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Erectile Dysfunction

9 replies

MrsMc2019 · 20/08/2019 07:58

I really find it difficult to post this so please bear with me.

I’ll start at the beginning(ish) we lost a pregnancy early this year so we’ve been trying again since then but a wee pattern is emerging......

We have quite a healthy sex life so perhaps the title is misleading as before and after our FW there is no issue but every month with our fail my fiancé seems to be unable to ejaculate and the past two nights has actually lost his erection during sex.

We have tried everything, we’ve tried not telling him it’s the FW, we’ve tied only just letting him know when it starts and we’ve tried keeping him as involved as possible and showing him all temperatures and OPKs - we even tried not tracking at all (although I still knew when my FW window was with body changes and he didn’t).

I’ve recently been checked out by my GP and my only issue is stress so I’ve started reiki, I’ve suggested that he try something along those lines too but his suggestions is getting some little blue pills.

I’m even suggesting that we give up for just now but he doesn’t want to do that either so I’m really worried about my next FW as it falls during our wedding week next month (I’m actually predicted to ovulate on our wedding day).

As a result my stress is just increasing so I’ve managed to persuade him to call his Dr but I know he still feels reluctant to do that.

I don’t know what to do or suggest any more so that’s why I’m posting here.

Has anyone else been in our shoes? What do you suggest.

OP posts:
LindaLa · 20/08/2019 08:07

It's pressure.

You said he is fine when not FW, its obviously pressure to perform!

Just relax, stop openly trying.

Remove the strain and try without trying.
Maybe a trip away during FW?

Olivebranch26 · 20/08/2019 08:24

This exact issue happened to me and my hubby when we tried for our first. He had never had any problems and has not had it since ttc. We were having quite a lot of sex so it got a little difficult for him and then he started to feel guilty and it went downhill from there. I was just extremely patient and tried to make light of it and make him comfortable with no pressure. Obviously he really wanted a baby so felt pressured anyway. We actually stopped trying for a month and had a lovely night out that involved some drink 😉 well that was the first time in the year ttc we got pregnant, unfortunately ended in ectopic but I have my rainbow baby now Grin he also refused to go docs but maybe that would have helped.

MrsMc2019 · 20/08/2019 08:42

The thing is he doesn't always know when my FW is. I've been really patient since it started but the past few nights I've been in tears. I'm only just getting him to talk about it now.

He says he wasn't aware that it seemed to always happen in our FW and he said he's sure it's not pressure or stress, he said he doesn't know why it's happening.

I'm pretty sure it's pressure/stress and want to try to help but he just won't let me and he's really not keen on pausing things for a while.

I've suggested a night away at FW but he's not even up for that.

We've looked online and self insemination seems to keep coming up, I'm not ready for that yet.

I just feel deflated because he's really resistant to anything I suggest and seems to just want to carry on the way we are.

OP posts:
LindaLa · 20/08/2019 08:48

I say this with the best intentions but you do seem quite obsessed.

You've been in tears and you've both been looking up inseminaton?

You feel defeated yet you don't think he has picked up on that?
You need to give yourself a break from TTC.

BoomZahramay · 20/08/2019 08:59

If you're in tears, asking him to talk about it, talking about nights away duting FW, and googling SI, how in the hell do you think you are not putting pressure on him?

You're getting married. Enjoy that. Are you going on honeymoon? Step away from the OPK, lady! Sex is supposed to be fun...

Olivebranch26 · 20/08/2019 10:06

Oh hun don't worry yourself too much we all get like this when ttc. Even if he says it's not stress that doesn't mean his body isn't feeling the stress. Sometimes I don't ovulate when when I've been stressed no matter how much I tell myself I'm not. Don't get me wrong when this happened to us it did put a strain on us for a while it's only when he fully opened up that I understood completely that it's just pressure. I'm not saying there might not be another reason maybe it would be worth getting it checked out and then you might bet better advice from doctor. It might just be a setback and will resolve soon enough. Try to stay positive ttc is hard enough without added stress. Don't blame yourself or each other you can't help the way you feel.

Ginmonkey84 · 20/08/2019 10:37

You may think he doesn’t know you FW but I can guarantee you he does. Happened to me and my husband for a couple of years he knew even when I tried to keep it from him. It’s all pressure and the more it happens the more he thinks about it and it’s a vicious circle he can’t finish or losses his erection.

I know you say your not ready for the self insemination thing but it’s something to consider I’m sure he can easily finish on his own and then the intimate times you have together isn’t about baby making and removes all that pressure. Maybe it’s time to give him a break from TTC for a little while x

MrsMc2019 · 20/08/2019 13:23

Soooo.....after my fiancé asking me to ask others for help and our worrying about things, we got a little carried away at lunchtime (we both go home for lunch!) it turns out we don't have a problem, we're thinking that maybe we just needed to change things up a little. Such a relief!

OP posts:
Olivebranch26 · 20/08/2019 13:28

😅 that's great news! And exactly how I ended up pregnant, try let some of the pressure go and enjoy baby making 😉

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