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Debating waiting

10 replies

ItalianinLondon · 14/12/2019 23:57

A bit of background... I have 18 month twin girls and both DH and I would love to have another child at some point. Originally we were planning to wait 3/4 years...mainly to save and also because of my work (I work in research and it would be great in an ideal world to progress a bit in my career before another mat leave!).

However... I also have lupus and pregnancy was risky (and ended up being very difficult). I am worried that if I wait longer it's going to only get more risky / difficult and might also lead to my condition getting more problematic, i.e. trigger a flare which causes ongoing problems. I had quite serious kidney probs during pregnancy which thankfully resolved afterwards. But a second time I might not be so lucky.

I guess the obvious answer is "seek expert advice" but the problem is that it's hard to predict. So I'm in a quandary! Should we try now, while I'm young(ish) and healthy and there's less risk? Or take a risk and wait? Or, alternatively, be happy that we have two gorgeous, healthy girls who have a healthy mum and not try again at all?

I'm in such a quandary about this that I'd truly be thankful for any input or advice at all!

OP posts:
ItalianinLondon · 15/12/2019 08:54

(And sorry, I know this is really random... but it would help to hear what people think, from people who actually don't know me!)

OP posts:
BabyB19 · 15/12/2019 09:06

@ItalianinLondon it's not really much use but I don't think anyone can truly answer this question for you 🤦🏽‍♀️ I would personally always put health over money and if you know it could involve further health risks by waiting then I say go for it. Good luck whatever your decision x

ItalianinLondon · 15/12/2019 11:22

Thank you for replying! I think that you're right, it's only for me to decide, but I'm just really unsure! DH is worried that it will affect my health but I'm more worried that it will end up affecting my health worse if I get pregnant later down the line, or that I might not be able to get pregnant at all :/

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BabyB19 · 15/12/2019 11:29

@ItalianinLondon we can think on it forever and a day but unfortunately you can only plan so much. Maybe go and have a chat with you GP and get a medical stand point and go from there?

CatintheFireplace · 15/12/2019 11:34

How does the lupus affect you day to day, looking after the twins? Would another child be manageable? I don't know much about lupus I'm afraid but my DP has an autoimmune disease which makes him exhausted so we have decided to only try for one child. Good luck making your decision Flowers

NicoleR14 · 15/12/2019 15:19

I also suffer from lupus and we are currently ttc #1 id love to know how you got on with your first pregnancy me and my DH are both 20 and ttc for 3 months now and currently 9dpo! I haven't read to much into ttc with lupus as I know I'll overthink it and stress myself out more! Thank you!

ItalianinLondon · 15/12/2019 17:02

Hiya,

@CatintheFireplace to be honest, I am quite well at the moment - I only get a very little bit of joint pain / fatigue and it generally wears off with a good night's sleep. I take hydroxychloroquine, which is safe to continue with during pregnancy, and it has worked for me very well.

@NicoleR14 ooh, good luck! My advice is to try when your symptoms have been in remission for a while and get the medication sorted beforehand - most you can continue to take during pregnancy but there are a few (Cytoxan, etc.) which you cannot. I was actually very well for the first half of my pregnancy, but I was monitored quite closely because the twins were MCDA, so it was anyway slightly higher risk. At 18 weeks I had kidney problems diagnosed from routine bloods and they became quite severe. There was a risk that they could have continued to worsen and I could have ended up needing dialysis, but fortunately this wasn't the case and it had cleared up a lot pre-pregnancy. I also got very tired and had a lot of aches and pains towards the end, but I was huuuuuge!! So this might very well have been the same even without the lupus.

Good luck and I hope this hasn't been too negative - on the whole, I did ok and I was able to continue work for quite a while (although I had to stop earlier than I would have liked because I was just getting so tired!). It is in any case just my experience and I know others who had a totally straightforward pregnancy and actually felt very well for the whole 9 months!

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WhatchaMean · 15/12/2019 17:07

I'm afraid I don't know anything about lupus so not sure if my advice makes sense in isolation. But my feelings in general are not to wait (once you've agreed this is what you both want), and not to focus on 'trying' either, but to just see what happens. I know it's completely different but so many people wait, and then try so hard and it can just take over.

WhatchaMean · 15/12/2019 17:08

And of course, only if your doctor says it's ok too

NicoleR14 · 15/12/2019 18:07

@ItalianinLondon thank you for the advice! I haven't met anyone else with lupus so was very unsure about how pregnancy would go and was terrified to start googling! Fingers crossed for you ttc baby number 3!🤞🏼

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