Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Flip

Original poster

Should I have a sperm donor baby alone?

13 replies

EmMiller · 13/08/2019 11:23

Hi there, this is the first time I have used this site but after reading some other posts I was hoping it could help to speak to people who don't know me personally.....

I have just turned 30 and I am thinking if by 31 I am still single I am going to be a single mother by choice via sperm donation.

I have had a few term relationships in the past, the last of which ended 3 years ago because he didn't want children.

I barley date … when I do they seem to go well but I haven't been interested in anyone.

I have a very tight friendship group and am very close with my large family. Had loads of holidays with friends. Travelled alone. Am constantly out drinking with friends on the weekend... but I feel like I am done with this and am ready for a baby/family/to be a mum.

I work for myself in a stable business so work/money isn't an issue.

My best friend is a single mother to a 2 year old.

My question is ... do I choose to do this alone or do I wait in the hopes I will find someone to do this with.

My main concern is loneliness... not having someone to experience the journey with ... someone to moan to, cry on their shoulder when it gets too much, experience all the firsts with ... but I really want a baby and I want one now ....

do I wait??

OP posts:

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 13/08/2019 14:28

You are still pretty young so I'd say wait a couple more years? Just because you don't need a father for your child doesn't mean that a child doesn't need a father. I'd give it another 5 years or so

Megan2018 · 13/08/2019 14:36

You are still very young, I’d hang on. A friend did this but in her late 30’s, she is a high earner with loads of family support so it worked out for her.

I met my DH at 35 after many single years and we expect our baby next month at 41 and 46. Conceived easily, there’s no rush!

Pip231018 · 13/08/2019 19:39

My friend was in a similar situation and she opted to do this at 33. She did an awful lot of research on the best clinics, the best IVF options and the right donor.

She eventually opted for 3 tries for around 10k and had a successful pregnancy. She wanted a sibling so she opted to use her second change before she was 35, however they found that her eggs had dramatically reduced. They did what egg collection they could and went on to have 2 miscarriages. The advice given, you don't have time to wait.

I think it has to be an individual choice, some people can conceive when they're older. Some can't. Whatever you decide, it will probably take a few months of planning which should probably be factored in to your timeline. X

rubyroot · 13/08/2019 23:12

I'd say do this at 33/34. What if you fall in love with a man in the next two years and already have a baby?

AnotherEmma · 13/08/2019 23:20

You should get a fertility check up now and then make the decision. I think PPs telling you to wait are being irresponsible. If you wait it might be fine, but you might have issues and regret waiting.

"What if you fall in love with a man in the next two years and already have a baby?"
Shock horror! I'm sure he will run a mile! Or perhaps if he is in fact "Mr Right" the baby won't be an issue.

wannabemummy123 · 14/08/2019 00:01

@AnotherEmma glad someone else replied to that shocking comment above you!

girlanonymous · 14/08/2019 00:29

If you want to and are ready and have the means then I say go for it!! Nothing like motherhood.

FeeFee832 · 14/08/2019 00:33

Is start looking into it and see how fertile you, how many eggs etc. Why don't you look into freezing them?!

FeeFee832 · 14/08/2019 00:33

Sorry I'm tired - see how fertile you are*

rubyroot · 14/08/2019 10:04

It's nota shocking comment, I'm being realistic. I'm not saying hell run a mile, so don't put words in my mouth! Op may wish she'd have waited to have a biological child with the man she loves- I think that's a reasonable thought.

wannabemummy123 · 14/08/2019 13:45

@rubyroot then she could maybe have another. Why should any woman have to wait for a man to feel fulfilled in life

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/08/2019 13:51

I met my DH at 35 after many single years and we expect our baby next month at 41 and 46. Conceived easily, there’s no rush!

That’s lovely news but your easy experience doesn’t mean OP or other women would be the same. It’s very risky leaving ttc for your first until your 40s and there are no guarantees for any of us, no matter what age, so I don’t think it’s wise to say that if you’re in your 30s you have loads of time.

OP, it’s an intensely personal decision and you know your circumstances better than we do. Give it a year and then go for it? Getting a fertility check up is also sensible advice.

rubyroot · 14/08/2019 13:58

My point was a factor to consider that's all. Op is only 31 and she may meet a man and then want biogical children with him. If she doesn't care about that that's up to her. But I understand that people are able to make points about factors to consider without oaoole jumping the gun and saying its a shocking comment. I also did not say that a man is needed to feel fulfilled in life!

Flip