Sorry this is long - I am not sure what I hope to achieve with this post but I am feeling the need to reach out and seek any thoughts / reassurances or tips from others who may have been in my position. I have posted before about my experience TTC but am now at a next stage and would really appreciate some hand holding as I have no-one I can speak to IRL apart from DH.
Basically I'm 40, DH is younger and we didn't meet until I was late 30's so I have been given this unexpected opportunity at happiness in love / life when I was basically gearing up to be on my own for the rest of my life (after some not very nice relationship experiences - another story).
We have been TTC for about 6 months. I have had all the private tests and my follicles, AMH, FSH etc are all fine / normal for my age. DH has had semen checks - all good. The next stage is I am having a HSG procedure to check for blocked fallopian tubes. No reason to suspect they are blocked but just to rule it out as obviously time is of the essence. (Incidentally, I know the procedure can occasionally help with conception as the procedure itself can sometimes unblock tubes).
Aside from that I am eating super healthy, fresh veggies / Mediterranean diet, one coffee a day, no drinking, no sugar or processed carbs, regular exercise, etc, plus taking Ubiquinol, Folic Acid and Wheatgrass - phew!
Reading that it sounds like I'm obsessing but I actually haven't been, and I am of the mindset that remaining calm will help. I gave up trying OPK sticks after a couple of months because I found them super confusing and they actually made me feel more stressed. My cycle is regular, 30 days, and I keep track of symptoms and know my body quite well having practised the NHS fertility awareness method of contraception for years. I meditate everyday and am just trying to go with the flow....
However - I'm 40!!
Today I saw a private consultant to discuss the tube flushing, and his advice was that after that procedure, if we still have no luck within the next couple of months we try IUI. I am not sure about this advice and wonder if anyone has experience of it? On the advice of an MN poster I watched a Facebook Q&A with Lord Robert Winston the other day, and he gave some really helpful no-nonsense advice. He cut through the bullshit. Among other things, he was really very sceptical about the increase % chance of conception through IVF after the age of 40 compared to natural trying (UNLESS of course there is a diagnosis which means the woman can't conceive naturally). Now I know there will be many people on here who've had successes but he was talking about the data on this. His view is that in cases like mine where the 40+ woman just hasn't fallen pregnant and there's no diagnosis or evidence of any particular cause, he suggested IVF might not be the best idea because a) it takes a few cycles to regulate back to normal after a failed IVF attempt and so you lose out on those cycles of TTC, and b) it's really expensive and stressful and c) the success rates aren't any better than natural TTC (again, where there's no actual diagnosis).
Now I know IUI isn't even classed as actual IVF, and the procedure probably doesn't result in missed cycles to TTC, but still, I am wondering if this is a road we should go down, or if it's just an expensive way to have sex(!). Is the consultant just trying to get us to part with more money? The checks and tests have been v costly this far but worth it for peace of mind. But is this IUI a good idea?
I know there might not be any medical experts here, (or maybe there are), and everyone has very different experiences, but I would really value some thoughts on all of this, either in terms of the next steps or just in terms of general advice.
I am at the stage where I am imagining how we would adjust to never having DC - would we ever learn to stop feeling sad about it? I have even been thinking about the adoption process which sounds incredibly tough and at my age whether I would even be suited (in their eyes, not in mine - I'm full of energy!).
Anyway, I don't want these negative thoughts to run away with me, and there is still time and we might be lucky I know.
That's it really. Thanks if you've read this far. X