What to discuss before TTC

[ErrolFinn]

My DH and I are considering TTC sometime next year. What are important topics you would say need to be discussed prior to TTC. There are the obvious ones like finances/plans for who is planning to take time off work etc but is there anything else you wish you had discussed before?

Is there anything else you would recommend doing to prepare for TTC?

Depends on your age really.....
Definitely finances and logistics of childcare how many kids you'd like etc but then there is the whole ttc rollercoaster

• how organised you are going to be - OPKs, cycle apps and timing sex with fertile days or are you just going to carry on as normal (fine if you are a couple that has a fair bit of sex but not if you only do it once a week or less) be prepared that DH May feel a certain amount of pressure to perform. We had a few fallings out about it until I explained to DH women are basically fertile for only 4-6 days out of 31 - it really is a very small window of opportunity
• how long will you try before seeking medical opinions (age dependant! Obviously if you're in your 20s maybe not an issue - but if you're mid 30s definitely need to think about it and set a timeline)
• is assisted conception something you both agree on eg IVF - can you afford it if you had to do it (obviously worst case)
• definitely both of you start taking conception vitamins to get in best possible health - cut stress, reduce caffeine and alcohol etc

You'd be surprised how quickly TTC can take over your lives and your relationship - most people start trying to conceive with rose tinted glasses on thinking it will be this wonderful romantic journey and aren't prepared if sadly things go wrong/don't go to plan.

I would recommend discussing if there is anything you'd like to do before children.... a indulgent holiday, places to see? Romantic nights away.... once you have children obviously you can go away and things but it is completely different.

I'd also recommend thinking about when baby would be 10 months and returning to work with finances and childcare

If your on a birth control I'd consider coming off it sooner rather than later and letting your cycles regulate.... we got married knew we wanted a baby came off the pill and it tooo 6 months mainly because my periods didn't regulate untill 5 months later.

Overall I'd advise not making it stressful, just enjoy each other dtd ever other day, and wait till you get symptoms or you'll become a manic tester 😂😂

Lots of luck for the future 🥰

Beyond babies.. establish expectations of parenting and returning to work. I expect my husband to equally share the pick up drop off and childcare with me. Don’t let this idea come as a shock as mat leave ends! Share means he can wake dress and feed them, he can pack their bag, he can unpack it, he can feed them dinner without guidance and bath and bed. No hand holding.

I’d check your works maternity/paternity policy and understand finances properly. Someone at my work has just come back to work 3 months early because they struggled with finances.
Also manage both your expectations with how long it could take. If you both go into it thinking it will happen straight away and it doesn’t you may get disheartened but if you’re prepared it may take longer it won’t feel as bad.

Check you agree on major things...

Vaccinations
Go back to work or stay at home
Smacking as punishment
Go to school or home school
How involved with nappies etc dad will be
Religion for child

That's just a few I'm sure there's more. You don't want to be having these discussions when baby is already here.

I wouldn’t have children with a man who wasn’t going to pull his weight. You need to establish if he considers looking after a baby to be more effort than a full time job. If he doesn’t then you are going to be stuck doing all of the night feeds, nappies, cleaning, washing, tidying etc etc. For me that would be a total dealbreaker.

1. When/if you or he would return to work

1. Your idea on how to deal with devastating news at scan/ would you even consider screening for down syndrome? I say your idea as you might change your mind when faced with reality.

1. Which religion you would raise your child

1. Do either of you believe in smacking a child? If yes, from what age?

1. You might be very sick during pregnancy and become unable to work. Please save up for this.

1. How long are you willing to ttc before getting medical advice

1. The fertility drugs might not be suitable or have horrendous side effects, how would you dh support you with that?

1. Be precise in telling your partner what you mean by I need you to be full on parent. Does it mean be prepared to do nappy changes, making healthy food for baby, sharing night shift with sick babies, share school drop off/ pick up, sharing parental leave to cover days children are to sick for school/ nursery.

1. Who is going to be your emergency childcare person(s)?

10. Discuss who will you nominate to be your children God parents. Basically if both of you die who would take care of your children.

11. Social media, is either of you opposed to putting things on social media? For example, if you go to my Facebook/ Instagram there is no evidence my children exist. But I don't prevent other people posting pictures of them and I send pictures on watsapp and email. I don't know why but I don't and neither does dh.

12. Dh hates electronics for the children and I expect I would just buy a phone without his permission when dc reach secondary school. I agree there is a lot of child grooming but it is up to us to teach them how to stay safe. I may end up eating my words but I see leaving your child to be bullied and left out from social interaction by not giving a phone is not the right way either. I got a lot of time now, but it is something to think about.

13. Scouts or anyother after school activities that either of you consider essential. They need to be planned for financial reasons as well as practical ones. My dh said he would teach our kids swimming but the timeline I gave him passed so I senr ds to paid for swimming lessons. I can't swim and I don't want that for my children.