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Original poster

Overwhelming fear of infertility?

32 replies

Niffler1988 · 06/10/2019 21:26

This is going to sound crazy but we are currently on Cycle 1 of TTC and I have this irrational fear that I'm going to be infertile or its going to take years to conceive!

We are in the middle of the dreaded TWW so I know it sounds ridiculous! For some reason I've always had this fear and being 31 is making me worry even more!

Anyone else feel like this?

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GoldPaperStars · 06/10/2019 21:36

I’ve always been absolutely certain that I wouldn’t be able to conceive. I’m 34 and currently 28 weeks pregnant after two months of TTC. The brain can do funny things to you can’t it?

Good luck.

Nic555 · 06/10/2019 21:37

@niffler1988 yes I know the feeling. It's completely natural to feel that way. I'm TTC number 1 just started cycle 4 and I've kind of always had this feeling but speaking to my friends who have kids they felt exactly the same as me. So we have to stay positive. I can't imagine getting my BFP at all but as u say it is an irrational fear xx

Makeafamily19 · 06/10/2019 22:11

Yes I feel the same and every month I don't get a BFP makes the anxiety worse. Cycle 4, middle of TWW also and also 31.

yellowpolkadots101 · 06/10/2019 22:17

I am 28, not yet ttc but I have had this fear for many years! I still worry now that I'm going to leave it too long but were just not in a position right now to ttc!

PixieDustt · 06/10/2019 22:20

Yep felt exactly the same. For whatever reason I pretty much convinced myself i would be the one who wouldn't be able to get pregnant out of all my sisters. First time of TTC and was very lucky. Now have a very happy smiley 3 month old ☺️

ellesbellesxxx · 06/10/2019 22:25

If you look at the statistics, in your early thirties most people conceive within 6monthsto a year. Our fertility consultant said she saw plenty of people who went on to conceive naturally within 2years.
We did struggle and needed ivf... we had twins from our first cycle and are very thankful. I didn’t feel like you, it was a shock when it didn’t happen within a year. Eighteen months we had more answers then two years the devastation that it wouldn’t happen naturally.
When we had the news that it would be hard to conceive (but didn’t know all the facts as needed laparoscopy/hysteroscopy for investigations) we were told to maximise chances, 2-3 times a week was optimum.
Good luck!

Mycrazylife85 · 06/10/2019 23:08

@Niffler1988 my friend was like this. I remember her saying this to me. She has three children now, one set of twins, all conceived the first month of trying... 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Niffler1988 · 07/10/2019 00:15

Girls thank you all so much!! You're all putting my mind at ease that I'm not totally crazy & irrational!! It's such a mind f though, even though you're all telling me that you or friends felt that way, I still feel like I'll be the unlucky one!

I was a bit silly today & took a test, BFN as expected as I'm not due until Thurs! I just feel I will never see that second line!

To those who struggled, I'm so happy you managed to get your babies in the end!

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57Varieties · 07/10/2019 00:20

I think most people probably have the same worry! We started “not not trying”’6 months before we ideally wanted me to get pregnant. Guess how pregnant I was by the time the 6 months rolled around?! 3 months away from giving birth if that’s a clue!

Konbanwa · 07/10/2019 06:35

I also have this fear of infertility even though we have only just started trying. For me, I think a lot of it stems from what we were taught at school about how easy it would be to get pregnant if you don't use contraceptives, even though now I have actually started TTC it seems so much more complicated and time sensitive!

It kind of makes me think 'well they said we would get pregnant if we even looked at semen unprotected, so if I don't get pregnant straightaway something must be wrong'...

But I know that this is incorrect and it's can take 6 months to 1 year for most people my age.

Somebodystired · 07/10/2019 06:37

I worried from as young as I can remember that I might not be able to have children.

I can. Turns out I married someone who couldn't though Grin typical!!

MsChatterbox · 07/10/2019 06:43

I feared I was infertile before even ttc because I had never accidentally gotten pregnant when not being the most cautious. All was fine though. I think it's normal to fear the unknown especially when it's something you really want.

purplefig · 07/10/2019 06:49

I'm 28 and it took me 9 months of TTC to even get a whiff of a bfp!! When we started I genuinely thought it'd take a few months tops, so it was a huge surprise and it wasn't long before I was worried I was infertile (ahhh don't ya love the human brain?). The best thing I recommend is to read the book Taking Charge of your Fertility. I got pregnant the cycle after and am currently 22 weeks with my first.

CrystalShark · 07/10/2019 07:33

Yep! I had no idea how common this was until one of my doctor friends told me he hears this ALLLLL THE TIME from patients. It’s incredibly common to worry you’ll never be able to get pregnant if you never have been pregnant before. For me it was a combo of just not being able to remotely envisage my body being capable of that, plus knowing about conceiving and the science behind it and how unlikely it all seemed, plus for me I’m subfertile and have endo and only one unblocked tube so statistically the odds were quite a bit lower. Also I thought about the few times in my life I haven’t been too careful and that I didn’t get pregnant then. Society drums it into you if you have unprotected sex just ONCE you WILL get pregnant but it’s just not that simple to guarantee. It blew my mind learning about how we only release one egg every month and how you need the sperm there at the right time to meet it etc.

I found it helped to do everything I could to increase my chances (timing, app, OPKs, sperm friendly lube) so I at least knew that I’d done everything I could practically to boost my chances and the rest would be down to luck rather than user error (not having sex at the right time for example).

Statistically it’s overwhelmingly likely you will be one of the 90% of couples who conceive within a year. And if not, there’s help out there. And at 31 you have plenty of time because you’ve started in good time so if you do need help you have fertile years left to explore it. You’re in a very strong position!

As it stands we ended up pregnant within two weeks of trying 😂 but there’s only a 20% chance each month of conception with a healthy couple having sex at the right time, so don’t worry if this first cycle is a BFN. It probably will be. Just keep going. And update the thread when you get your BFP!

Bezalelle · 07/10/2019 10:50

I feel this way! On fifth cycle TTC this month, and just can't ever imagine seeing a BFP.

I'm trying to switch my mindset to more positive thinking though.

Marmite83 · 07/10/2019 12:26

I had this fear too but didn't in reality expect it to come true. Unfortunately for me, it did. I've now discovered I have endo and PCOS and am currently 36. I'm not telling you this to scare you. I just wanted to let you know that although infertility totally sucks, it's not necessarily the end. After 18 months of trying and a mmc, we finally fell pregnant with my now 3 yo. We've been trying again for nearly two years and started IVF. I fell pregnant in the first cycle but unfortunately had another mmc 3 weeks ago. It's not going to stop me though. I'm incredibly stubborn and am determined to do everything I can to give my dd a sibling. I hope you don't have to go through any of this but if you do, just know that it can still work out. Good luck!

Original poster
Niffler1988 · 07/10/2019 17:20

@Marmite83 I'm so sorry to hear of your MMC! That must be difficult! And thank you for your advice, it's nice to hear the positive side of fertility issues and that you have managed to have you DD! I hope you hit the jackpot soon! Baby dust to you!

@CrystalShark I think because my Mum and a lot of friends had babies in their early 20s, I feel like I'm getting too old! I've had a lot of people remind me that my clock is ticking, so I don't think that's helping either! I think you're right about not being able to imagine my body being pregnant and therefore never getting the BFP! And thank you for your reassuring words!

Thanks to all of you for helping me realise I'm not crazy! Lets turn this into a supportive thread for those still TTC!

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CrystalShark · 07/10/2019 17:48

All totally normal :) including the ‘well, that goes for everyone else but not for me’ thoughts lol. I was 31 too and did some reading around fertility stats that reassured me, seeing in black and white the difference in chances between my age and if I’d tried at say 21. The change was so minuscule.

Original poster
Niffler1988 · 10/10/2019 15:34

Sorry ladies I've been so busy the past few days!! So AF has arrived Bang on time, typical! However, one positive is that my cycle seems to have regulated again so I should be able to track my O better! And looking at it, it doesn't seem like we actually DTD at the right time! How are you all doing?

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Marmite83 · 10/10/2019 16:17

Sorry af has arrived @Niffler1988 but a regular cycle is a good start. I'm still waiting for af to arrive to start my FET cycle. No sign of ovulation on opk, in fact they're getting lighter, so no idea when af will rock up. Good luck for cycle #2

Bezalelle · 10/10/2019 16:23

Sorry to hear about AF but good that things are regulating.

I'm a couple of days before ovulation, if OPKs are anything to go by. Heading down to see long-distance DP tomorrow for the weekend. Hoping Cycle 5 will be the one!

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

MrsSokhi · 10/10/2019 16:36

@Niffler1988 I was exactly the same month before last because my cycle was all over the show but it's now regulated and currently in my second 2 week wait.
Just took me a little longer than the average to go back to normal after the Pill. I know it's hard but distracting yourself really helps and just watch how amazing the human body is and it's changes. Getting to know your cycle is so important xx

Sunflower2019 · 10/10/2019 17:08

So glad you started this thread..

I’m 32, I have a dd from a previous relationship who’s 11.. fell pregnant straight away...

This time round I’ve been trying since end of June and each month I’m certain somethings wrong with me, wondering why I haven’t fallen pregnant and my cycles seem a little out of whack etc.. all these thoughts going through my head thinking is it my age, early menopause, what if it takes me years and I can’t even get IVF with my new partner as I already have a child 😭(if there is an issue)

He has had tests and all good bar his morphology which we can try and improve..

I’m trying some supplements and trying not to panic but until I get that bfp I think I’m going to...

Good luck with your journey xxx

Bezalelle · 10/10/2019 18:09

Hi @Sunflower2019! I remember you from another thread we were on. xx

Original poster
Niffler1988 · 10/10/2019 18:49

So I thought my period had come, but it's like it's on the brink. I had blood when wiping last night. Today I've had some brown discharge (bit clumpy) and another bit of blood when wiping but no full blown AF yet. Also sorry for TMI! Normally I'll have a little bit of blood the night before then overnight she comes in thick and fast!

@Marmite83 Deffo is a good thing to know that my cycles are regulating if this is indeed AF! Its so confusing isn't it? I'm trying to stay away from OPK atm, but I'm thinking of doing SMEP this cycle!

@bezalelle good luck for cycle 5!!

@MrsSokhi it's been frustrating as I've been off contraception for over two years (DH pulled out or we timed it around ovulation) and I've always been super regular! However since starting a new job that's quite stressful they have been a bit all over the shop! Good luck for your TWW!

@Sunflower2019 welcome to the thread! It's nice to know that we all feel the same though, we are all in this together!

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