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Conception

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Original poster

Whose surname does baby get?

23 replies

digitalgirl · 13/08/2007 17:21

I kept my surname when DH and i got married because even he doesn't like his surname (he uses his middle name as a surname).

Have only just started ttc and have realised that at some point we'll need to decide whose surname to give the lo.

DH wants to give it mine, I want to give it his middle name as a surname (is that even legal?).

Do I even have a choice?

OP posts:

Tinker · 13/08/2007 17:22

Think the baby can have whatever you want as a surname. I think.

scorpio1 · 13/08/2007 17:26

you can call the baby what ever you want, including surname.

Original poster

digitalgirl · 13/08/2007 17:27

thanks tinker, so no fancy legal rules to make the decision for us? oh well.

OP posts:

scienceteacher · 13/08/2007 17:27

It's normal to give the baby the mum's name, ie her maiden name if the baby is born out of wedlock, and her married name if she is married.

scorpio1 · 13/08/2007 17:28

all my children have dp's surname, and we are not married.

NAB3 · 13/08/2007 17:29

I would ring the registry office as this sounds like an interesting and complicated situation. Being known by a name might make it THE name after a while.

Gursky · 13/08/2007 17:29

We are married but I didn't change my name. DS has DH's surname, but has my surname as a middle name - not that it sounds right - and any subsequent kids will do too.

SlightlyMadSpider · 13/08/2007 17:32

The hospital will probably use your surname on babies wristband and medical notes etc. But you can register either.

ProfYaffle · 13/08/2007 17:34

I didn't change my name when we got married, our dds have my surname as dh hates his.

Original poster

digitalgirl · 13/08/2007 17:38

Hi Gursky - was thinking about that doing the dh surname with mine as the middle name. but he has an unpronouncable long polish name and mine is not a particularly common italian name. would be very unfair on the lo to have to learn the entire alphabet to write their name!

might ask the registry office nearer the time (whenever that is!)

OP posts:

Pixiefish · 13/08/2007 17:51

In Wales we usd to name our sons- ap/ab father's name. So for example if my dh was called Sion and my ds was Owain he would be Owain ap Sion. With girls you just put the father's name after the girl's name so a dd could be called Catrin Sion.

This used to happen a lot in olden days and has kept a small minority usage over the years and is making a comeback now.

So, am assuming you're not Welsh so wouldn't want to do that but you could still use your dh's first name as the child's surname.

Just to confuse matters even further

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 13/08/2007 17:51

You could make up a surname if you wanted.

When we got married dh took my surname as he had 3 different ones (nothing illegal there i promise) so now hes changed it all over. we agreed when we had dd what was gunna happen so she had the same surname once we were married!

fridayschild · 13/08/2007 17:55

We did the same as Gursky, in the same situation. They have 2 middle names, if you include my surname.

How about practising the DC's first name with each surname? So you know how it will sound at school when teacher reads the register, and later in life when your LO is a famous sportsperson/captain of industry/ whatever. Would that help?

fussymummy · 13/08/2007 18:13

When i had my children the hospital put my surname down as we're not married.
When we registered the children they all have my partners name.

My sister who wasn't married couldn't decide whos name to give to their son, so they made a double barrel name out of both.
Now they're married they use this as their name.

muppetgirl · 13/08/2007 18:17

When we got married we took each others surnames as mine was very unusual and I have a very small family , I didn't want it to die out. It is hyphanated and ds has the hyphanated name. Also dh changed as did I which makes me feel we're more equal rather than I am his property.

nomoremagnolia · 13/08/2007 18:18

Your DH can change his name by deed poll (not too complicated from what I know of it) and they you could all have whatever surname you like! Know of someone who re-married and his new wife didn't want to be the 2nd Mrs X so he changed his name by deed poll to his mother's maiden name before they married and then when they married she became Mrs (his mother's maiden name)

Other friends chose whole new name for their family as his wife didn't want his surname but did want to be recognised as a family by having one surname.

Personally I just took DH's name when we married - so much easier!

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 13/08/2007 18:19

you dont actually have to do deed poll to change your name.....cant remember what you have to do but you can!

nomoremagnolia · 13/08/2007 18:27

UK Deed Poll website
Haven't read it all but am sure the answers to all your q's will be on here. You can call yourself whatever you like without having to 'legalise' it but if you want to use a new name on legal documents you need to do it through deed poll (so I believe).

muppetgirl · 13/08/2007 18:33

Dh didn't change his through deed poll as it was a marriage. He has passport, driving license etc all in his new name and legally done. Just had to show the marriage cert.

If you aren't married and wanted to change things that's when I'd assume you;d have to deed poll.

When we registered ds's birth we both had to fill in the previous names section.

WinnieThePooh · 13/08/2007 18:34

DP and I are not married DD1 has his surname and my surname as a second middle name. DD2, due in October will be the same.

cityangel · 16/08/2007 00:06

The answer really lies with you and your partner. If you've started trying then this is part of a wider discussion: Pregnancy, birth, schooling, family etc.

At the end of the day if you're happy to have a kid outside marriage as loads of people I know have, you just need to decide jointly on naming. You can give it either surname. Be aware though that if you marry etc. and the name is different they will grow up with formal checks having to declare the name changes. When they produce the birth certificate for future security checks inconsistencies won't help.

Once you are pg you will have 9 months to discuss it. If you are trying out of wedlock and he hates his surname and also is happy for the kid to take yours then that would be fine. However you want the kid to take his surname of use (middle name) which probably isn't his legal name. He could change his by deed poll and then you could all take it through marriage. If things went that way.

Bottom line is family holiday, schools, paperwork in general usually prefer a joint surname. However, in this day and age its far more common to have multiple names. Where things become interesting is the legal/ travel paperwork ie. Child at school with different names, paperwork, passport etc faces more challenges but if they're happy and loved its all workable.

On a personal note I know people with double barreled surnames. But if you go down that route if the child meets a partner with a double barelled surname the combinations at marriage get complicated. i also know 3 who don't use their first names professionally whilst all of these options are accomodated if there is an answer you can agree upfront that could be easier in the long run.

Lovage · 16/08/2007 10:41

We are not married (but wouldn't have changed names even if we were). DS has both our names hyphenated. This is not ideal but seemed like the least bad option. Don't think this comes across as 'posh' as it used to as it's getting more common and both names are short, which helps. We have several answers to the question of what happens if he wants to marry someone with a double barrelled name, depending on how flipant we're feeling:

we're hoping he won't get married (true!)
we're hoping he'll be gay (well, entirely happy if this is the case)
if he's mature enough to be making life changing decisions like this he's old enough to find his own solution to what surname to use

studentmum1 · 16/08/2007 10:59

my dd has my last name as i had split from her dad before she was born, i am engaged to my fiance now and pregnant with his 1st, we didn't want the to dc's having different last names so the new baby will have dp's surname then mine... so at the end of the name both dc's will have the same name. I will do the same when we eventually get married, only problem is dp has the worst surname in the world!!

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