Pregnancy Envy?

[MegMc]

Hi all, I'm new around here and was hoping to find some words of wisdom/comfort with you all.

My name is Meg, I'm 31, my husband and I have been TTC for 3 years and have suffered two miscarriages in the last 18 months, both before 6 weeks. I recently had some blood tests done to which I received the result that I have Lupus anticoagulant, a blood disorder which causes me to have thick, sticky blood, meaning a baby isn't able to get the blood supply it needs to survive, the wonderful doctor has given me everything I need for next time I get pregnant to prevent miscarriage, blood thinners, steroids and high dose of folic acid. But I am not to take anything until I have a confirmed pregnancy.

This in itself i have got my head around, it is what it is, the part I'm struggling with is that EVERYONE in my life seems to be getting pregnant around me, my brothers wife, my husbands brothers wife, and two of my best friends have all unveiled their pregnancies to me in the last month, I feel like I cant catch a break, as happy as I try to be for them I cant stop the overwhelming feelings of jealously. It just feels like a constant reminder that were still not there, and theres only so many more times I can hear "your time will come". I also work in a nursery with under twos, so am surrounded by babies alot of the time, along with comments from others like "why do you not have children? You would make a great mum"

So my question is, how have you coped with pregnancy envy? Does it get easier? Any tips for when all these babies actually arrive and even my home life isn't an escape from the constant reminder that I'm not there yet? I find myself avoiding situations where pregnancy is a topic of discussion and I really dont want this to affect my relationship.

Thanks for any advice
Meg xx

Hi @MegMc ,
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. But you know , you are already a mother, you are taking care of the baby that is on its way to you, you have made a plan with amazing doctors to do everything in your fibre that you can to protect your baby ! You're amazing !! Xx

Those emotions are pesky for sure , and I don't know if I can say how or when they go cause I think we all get them until we get our little babies! But just let life wash over you as it comes, let the pain slide over you like it's water and you're oil and just know, rest assured, the wheel of life is still in motion. One day you're up, one day you're down. It's not a race but as they say, in the end it's only against your self.

lots of baby dust to you xx

Hi Meg,

It’s crap isn’t it?! Everyone seems to be casually getting pregnant just by looking at each other and it’s so frustrating being excited for them when you just want to know when it will be your turn!

I don’t know when/how it gets any easier, but I just tend to smile and congratulate them and then come home and have 5 minutes crying on my husband/dog; then blow my nose and carry on...and remind myself that there isn’t a limit on how many babies can be born each year, and that their getting pregnant isn’t taking away my chance to get pregnant!

It’s tough, but it sounds like you are doing everything right and you’ll get there eventually 😊

Hi @MegMc - I empathise, it's really bloody hard. I spent years congratulating family and friends on their pregnancies, buying presents for baby showers, newborns, christenings, first birthdays, and it seemed miraculous to me that two people could just have sex and boom get pregnant, when it would take DH and I a round of hormones and injections and procedures and angst (not to mention thousands of pounds) and even then a positive might not last. I was dying inside.

The fourth round was the one that worked for us and I have a c-section in two weeks. I'm praying that we'll finally have our baby in our arms but I can't take anything for granted.

I think it's great news that you've been diagnosed with a condition that you can be treated for - part of my emotional struggle was not knowing why treatments were failing. "Unexplained" is so hard because it can't be fixed. I have everything crossed for you - good luck!

Thank you so much for all your kind words, you have no idea how much it has helped me today reading through your responses. It's so comforting to know there are people out there who can really sympathise with your emotions and that I'm not just a crazy over thinker. Unfortunately I dont have anyone in my life that truly understands the pain and emotions involved with trying to conceive, you couldn't be more right about people just looking at each other and getting pregnant 🤣. I feel like even if I wanted to talk to my loved ones about it, I dont want to put a downer on their exciting news or take away their special time by seeming to make it about me. Sometimes life is just really shit, but I'm trying to focus on the positives in my life, I have a loving husband, a stable home and wonderful supportive parents. I hope all your journeys result in success and happiness too and you all have a wonderful christmas, all my love xxx