oh how dare she be reliant on her husband! The world will end.

Original poster

Laur11 · 28/12/2019 09:41

@misspiggy19 Oh no no, absolutely not reliant on my fiance at all.. my income from my own job is more than enough for me, i do not expect anything from him at all. I contribute to the household too.

I worked full time since i was 18, all the way through open university, i worked full time in the day and then on the evenings i studied.

I had some mental health issues, went for a part time role, loved it and chose to survive on a part time income in order to keep having job satisfaction. I am just lucky that my fiance's income is enough that i can continue to stay at a job i love and not feel pressured to work full time and have to leave my current role.

@RunningAroundAgain Yeah my fiance drives, i can drive also, just need mg confidence to come back. 🙂

OP posts:

Mylittlerainbow · 28/12/2019 10:15

Go for it!! If you feel ready and so does your fiancé, then don't worry what other people say. Even if they do say things, you've given great responses to everything that could come up so people wouldn't have a leg to stand on anyway.

It's your life and people (MIL especially) won't care how old you are/whether you drive etc etc once the baby is here.

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