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Wondering if I should give up on baby 3

3 replies

randommum82 · 10/10/2019 12:55

Wondering if I should give up on baby 3

Hi all, sorry for the long post about to come.

I had my first son in 2011 and second in 2013. Both times I conceived immediately, going directly from TTC to being pregnant without agonising over periods etc.

I always wanted 3 kids, but our first son has a serious medical condition which gets worse with time (muscular dystrophy). When I had my second son, I had severe depression. That's what put me off jumping back in for number 3 - I was terrified of being that depressed and suicidal again.

So we left a heft gap between number 2 and TTC. Last summer, we decided it was time and jumped back in. I conceived immediately. But at 8 weeks, I miscarried. This was discovered at 10 wks, so I had to have a D&C.

Since then, nothing. I'm 37 so I've been back to my Dr 3 times now, but he can't find any reason why I shouldn't be getting pregnant. Just keep trying is his advice.

I've had a rough year of it, trying to get pregnant and crying whenever my period comes. What upsets me most is how hopeful I was. My older son's condition is life-limiting, and I felt truly joyful and hopeful when I was pregnant with no. 3 and dismissed all the negative voices in my head. This was the first time me and hubby did the pregnancy test together and the first time we felt content and excited.

Then it all fell apart. Now, the gap between 2 and 3 continues to grow. With all the burden on my family from my son's condition and how much time it takes, I'm starting to wonder if I should give up on having a third child. Right now, I'm in 2 minds about it. My main reason isn't wondering if I'll cope. I've lost my faith in life. I've lost faith that life can be good. I feel like I am pushing my luck and that the third one will have some other medical problem.

I put on a tough front for everyone so there isn't really someone I can talk to about this. At times I think I am done with the idea of the third child. Other times, I wonder what it would be like, who that little person would be. I have started to give away our baby things and it always makes me a little sad, because seeing the baby things with 'Baby 3' written on the box reminds me of the hope I had, which is gone now.

I don't know what to do. Either I bite the bullet and give away all the things or I risk my luck and go for baby 3. Sad

OP posts:
randommum82 · 10/10/2019 13:11

Just to ad: There are a few reasons I wanted 3 children. First, because I always thought I would have 3 kids. I am grateful for the 2 I've got. But also because I know my older son's condition means that we will eventually lose him in his early adulthood, and I can't face the thought of leaving DS alone in this world - it feels that way even though I know he'll have friends and loved ones to support him in life. And finally, I feel like this situation with my older son took away so much from us already - maybe I'm not ready to sacrifice part of my life plan because it reared its stupid head and ruined everything.
Mostly ,I'm scared of things going wrong again. I don't have the mental strength to cope with more upsets.

OP posts:
Momniscient · 10/10/2019 13:20

Whatever you decide will have positives and negatives to it. From what you've written, it doesn't sound like you're ready, and maybe your body needs a bit more R&R before it can be home to another baby. How would you feel if you decided to pause plans for a bit and boost your mental health? Timing is so important.

All my best - hope there's more advice coming

Momniscient · 11/10/2019 22:27

Friday night signal boost!

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