Husband doesn’t want to DTD.. help me please

[FutureMrsD]

Hello everyone, I haven’t posted in a while. I think last cycles disappointment of not conceiving again when I was so sure led me to take a step back.
I am sorry, this is going to be a long post. I am really struggling and I guess Mumsnet will be my only place to turn seeing as this is an embarrassing issue that I can’t talk to anyone in real life about..
Me and DH have been TTC our first child since January when I came off of the pill and have been unsuccessful so far.
Since coming off the pill I have unfortunately had long and irregular cycles which has made things difficult.
Alongside this, I also have a husband who doesn’t seems to have the highest sex drive and I think he is also suffering with some confidence issues (he has gained weight in the 10 years we have been together, but I couldn’t care less. I love him to the moon and back regardless). Also, his job is very stressful and tiring, so DTD during the week seems to be off the cards.
After last month I said that I was getting upset that we had not conceived yet and it was really getting me down. He did mumble how we should probably DTD more – which I agreed and we kind of just left it at that. I said to myself that I would not OPK this month and that I would just try to DTD with my husband as much as possible and (hopefully) let nature take its course.
So its now the summer holidays – brilliant – we can DTD much more in theory due to DH not being at work. I am now just into my fertile week so want to go all out.
Got rejected last night. He was tired, apparently ‘we have all weekend’ to DTD. He could have a lie in in the morning so I guessed it wasn’t really an issue so pressed the matter and he got pissed off with me. I just turned around cried myself to sleep (silently of course). So now I am thinking its me.. why doesn’t he want to have sex with me? He does this allot during the week when he is working which I can understand, he is tired and stressed. I know he also gets bored and ‘sorts himself out’ when I am at working because there is nothing else to do when he is not at work.. he gets all weird and defensive whenever its bought up – he will probably feel more pressure I was to say to him about only ejaculating every other day to keep the sperm a good quality. I think deep down that’s why he wasn’t in the mood yesterday, but I couldn’t outright ask him that.
I have never told him when I am ovulating, so there is never that added pressure of having to perform.
I just want to scream at him from the top of my lungs.. ‘you actually have to fucking have sex in order to make a baby!!’
He is always bang on everyday about taking our preconception vitamins and talks about having a baby etc. so I know he wants it, just doesn’t seem interested in the actual making of – which should be the fun part surely?
I don’t know why I have written such a long rambling post. I guess I just want to know if anyone else has be in the same situation and how did you resolve it? I know it was to sit him down and say exactly what I have written out he would say how this is putting more pressure on him.
I just really really don’t know what to do. I am so sad. I really want a baby more than anything, but it actually process of having a baby just seems impossible. I also can’t help but take the fact he doesn’t want to DTD personally and that he doesn’t find me sexy anymore.
Sorry for the mega post..

Does he actually understand the mechanics of making a baby, i.e that there's only a few fertile days a month? He may not realise that by having weekend only sex you could be missing the fertile window every time!

I echo PP: how much does he actually understand about the process? Does he think you can have sex anytime of the month and there’s a chance of pregnancy?

If so, I’d be concerned that despite what he says, his actions add up to him not actually wanting to conceive as much as you do. Even in healthy couples who time sex perfectly there’s only a 30% chance of actually conceiving each month, and many pregnancies end in loss. You need to be having regular sex during the fertile week to conceive so if he isn’t willing I would sadly conclude he doesn’t want it as much as you do. Actions speak louder than words.

We were both very open about the process of TTC, OH knew I was using OPKs as I showed them to him when they were positive and even when we were both exhausted and not in the mood we made sure to squeeze in quickies anyway at key times, he happily agreed not to masturbate during and leasing up to fertile week etc. It can be hard work making a baby and you both have to really be on the same page about it.

Yes I'm not sure he really understands how important it is to do it at a set time. Unless you talk with him about it you'll never resolve this. I can't help in the not wanting sex part as my partner seems to want it non-stop regardless whether he has 'seen to himself' or not. I have told him not to do it himself for the time being though. Can you get your partner more involved in the prep side? Testing ovulation with you etc. My partner even took a test himself that had a stronger line than mine. No idea what that meant. Maybe buy some preseed? See if that helps him get in the mood. If he isn't interested in having sex with you you need to work out why that is first though and open communication is the best way to do that.

I can’t always have sex due to a health issue and I had a really strong sense of not wanting any of his semen to go to waste once we started trying haha, so I also bought a turkey baster and said to him whenever/ifever you do want to masturbate, do it in a cup and bring me it straight away and I’ll inseminate. Didn’t end up using it but could be an option if he’s not into sex much but likes to masturbate. Not super romantic but gets the job done, doesn’t catch all of the sperm as it’s better it isn’t exposed to air but better imo than it all being flushed down the toilet or whatever.