Trying to conceive baby #1 - No idea what I’m doing please help.

[Barwell1]

Hi girls,

I’ve been trying for 3 months now and haven’t had any contraception for 5 years plus so thought that maybe I’d just fall straight away! Boy was I wrong. After spending hours and hours reading up on the internet I can’t believe how hard it is to conceive and how soul destroying it can actually be.

My periods are a bit all over the place they can come every 4-6 weeks so the apps don’t really give me any assistance.

I started my last period 5th October and which ended on the 9th, hubby and I have been dtd every other day as this is what google suggests. A lot of my friends and sisters have children but I want it to be a surprise for them so don’t want to turn to them and ask questions (they’ve been going on at me for years to have a little one)

So I’ve gone by the 28 day cycle rule this month which would mean I was in my fertile window 18th October - 24th October. Sorry if TMI but I had egg white CM on the 18th October.

On Saturday 26th I had period type pains and brown CM when I wiped which is not normal for me. I’ve never had that before and a bit of brown spotting throughout the day. Again just a small amount when wiped on Sunday 27th. So I turned to google and convinced myself that it was implantation bleeding. I’ve felt extreme tired The past 3-4 days and even had an afternoon hour nap yesterday which I never do.

I did a HPT Monday 28th - PFN
and again this morning PFN (I also had STMI watery gel like CM)

I am driving myself crazy because I don’t know what is going on. I want this so badly i never thought I would ever feel this way. Have I tested too early? Or is the CM today saying I am now ovulating?

Any help would be appreciated, I would normally talk to my best friends or sisters/mum but I want it to be a surprise for them. Thank you xxxx

It sounds as though you're doing everything just fine 3 months isn't a long time to have been trying. Your signs sounds positive but I think you may have tested too early it's best to wait until af is due or overdue

@Barwell1 have you tried using OPKs? I used a combination of Clearblue digital OPK and the cheap strips you can get on eBay. I've been pregnant twice (lost the first at 12 weeks, 2nd is now 15 months old!) and both times I tried to begin with without OPKs, then used OPKs and was successful.

It took about 7 months of not actually trying to get pregnant with my first baby. Don't stress about it. Also good luck.

I haven’t tried using ovulation kits maybe I’ll pick some up, I honestly appreciate it isn’t long at all I just had in my mind that because I’ve not used anything that it would just happen as soon as we starting trying. How wrong was I. I’ve always been the career lady and never thought I would ever want it this badly. Every time AF comes it makes me so sad! Thinking is there something wrong with me.

The truth is I just have no understanding of how it all works/ having spent hours on the forums reading everyone posts its only come to light that you literally have a 12-24 hour window! Crazy!

what’s the best ovulation brand to get? I’m gonna pick some up tonight.

We used clearblue digital, which was useful but it still took us 6 months.

How old are you OP?

How old are you?

Gel-like cm is ewcm. You may be ovulating now, especially if you have irregular cycles.

Have you spoken to the GP about getting your irregular cycles investigated?

Second OPKs, I also used a combo of expensive and cheap ones.

I’m 31, well I had ewcm on the 18th like thick and stretchy (stmi) then today I had like watery goop like. So we dtd this morning as well! I had brown spotting and brown Cm when I wiped Saturday with AF like cramps. Literally have no idea what my body is doing. It’s so confusing. I went to doctors about 4-5 years ago about the pain that AF brings, I can take pain but that is something else! It’s so painful no painkiller touches the pain. They referred me and have an internal scan and they said all was fine! Maybe I should go back and see if they can do more tests do you think?

I think it's worth a conversation. Explain you've been trying with no success but your irregular and painful cycles are making it harder

Get an ovulation predictor kit if you want to know when ovulation occurs, or just keep doing what you’re doing if you feel like it’s all too clinical. It can take 12 months even when there are no fertility issues so it’s still very early days. I think expecting to fall pregnant every month can put huge pressure on you. We started trying when we did because I have endometriosis and thought I’d be unable to conceive and needed to try for a year before we would be eligible for assistance. I went into it assuming I wouldn’t get pregnant so never felt the weight of any expectations (I did get pregnant, with twins). I would try to focus on 9 months in the future, when you could seek advice from your GP and if it happens in that time it’s a bonus.

That is of course unless you’re over 40, have existing gynae issues, thyroid issues etc in which case you may want to see your
GP sooner.

The truth is I just have no understanding of how it all works/ having spent hours on the forums reading everyone posts its only come to light that you literally have a 12-24 hour window! Crazy!

That’s not really true - yes, that’s the length of time that there’s a viable egg but sperm can survive in your body up to 5 days so you don’t have to have sex in that window, there just needs to be sperm available!

My concern for you is that you’ve mentioned severe period pain which could potentially be a sign of endometriosis which cannot be detected on ultrasound scans in the vast majority of cases. Perhaps ask your GP to check your hormone levels and thyroid, make sure things are working in that department - if you still haven’t conceived in a few months, given your period issues, I’d be asking about a referral to a gynae.

Definitely try the opks as that will help you narrow down ovulation. I also know how annoying this piece of advice is having been ttc myself for 17 months but you really do need to just enjoy ttc for the next few months at least otherwise your mental health will really suffer. I've been there and it isn't pleasant so please know that it's perfectly normal to take a year to conceive and you could be at the start of many months of a journey (though of course I hope you're not). Stress is a huge factor in conception not happening as your body will concentrate on fighting stress, not on developing an embryo.

Thank you for all the advice girls. I do massively appreciate it. I am relaxing more and more as the months go on but can’t help but symptom spot when it comes into the TWW. I just need to keep doing what we’re doing and wait but it’s easier said then done.