My new boyfriend doesn't want kids..I'm 35

[Kittykitty119]

Help! I need advice.
After being in an abusive relationship I finally got out and I'm now dating the most wonderful man I've ever met. We've been dating 8 months. It's been amazing. We are both deeply in love with each other.
We went out and got drunk and I told him I would like to have a baby with him one day and now he's completely freaked out and he told me he 100% doesn't want any children. He is 38. His last girlfriend had two children (not with him) so I'm just completely baffled why he's gone AWOL just mentioning it and does this mean the end of our relationship as I'm guessing children are such a deal breaker. Heart actually feels like its breaking. Please any advice welcome.
K

Just to note I said children one day with him not right this second. Like in a few years before I turn 40 (if I can)
That kind of means that you need to get a move on though. If you want kids age 39 (before 40), and TTC tnormally takes up to a year then you need to start TTC at 38. You might want to live with a partner first for a year to see if you're really compatible so age 37. You might want to date him for a year before you move in so age 36 you need to meet him. Of course you can go quicker but waiting 8 months to ask if someone wants kids is taking it very (too) slow at your age,

I think this is a very good reason to end a relationship.

I did. I started seeing someone post divorce. He didnt have kids and wanted one. I am not having anymore. I dont want anymore. It wasnt right to stay with him, with him hoping I would change my mind.

I could have written this 20 years ago, I nearly had a nervous breakdown over it. Wonderful relationship but he’d had a vasectomy, I was 35.
I decided to cut my losses, met DH 6 months later and two lovely DC by the time I was 40. If you want children then you need to do all that you can to have them, otherwise you’ll be regretful for the rest of your life, and probably end up hating your partner.

Aah this post makes me sad ☹️ you must be feeling down, you’ve met someone who you really love and it’s reciprocated but there’s an elephant in the room. My dp is a lot younger than me, doesn’t particularly want kids right now and we are trying, because I’m in my 30s and times on my side. The difference is he does want them eventually just not now. I don’t think your partner is going to want them ever at his age and he’s had plenty of time to think. I don’t know whether there could be an underlying issue maybe? I can understand why people would be scared to have children but once you have them you do realise how amazing it is.
I think you need to have a serious chat with him, explain to him how important is it for you and ask his reasons for feeling otherwise.

You need to put yourself first, and this is a big deal.

Xxx

I also came to love someone very dearly. We were at different stages in life, though we were the same age. Although we loved each other, I had to move on because he wasn't ready for marriage or kids. I met DH and had 3 in my 30s. He didn't have any until he was 39 after he married a woman 7 years younger. That would have been too late for me.

It's very sad, but we were incompatible.

If you are 100% sure that want children and that that matters more more to you than anything else. I would end the relationship. Don't carry on with the hope that he will change his mind or you will end up resenting him ans the relationship will end anyway.

If you are 100% sure that want children and that that matters more more to you than anything else. I would end the relationship. Don't carry on with the hope that he will change his mind or you will end up resenting him ans the relationship will end anyway.

Please listen to this. He might want to stay with you and "wait it out" - and that will make you resent him and regret your choices. Or he might even be like a friend of mine's husband who said yes to children when they married, then changed his mind to no, never, and when she was 40 he left her for a young woman and had a child almost immediately. She is alone and childless.

If you want children, this is not the man for you. At his age he probably knows his mind and if he says no it's a no.

Sounds like he’s pretty certain on this and would you really want to stick around hoping that he will change his mind? Like others have said, 8 months is relatively short in the grand scheme of things. The pain of a break up is likely to be less than the pain of forever wishing you had had children. And what if you break up for some other reason 2-3 years down the line? They’ll be plenty of men out there who want the same thing in life. Just give yourself time to heal first and be kind to yourself xx