Been trying for just over 2.5 years. I have 2 children from previous marriage 10 years ago, all natural. I was a gestation surrogate 3 years ago in 2016 via ivf and ended up with a kidney injury from untreated pre-eclampsia. My new husband had a vasectomy reversal January 2017 and we have been trying since then. Casually until this January and serious since then. I get positive ov tests every month on cycle day 12 of a 26 day cycle. My husband has a low sperm count and high numbers of ASA's. This month we tried insemination with a private sperm donor. I'm 3dpo and the mental punishment has already started.
Now I'm telling myself there must be something wrong with me. I haven't been tested but my husband has. We know he has an extremely low count. But what if its me too. What if since the surrogacy there is something wrong. Just because I'm regular and ovulate doesn't mean I'm fine. And why would this donor insem work!!?? Because right now I feel like it'll never happen. I have no hope. Hope can be crushed. So I've spent all morning in bed, nursing my mental instability. Googling and telling myself I must have something wrong. My head hurts from just thinking too much.
Ive had months where I'm totally chill and months where I should be commited!! But this month because of using a donor I feel I should have positivity.... But I can't find it anywhere. I'm not the only one who swings from one emotion to the next right? Because after 32 cycles of trying I think I'm lost. And maybe a little crazy.