Why are we struggling to conceive our second?

[AriadneO]

DD is 18 months, and we conceived her almost straightaway. Now that we're trying for our second, it's taking a lot longer. It's been 5 months now, what are we doing wrong?

We are early 30s. My cycle is 31-32 days. I use OPKs. We were having sex every 2 days during the fertile window, and last month we did semi-SMEP (too exhausted to do full SMEP). We are both quite healthy, and eat well. No alcohol or smoking. One coffee a day max. We're both permanently quite tired from looking after DD and working, I suppose.

Anyone else in our shoes? I feel myself so disappointed when my period comes, I wonder if there's anything I can do to improve our chances? Thank you

Thank you for your reply clolo - I have read the 20% statistic too, but anecdotal evidence from friends suggests it often happens quicker than the statistics implies.

It can feel like a race against time, as I'd prefer a smaller gap. I'm sure all this pressure I'm putting on myself doesn't help, but I don't know how to not do it.

I am a year into trying for a second and not sure either, some months I've been half heartedly trying though to be honest. My daughter is 3 1/2 so if it does happen the age gap will be huge.

5 months isn't a long time really, it is most probably down to timing etc. don't put too much pressure on yourself, it sounds like you're doing everything right!

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but secondary infertility is a real thing.
I'm sure you'll be fine as 5 months is nothing, but I assumed after our first was conceived in the first month of trying that we'd have no problem with our second.
We have been trying for 4 years and no luck yet.

@AriadneO
Hi we're on cycle 3 trying for number 2. It took 4 months for my first so i think it might take longer for second. Although i think i m healthier now than when ttc my first. We didn't use opk last month, going to use clearblue this month and trying to keep healthy eating. @Wrigleys123 My son is almost 4 so worrying about age gap too. Hopefully this is lucky cycle!

Hi everyone.

Also TTC baby number 2. I fell pregnant with my daughter straight away and now 5 months in to trying for number 2. I know 5 months isn't very long but I think I took for granted that it would happen as quickly this time as it did previously.

Since last month I've been using OPKs so fingers crossed! My period also seems to have come 10 days early this month which is so unusual for me. Although it's very very light and almost a bit start stop so I'm not too sure what's going on.

Hoping to relax a little more about the whole thing as I feel like it's starting to take over my life a little but I'd love a sibling for my daughter and don't want the age gap to be too big. X

Thanks everyone. Has anyone been to the GP and got a good explanation for secondary infertility? Internet research is nebulous - it seems to just be a 'thing' without specific reasons.

I'm wondering whether to see the GP or will it just be a waste of the GP's time?

@Niamh19517 ah we're both 5 months in. What's your approach (sorry, it's ok if it's too personal)? I don't know if I can face SMEP again this month...

It took us 8 years to get baby no. 2. no miscarriages, no nothing. We didn't bother going to the GP as we already had a first baby and just got on with our lives with the one DC, going abroad on holiday etc. Our case is extreme but I know plenty of people who ended up trying for years for a second, rather than months. Stress levels and lack of sleep don't help and an existing toddler doesn't help with either I guess.

I'm wondering whether to see the GP or will it just be a waste of the GP's time?

My GP has just referred me for
-hormone checks
-ultrasound
-gynaecologist appointment.

This is partly linked to check that a large ovarian cyst in my first pregnancy hasn’t reoccurred it caused damage when it was removed.

DS1 is now 1, conceived in first cycle trying, and we’ve been trying since March.

Worth a try, going to the GP, although he warned me that most fertility treatment wouldn’t be available to me on the NHS, and none before a year of trying.

@AriadneO for the first 3 months trying we were just trying to have a bit of fun with it and just had sex when we felt like it. The last couple months I've been doing OPKs and having sex every day when at peak fertility. Still nothing seems to have happened!

Not sure if I should go back to being more relaxed with it all. X

I conceived DD first month and now pregnant after 3 months of trying. The only thing which we did differently the month we conceived, was we totally missed my 'fertile window'. DTD a couple of days before but missed the entire fertile week for some reason or another. Anyway possibly I ovulated early, or maybe DH's swimmers needed those extra few days to reach the egg. So perhaps try a month where you start earlier than usual?

@wineymummy we have been having sex every 2 days during the fertile window, window being just over a week prior to ovulation (as estimated by Clue app). Is that early enough? We tend to do it for the last time the day I get a positive OPK - not because I think that's us done now, but because we're usually so knackered and over-sexed by this point! Is this where we've gone wrong?

@FriedasCarLoad thank you that's helpful, perhaps I will go to the GP then, just to understand what could be the cause and what tests are available (even if only privately).