Feeling rubbish...

[30somethingandtired]

Sorry, there's no question in this. I just need a really good moan.

Spent the last week wondering / hoping / wishing that this would be the month. Had even convinced myself of symptoms. Period arrived tonight, a couple is days ahead of schedule. I'm feeling disappointed that there is no BFP for this month but also feeling really really stupid for daring to think there might be.

Have been ttc for 18months but struggling with the practicalities lately due to work shifts. Despite living together we're seeing very little of each other, I work days, he works nights, he leaves for work before I get home. I really don't want to be 'nagging' for sex, but am worried we're not having enough to conceive. I haven't been to the GP about 'ttc' as I'm not sure that we even have enough sex to count as "trying"; and therefore maybe I don't deserve any help from the doctor.

I'm turning myself into a total wreck either waiting for ovulation and hoping that this will coincide with us being in the same place at the same time; then the 2ww, where I just drive myself crazy over every twinge.

When we talked about starting ttc we (naively) thought I'd stop taking the pill and just 'see what happens'. In the year and a half since, nothing has happened. Nothing at all. Except me massively overthinking every possible conceivable sign. I don't think my OH has any idea how much this is on my mind, and I feel silly telling him how upset I've been,

I've debated 'giving up' ttc on a few occasions, including tonight when my period started. Never enough to go back to contraception, but enough to stop tracking cycles for a while. It helps me not be crazy, but lately there seem to be babies and pregnancy announcements everywhere I turn.

I sometimes wonder why we even started this, perhaps I just need to be grateful for the child I already have (now nearly 8). This whole process has left me feeling like a silly naive girl who hasn't a clue what she's doing.

Sorry to rant; but I have avoided telling friends and family, so feel like I need an alternative place to vent my thoughts. This process is awful.

Hi! Gosh it's so painful to read your post just wanted to give you a big hug! I can't say I know how you're feeling completely as I've only been TTC for 5 months, but I can definitely empathise!

I know you said you don't want to go drs, as you don't think you DTD enough... but (this is just my opinion) I worry if you don't discuss it with DH and a Dr that you'll drive yourself insane even more. The stress you're feeling mustn't help the situation. I haven't been to dr yet for this as it's only been 5 months however if there's ever anything wrong with me (non related to TTC) I get myself so worked up, but then once I go drs and know they're helping my anxiety lessens and I relax more and magically my symptoms get better.

Stress and anxiety over this is most likely not helping. I honestly think going to the drs will help. I know it's scary and you don't want to find out the inevitable, but it'll be the journey of finding out what's going on and how you both can help.

I hope you're alright. Sending you a virtual cuddle x

Thanks @MisssC3025 viral hugs appreciated. Need a good talk with OH I think but won't see him til Saturday. Funny how a problem for a couple can leave you feeling so lonely.

No worries!
Yes a chat with OH sounds like a good idea. I think to end the week relax (a bubble bath always works a treat) and do something you enjoy to take your mind off of it then have your talk on Saturday!

All the best and keep us posted x

I didn't think we were doing it enough and I thought dh wasn't looking after himself well enough either.

I googled food to boost male fertility and gradually added them all to dh's diet.

Finding time and energy to dtd was more difficult, a bank holiday weekend and a couple of bottles of wine did the trick in the end!

Good luck

@30somethingandtired that was like reading about myself except shifts are reversed-I work nights and he works days. I've had the same feelings about not wanting to nag, or make him feel like that's the only reason I want sex, and that there's no point seeking help because of that. I've been off the pill over 3 years and tracking/trying for 18 months. It's definitely affecting my mental health. I was feeling depressed, then we seemed to get timings right so been happier until last night when period came on. Today I couldn't even get through a trip to Asda without getting emotional. I have no advice but you're not alone.

Thanks @KellyHall I've ordered myself some new underwear; hopefully that will help next month. Although I'm currently full of cold and feel about as sexy as a potato. Good job I'm right at the start of my cycle so the pressure of off for a little while.

It's horrible isn't it @pixelflower .

I actually find it less stressful to not know exactly when ovulation is; because if I know and he's not around to DTD, or doesn't want to, then I'm a right moody cow. Although I'm not sure that's the most practical approach to ttc!

Feeling sorry for myself tonight, run down, full of cold, headache & cramps. Going to attempt an early night.

Thanks for the responses everyone, it helps to chat. Keeping my fingers crossed for all of you; hope we all get results soon x