How to deal with anger and bitterness after MC

[nicola18737]

I have DS (17 months) and I MC last week after 2 weeks of bleeding. We had been ttc for almost a year.

I am really struggling to move on. I am fine and functioning day to day, but I am keeping myself busy in order to stop myself from feeling. When I do stop, I feel sad, empty and lost.

I am also so angry and bitter at a friend who got pregnant the week after me after just 2 months of trying and now everything seems to be going swimmingly for her. I had a leave a social media group we were both in because her posting about her pregnancy was really hurting me. I feel horrible, but I am so bitter that everything has worked out fine for her, but I lost my baby. So I have now lost the support of that group(due to leaving it) because of my bitterness/sadness. I feel bitter and angry that she didn't message me to see if I was OK after I said I had to leave because it was too painful. I just want to move on and focus on me and my son. I feel guilty too that I am so consumed in my thoughts, I am not watching him grow an interacting with him as much as I should.

I just feel so lost, so bereft. I wonder if I need counselling to get over this sadness and bitterness. Has anyone else felt this way and can offer any words of support or advice?

@ReeReeR so sorry for your loss, that must have been devastating.

You give such wise and kind advice, hope you get some peace yourself.

Thanks @ReeReeR. I know, everyone's pain is relative to what they've gone through before. I can't imagine what that must have been like for you. I do think stillbirth is different from a MC. I think the later on you are, the harder it would be. It's not comparable, I do think they are different things. My thinking that is what is telling me to stop being so ridiculous as it was only 7 weeks. That's where I was struggling.

It felt almost like that friend of mine had taken my pregnancy. Had she not announced she was pregnant a week later than me then everything would have been fine. I was the pregnant one in our friend group. Then she comes along after trying for two months and 10 years younger than me. It felt inevitable. I think that's where my bitterness starts and ends. I don't feel bitter to anyone else. But then, I already have a son, perhaps if I didn't, I'd feel differently.

I feel better today after having a cry with a friend who is closer with that other friend of mine and also thinks that friend was really insensitive. So that helped me.

Your friend texting you she was pregnant? Unbelievable. It makes me so angry peoples insensitivity. It's just like saying "yes I really don't care about your feelings at all because look at me!"

I completely get what you mean @sadlycindy There is a girl at work who is pg now. When I went on mat leave two other women went too and they had their babies first and then my baby died. We went out last Christmas and they brought their babies. It would have been me this year but she is not here and another colleague has since announced pregnancy and presumably will have had her baby by Christmas so I am dreading her bringing her baby to the Christmas lunch because it feels wrong that she has a baby for Christmas when I was 7-8 months pregnant last Christmas and she wasn’t even pregnant...

I don’t know what to say about my friend. She seems to be using her pregnancy as an excuse not to be in touch (so as not to upset me) but then why on Earth mention it the first time she speaks to me since the funeral?! I have told her how I feel.

It isn’t for anyone to tell you not to grieve or that your are being ridiculous. Of course you’re not. It is different for women and as with many things you can’t really comment unless you’ve been there.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss op. It took me a good three months to stop feeling anger/bitterness all the time. I still have moments of it now and I had my surgical management at the start of May. Losing a pregnancy is very painful. Give yourself time to heal and try to keep busy.

I’m pleased in a way to find this thread as it has really helped me to feel that me and my partners feelings at the moment are completely normal.

I thought I was 11weeks but over weekend had a couple of tiny bleeds. Hospital scanned me Monday and there was a heartbeat but showing as 6weeks. The doctor said there’s a heartbeat look il show you and I turned to look at screen expecting to see a forked baby but what I saw didn’t lol right. I’m pretty certain of my dates so they said come back next week for rescan and we will check if any growth. I don’t feel that it is good news at all and today my stomach has started to ache.

Myself and my partner are heartbroken. I have 2 children already and he has 1 but we wanted a child together. My children’s father left us and hasn’t seen them in 6yrs and my partners ex didn’t want to involve him much when their son was born, she went to live with her mum and they didn’t let him stay over and she put her surname as child’s surname so he feels he’s missed the whole baby stage. We just wanted the perfect family and had started to get excited. It doesn’t help that 2 of his cousins just had babies, and 2 of our old friends have both had babies too so we are surrounded by babies!

We are keeping our sad news quiet so only limited people know so we don’t cause any awkwardness with anyone who is happy they have had a baby and it dies help to think we are fortunate to be parents already but all we keep thinking is why has this happened to us and it’s just not fair. I’m not a big drinker anyway but literally did not drink a drop from second of finding out, was very careful with what I ate and my partner didn’t even let me empty bins or carry anything he considered more than light. Life just seems unfair at times. I guess things just need time but it does help to think we are normal in experiencing similar feelings as many of you are. I hope everyone manages to feel better and get what they want out of life.