Hey everyone, I’m sorry for the essay I’m about to fire up, but I need an outlet somewhere and hopefully some advice?!
I’m 24 and lucky enough to be engaged to my best friend, we’ve been together for 6 years and we’re really happy. We live together in an annexe on the side of his parents house at the moment while we save to buy our own home, hopefully early next year. We both work full time and earn fairly good money, we’ve travelled the world together from an African Safari to Jamaica, Mexico, Paris, Dublin, and so many more. We’ve made some amazing memories together during our relationship and we’re very lucky to have done what we have, and work hard for what we have.
From the very beginning of our relationship, dating back to about 18, I have known that my purpose in life is to be a mummy and there’s nobody else I’d want to build a family with than my partner. Its always been in the back of my mind, but over the last couple of years I have gone baby MAD. I honestly think about having a baby day in, day out and nothing else. I don’t help myself because I watch back to back one born, teen mum uk etc haha, guilty pleasures! But it makes me feel like I’m missing out and I generally feel quite sad about it. Don’t quote me when it does happen, but I’m even excited to be in labour myself to feel what it’s like and experience my new born baby being put on my chest for the first time. I just can’t think of anything more fulfilling in life.
Even screaming babies don’t deter me, my sister has just had a baby actually and through one of his meltdowns today she looked at me and joked ‘you sure you want one of these?!’ The truth is, yes! I wanted to comfort him and rock him and I just wish it was me.
I’ve spent weeks hoping by some miracle that I’m pregnant, I’ve been googling symptoms and getting excited even though I know I’m on the pill so it isn’t possible. I’ve had a metallic taste in my mouth for weeks, been bloated, tired, spotting, sore back, stomach cramps, even getting up for wees in the night which I’ve NEVER done before, I always sleep through. I have period pains as we speak and I feel really disappointed about it.
Don’t get me wrong, my other half can’t wait to have a family with me either. I think it doesn’t help that he keeps talking about how he can’t wait to have a baby and even telling his family that he’d be made up if I was pregnant. So what’s the problem? He wants to wait until we have our own place. I completely get it, and I know it’s the logical thing to do. But I feel like I’m getting punched in the gut every time one of my friends announces a pregnancy, I feel annoyed that couples around me who are miserable and argue all the time are having babies, then splitting up. So why can’t I? I know I sound jealous and bitter, I don’t mean to be! I think I just have so many maternal feelings and have nowhere to direct them :( advice anyone? Please!