Did anyone here decide too late?

[IStillMissBlockbuster]

Hi, I hope people don't mind me asking this here and i'm sorry if it comes across as insensitive. The reason i'm asking is because DH and I have never decided whether we should have kids or not. I'm 33, he's 39. While i've never felt maternal or broody, I always wonder if i might change my mind (where is that biological clock...) and if not having kids is something i might regret.

So i guess i'm wondering if thee are many people here who didn't want children but changed their mind suddenly when they were older?

My situation is slightly different in that I always knew I'd like to have children, but I didn't meet anyone to do that with! So originally I figured it would happen before I was 30. Then when I got to 30 I thought, well, times have changed... 35? Then when I got to 35 I thought, there's still time! It wasn't until I got to 37 that I seriously thought about going it alone, and it's now 5 years later and I've had a very complicated journey this far, that's involved accepting that I left it too late to be able to use my own eggs. (In fairness, I wouldn't have been in a financial position to start trying any earlier anyway, so it's not entirely a case of 'leaving it', but still.)

In terms of things you could do in your situation, my thoughts are below (ranked from least expensive to most expensive):

• You could talk through with a counsellor, with or without your husband, what your thoughts are about having a family, and where your concern that you might change your mind 'too late' is coming from. It's perfectly legitimate if you don't want to have a family! But maybe you could explore what the idea means to you, what 'family' could look like if you ultimately did want to start one in later life, what your husband's priories are, etc.
• You could have some initial fertility testing to determine whether there are currently any worries with your fertility. At 33 you most probably do have lots of time to think about this still, but finding out more might help empower you, or alert you to any urgency in terms of making a decision.
• You could preserve your fertility options long-term by freezing embryos now for potential use later. That would basically mean having IVF, so it's a big undertaking for something you don't sound as though you particularly want to do, but I'm just mentioning it because technically it's an option.

Best of luck whatever your future brings!

blockbuster - to expand a bit on what pp has said, which I think is sound....

I am 36 (and a half) and just starting the process having ttc naturally for 6 months or so and then 3 months investigating ivf option and getting started. So far it's all going well (egg collection yesterday) and there are no particular signs that I've left it 'too late' (yet). However, I knew that I had endo and various other issues... My husband and I only got together when I was 33, and engaged when I was 35, then married quite quickly after that, and started trying. Now however it's 9-10 months later again.... I guess I feel that those years between 33 and 36 went quite fast! I remember thinking I wasn't ready for a child, and I wasn't ... and I still feel I'm not now(!), and I'm glad we got to enjoy a wedding and spoiling honeymoon, etc. I also remember thinking about freezing my eggs a couple of years ago, which a lot of my single friends were doing, some of whom were older... I figured that as I was with the guy I would probably have kids with, there wasn't much point. But I then felt pretty sh!tty when I got a relatively low AMH score back this year and to be honest I regretted that decision a bit and got a bit panicky right up to the point at which I had my first IVF scan last Friday which (thankfully) showed a good number of follicles.... I think there is also the second (or third) baby to think of... even if we have frozen blasts left over this cycle, the best case scenario is those eggs will be 36.5. If we don't, we will have to consider whether potentially doing another cycle pre trying implantation to 'bank' blasts (this is apparently now a 'thing'), or risk more difficulties with the second child. My doctor was like - at your age, if you definitely want more than one, even if this works, I might not then let you go and breast feed for 6 months+ and drift along without thinking about the next round fairly pronto (she's pretty militant). In a long winded way I guess I'm trying to say that I maybe regret not freezing eggs a few years ago. Or at least going to get all the tests (AMH in particular) done a bit earlier. If you can afford it and definitely want a biggish family, I would now try and put myself in the best postion possible a bit earlier. 33 is still very young though!

We started ttc when I turned 30 - it's not so much the getting pregnant but the staying pregnant you have no idea how that will be for you?

I'm now 36 and permanently infertile having had 5 miscarriages and 2 ruptured ectopics

I would hang about if I were you - I regret not starting in my 20s

I know I'm an extreme case but I never thought i would be in this situation.....

*wouldnt hang

Thanks for your replies. I'm not sure if I worded my post quite right. Did anyone not want kids until they were over 30 or 35, then drastically change their mind? That's what i'm wondering I guess.

I'm sorry that you have had such a hard time itwasalovelydream. I am not sure if I want kids at all so not hanging around would require having made a decision to have them IYSWIM...This is where i am /we are struggling.

Hi there OP,

We hope you don't mind - we think this thread would be better in Conception, so we're going to move it there now.

My husband and I had never really wanted kids, we weren't definitely against the idea but it was something that never really factored into our thoughts or decisions and we'd just assumed they were not for us. In fact when my friends started having babies in their late 20s it still seemed really early to me and quite an alien concept! We were happily enjoying travelling, buying our house and planning our wedding. Then when I got to 31 I changed my mind. It wasn't physical broodiness, more that I just couldn't see myself in 20 years time doing the same things and not having any adult children visit, or never having grandkids (I do realise this may never happen regardless!) I just wanted a new adventure so I mentioned it to DH and although he was initially shocked it took him about 1 day to come around to the idea and we started trying immediately. A year and a half later at 33 I am finally pregnant and expecting in October! Not sure if age was a factor in the time it took to conceive as it turned out we had mfi issues. I think there is a point where you do have to consider rationally what you hope your future looks like and make your decision based on that.