When is it time to give up?

[NewYoiker]

Currently having my 15th miscarriage, I got to 9 weeks this time. We had a still birth last year at 38 weeks, she was absolutely perfect but tests said the placenta had failed. I named her but no one has ever asked what her name is.

We have no problem getting pregnant, we get pregnant immediately and then I either lose it 8 weeks in or my period starts 1 or 2 days after getting a positive.

I'm 28 and I'm not sure I can keep doing this. We've been told we qualify for ivf but what difference will that make?

Is it normal to think about giving up? I want to be a mum more than anything, to see my husband be a daddy and his parents being the best grandparents ever. I think it will be harder to deal with when his siblings start having children.

I'm not sure how much time to take off work. My head is mush

Oh @NewYoiker just heartbreaking. What was your DD name if you don't mind me asking? I've only had 1 mc and it broke my heart I physically healed well but mentally a different ball game.

I don't know much about ivf but maybe they could help you stay pregnant if that's what you struggle with.

I had 2 weeks off work after my mc I think you need as much time as you need. I think it's totally normal to think about giving up I really do.
Thinking of you x

Oh my I'm so sorry, that must be very hard for you. what did you call your daughter?

I would go to the doctor and get checked out now. 15 seems an awfully large amount of losses and I do not know how you are coping with that.

Have a massive hug lovely xx

Her name is Evangeline.

Yes we've been for tests, there is a genetic factor at play with me, and low thyroid so I'm getting that treated now. It was an accident this time but I don't know how to move on.

What a beautiful name!

So sorry for you losses

Gorgeous name xx

I don't have any helpful advice but what a beautiful and unusual name Evangeline.

I am so sorry to hear of your losses and the loss of your beautiful daughter. I think you sound like an incredibly strong woman.

I think it's perfectly normal to wonder if you can keep going. I have had 5 losses and the last loss made me stop and question if I could cope with another loss. It took me 4 years to try again.

I ended up trying again because I couldn't bring myself to finally accept that I wouldn't ever be pregnant again. But it was a horribly anxious time where I bled heavily for the first 18 weeks.

I think only you can decide whether you can try again. But your own mental health is incredibly important and if I was your age, I might take some time out to allow your body and mind time to heal and allow whatever treatment you are receiving to conclude.

So sorry for the loss of Evangeline, what a gorgeous name.

I had had numerous chemical pregnancies this year so although I can't imagine how you feel I know it is so bloody hard to keep going.

I think that if you want to go for IVF then you should but take time to heal. Get counselling. Talk about Evangeline if it helps.

I'm so sorry you've gone through all of this, how heartbreaking.

I want to be a mum more than anything, to see my husband be a daddy

You're a mummy and daddy to all your precious babies who gained their wings far to early. Please don't think you're not a mummy and daddy because your babies aren't here with you.

Is there anyone that can carry your child for you? So they just act like an incubator. Do you have any family that would do this for you OP?

So sorry again that you're doing through this.

What a beautiful name for your little girl x

I think we're going to have a year off. I don't want to be in this position for a while

I really recommend counselling. You have been through unimaginable grief.

@cavycavy thank you, I'm going to speak to the gp tomorrow. Do you think I need a specific baby loss counsellor?

Beautiful name! It's heartbreaking that you are going through this. I also think speaking to a Councillor would be a positive step.
Maybe have a break if you feel like you can't carry on at the moment. It's completely understandable. Maybe you will feel like trying again afterwards.
Wishing you all the luck in the world. Look after yourself too.

Yes. I think I’d sway towards a private one. I’ve tried NHS counselling myself and it was ok. But recently I paid £40 per hour to see a private lady. The best money I have ever spent. I had a different issue to yours, but I was very skeptical about counselling and now I’m totally converted!

OP haven't the recurrent miscarriage clinic offered counselling?

I had a loss at 9 weeks in April, my 4th. Genetic testing showed the baby had Triploidy 69XXY. My mental health hasn't been great since then tbh and although we are supposed to be not trying, not preventing I go into overdrive in the tww and it is very damaging mentally and financially (taking multiple tests per day). I am giving series thought to making peace with not having another. I'm hoping counselling will help me decide what to do.

@taytosandwich they have but there is a 5 month waiting list which I am on but obviously we've had another one whilst waiting. It was an accident but it doesn't make it any easier. I just feel so lost.

I'm going to ask my doctor for another week off work

So sorry you're going through this. IVF with pgs or pgd testing might help with selecting genetically normal embryos. I've had 2 miscarriages and also tested 3 embryos which were abnormal, so they would have miscarried also. It could be something to look into when you're ready.

@LillyLeaf thank you, I hope you get the happy ending you're looking for too! We have been referred for ivf and genetic testing as all our babies that have been tested apart from Evangeline had FOP where the body creates extra bone in soft tissue so we need to screen that out as it will keep happening otherwise.

Oh if it helps I needed 3 weeks off with my mc at 9 weeks