When do you give up ttc?

[crazychemist]

Work- related conundrum.

Have been ttc#2 for some time now (I try not to keep an exact track, but we’re definitely well over the year mark). I’ve been tracking cycles with OPKs for the last 6 months and they aren’t great - irregular, and with a short LP.

My job is in London, and I have a longish commute. I could get a job much closer to home, and although the pay would be a little less, it wouldn’t be much difference once I took into account what I pay on transport (I’m part time, so season tickets are no use to me). I don’t like the fact that tonight I will once again not be getting home till after 7pm, which means getting very little time with DD and the time that I get is very pressured. If I worked closer to home, I’d be back potentially hours earlier.

The reason I haven’t moved jobs is because of ttc. We knew we wanted a 2nd child, and as I’m part time I have to stay quite a while before/after maternity leave to keep my enhanced benefits.

Should I keep trying? Or should I cut my losses and look for a new job so that I can have more time with the lovely DD that I already have? When would you give up trying?

It wouldn't hurt to start looking, even attend an interview - you don't really have to committ to a decision before you have that job offer, so might as well keep your options open. That way once you know what the exact alternative job and the new commute difference might be, it will help you make your decision.

I know it's a tricky decision though - I debate something similar all the time, though not commute related. Things have been getting progressively worse at my workplace this year, but I haven't left because it would mean losing maternity leave if I got pregnant. I have settled on a compromise of trying to find a new job within the same company (but different department) - which is tricky as they're not really recruiting a whole lot. I briefly looked externally but didn't apply for much.

I've had three interviews but so far no luck with finding a new job or TTC. Which makes me think that perhaps subconsciously the "what if I get pregnant" as soon as I get a new job lingers on my mind and affects my mindset, affecting me actually getting the job... But I digress.

I have to say that I'd be willing to bet that you DO get pregnant the moment you find a new job, because you'll be distracted with other things rather than just TTC. I suppose if it's a question of whether you're willing to take that risk! Might be worth it if it is what will ultimately get you pregnant, if you're in a place you can afford to take the financial hit.

I think @Raizelrea has a good point - look around and see what is available to you; once you have a better idea it'll hopefully be easier to make a decision as it won't just be based on theory. It sound like you'd really prefer to work closer to home. It's hard to advise since everyone's financial situation and life is different but I'd suggest to focus on your family even if it means tightening purse strings when #2 comes along. It may also be that once you're out of the stressful commute situation you're luckier with TTC. All the best x

Thanks for the advice @sassenach84 and @Raizelrea. I’m a teacher, so jobs all come on at the same time of year pretty much (except for maternity covers and similar, but I wouldn’t take the risk associated with a temporary contract), so I can’t look for one until about February at least.

I don’t think we could afford to take the hit of maternity leave without maternity pay.

Think I’ve answered my own question. Guess we keep trying until teaching jobs start coming up, then I should apply for something and see what happens. Thanks for the handholding.