To worry this much about conceiving a 3rd child at 42 with embryos created 8 years ago?

[Firecracker2019]

(Posted in AIBU too....)

I want to try for a 3rd child and DH is willing, though not as keen as I. I'm pretty conflicted myself but have been wanting to try on and off for about a year and the feeling isn't going away. I don't want to regret not trying later down the line but still....
Holding me back are worries about late pregnancy loss / stillbirth / a premature or otherwise difficult birth / a disabled child?
My embryos are from me at age 34 so not the same risks as conceiving afresh now at 42. But how risky is pregnancy itself for me? And am I right to worry so much about all the possible risks to me and any baby? And also worry about twins or more....! I worry about the impact of any issues on not only me or baby but also DH and our two kids.
How does anyone try for a third child, or more than that?
I've had two early miscarriages previously and have two healthy children and had two births without any lasting issues or medical emergencies.
DH says my gut is telling me to stop now at two. I had worries with the previous pregnancies which proved right in two out of the four. But I still felt more able to ignore the worries about all the possible what-ifs and try to get pregnant (again).
Equally I can't shake the feeling of wanting to try for just one more. I worry my two kids are growing up top fast, won't get on as adults, won't stay close to me (not necessarily physically!) or that one might get ill or something bad happen to them at some point...
I'm going crazy.
How real are the risks and how does anyone get past them to try for a third?

OP I am pregnant with my 4th baby at age 40 (from an embryo frozen when I was 37). Like you I wanted one more go, DH wasn't keen but it was also clear that this is what I really wanted so he agreed to go for it. The pregnancy has been fine, a lot of morning sickness but the baby looks good so far at 27 weeks. In terms of risks, I lost my first baby to rare birth complications full term (vasa praevia) when I was 34. I was much younger and was low risk in every way - it was a text book pregnancy (except for it being IVF). What I am saying is that there is always a risk but if this is what you want, and your DH is on board, don't let fear stop you. There are risks to everything in life. You have to seize joy where you can!

OP as long as you are fit and healthy yourself why would you worry? I've just carried a twin pregnancy at age 41 with no issues at all (it ended prematurely at 34 weeks due to complications of a twin pregnancy - nothing to do with my age whatsoever), and my twins are now happy healthy bouncing 6 month olds. I've come out of the pregnancy in better shape than I've been in for years as I've made an extra effort to look after myself. You will have extra monitoring for things like GD and blood pressure issues during the pregnancy as these complications are slightly more common at our age but there no reason not to go for it. I will be trying for baby number 3 next summer at age 42 and cannot wait.
Good luck xxx

I agree you have to “seize joy where you can”. And for me that was being happy with what I had - 2 healthy DC who get on so well and we have the perfect set up for us. We decided not to try for a third, and never regretted it. But you obviously feel very strongly and you of course have embryos there waiting which presumably makes the urge stronger (my friend has one more embryo in storage and feels like she can’t leave it there). Good luck!

I started my family at 42 and am due DC2 at 44. Natural conceptions with older eggs than yours. This pregnancy has been my easiest- completely uncomplicated. There are reasons to stick at two but not ones that have to do with your health.

CritterPants congratulations! And also huge sympathies for your losses, the full term one must have been especially hard. It's the kind of thing that terrifies me tbh and something I think about far more now than I did with my first pregnancy (which was IVF so fraight) or with my subsequent ones including the last one which gave us our youngest. I did have major anxiety that time after two mcs right before it and felt I couldn't acknowledge or bond with baby properly until about the half way point.

CritterTamer congratulations on your twins and good luck for the next TTC. Twins, especially if premature, does also scare me tbh, mostly because of the impact of any complications on my existing two kids and also because going from 2-4 kids would be quite different to going from 0-2. (By my logic no one would ever try for a third!)

Petra congratulations to you!

Cakecrumbs that's an interesting and very powerful perspective and one I think my husband shares and is puzzled as to why I don't see it so simply.

It is so tough. I have 3 DCs but my decision to do so was caused by my first pregnancy to some extent. Extremely premature twins, one of my daughters died in hospital, her sister has some learning disabilities.
I was in my 20s, fit and healthy, text book pregnancy. You just can never know.
Next two pregnancies were perfectly healthy single babies, born at term with no complications despite the fact that I was older. None were IVF so I didn't have the additional complication of having 'younger' eggs to use.
Don't we all just wish we had a crystal ball! But I know after DC3 (well, technically DC4) I had very keen feeling of having 'gotten away' with two healthy babies and that I didn't want to risk anything further? If that makes sense?
Good luck making your decision

AWhistling so sorry for your loss. I do feel lucky with my two being healthy and well and fear of a next time not working out so well sometimes / usually dominates my urge for a third. But not always. I guess no decision is perfect or without regret.