Sex after miscarriage

[MrsG3]

I just wondered whether anyone else is struggling emotionally with sex after a miscarriage?

We found out at our 12 week scan at the end of September that our baby didn't have a heartbeat so I had medical management the following day. I found this utterly awful both physically and mentally but thought the worst was over. To cut a long story short the bleeding continued for weeks in which time I haemorrhaged a few times, went to hospital twice, became anaemic, ended up in A&E with heavy bleeding and an infection and then finally had surgical management at the end of October. It's just felt like weeks of scans, bleeding and tests and has been physically and emotionally draining.

It's now been 2 weeks since the surgical management, the bleeding has completely stopped and I had a negative result on a pregnancy test this morning. My husband has been utterly amazing throughout the whole process, he's been so supportive and understanding and by my side throughout. We've already discussed trying again which we're both keen to do once my cycle returns to normal but my problem is this...I can't seem to get my head around the idea of having sex again 😞

I love him and I miss being close to him and it's not as if we're immediately trying to get pregnant but I feel completely emotionally detached from that area of my anatomy. It all just feels too medical and not sexual. Has anyone else felt the same? Or have some advice about how to reconnect with it all? I feel physically better but emotionally lost and when I tried to explain this to my husband he felt that I'd lost my connection with him and didn't feel the same about him but that isn't the case at all.

Thanks for reading this far and I'm grateful for any thoughts on how to move forward x

You’ve had a really awful experience OP, sorry for your loss.

You can become detached from bits of your body that you associate with upset for whatever reason.
It’s really soon to be thinking about sex after what’s happened. Could be you’re trying to get “back to normal” too soon to forget about the awful time you’ve been through but until you’ve felt with it emotionally you won’t be able to do that.
Give your body a break and give yourself permission to forget about sex for at least a month. Get counselling if you can and start doing things that make you feel good. Exercise, dance, swim, walk, build up your physical and emotional strength again. Enjoy doing things with your husband that you used to enjoy like date night, going places, catch up with friends etc. There is no rush to get pregnant. It will happen.

Yes, I felt like this. If I’m honest, I think I rushed into having sex again quite soon after my (surgically managed) MC was complete as I wanted to convince myself everything was ‘back to normal.’ I remember crying a lot afterwards

I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t rush, these things take time.

Sorry to hear about your MC. It’s truly shit.

Sorry to hear what you have been through. After my MC I felt the same as you. First time we had sex was purposely not around ovulation so it did not feel like we were trying again straight away. I had a glass of wine, but just the one, so not drunk but slightly more relaxed. Afterwards while cuddling I had a couple of tears, it was just the emotion of it all, but husband totally understood and after that it was pretty much back to normal. But, importantly, everyone is different and if you need more time, take all the time you need. My MC was in July and I still have days where I struggle, remember to be kind to yourself xxx