MMC

[serenity2019]

Hi
I didn't know whether to join this site as I'm not a mum. I recently had a miscarriage which was quite traumatic. When I searched the topic online it came up that another post was made about miscarriage on this site.
I'm not wanting to talk to friends about it so thought maybe writing would help and maybe someone in similar position can share with me.
I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant, found out on fathers day and my fiance was so happy too. It was planned but I thought we would have real difficulties as I was told this by a doctor.
The misscariage was not straight forward and I ended up with blood loss and going to hospital in an ambulance. I'm due a scan this friday to check if all is ok and whether I'll need an operation.
I was signed off work due to 'morning sickness' and was off work for 3/4 weeks before this happened. I've now been off work for 6 weeks going on 7.
I was 10 weeks pregnant although when in hospital it had stopped at 6 weeks although the sac and the rest continued to develop.
I do not feel anywhere near ready to go back to work. I don't want to talk to anyone about it. I'm still bleeding lightly with pain maybe twice a day.
How do women go back to work so quickly? I feel like a failure and worse for not feeling ready. I miss my job and routine. Two colleagues recently found out they were pregnant too and I feel reluctant to go back and work alongside them.
Needless to say I feel lost and confused. I'm waiting for my body to physically recover before I deal with the emotional part.
Nothing feels the same anymore and I don't know what to do.
If anyone identifies or has been through something similar it would be nice to know it's not just me.
Thanks.

Hi OP, I'm so sorry for your loss

You're definitely not alone in this, sadly there are a lot of us on here and the pregnancy loss section is a great place to go for support too if you need.

One thing I would suggest is don't go back to work too soon, wait until you're ready. I went back too soon, and regretted it. Take your time and be kind to yourself.

Take care x

Thank you for your reply.
How do I find the pregnancy loss section?

I'm so sorry for your loss and the trauma you have been through @serenity2019. As the previous poster said take as much time as you need before going back to work, and be kind to yourself. It is a heartbreaking experience to go through.

There is a pregnancy loss section here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage. It might also be helpful to consider counselling or talking to someone - the Miscarriage Association charity is a good place to start.

I found it helpful to have a safe space outside of my normal support network to just try and process the feelings around my MMC and moving forward.

X

@serenity2019 I'm so sorry for your loss. It was the toughest thing I've ever had to deal with.

The miscarriage section here is under body and should however the conception page has threads also.

You say you're not a mum however you are if you want to be. In my opinion you're a mum with your little baby an angel. There's a good baby loss awareness group on Facebook which you can join.
My missed miscarriage was in October last year. I found out at my 12 weeks scan. Baby had passed the week before at 11+
Like me I'm sure you had made plans, could imagine holding your baby, feeding, walking in the pram etc so not only have you lost your baby you've lost your dreams.

I know it doesn't feel like it now but you will come to terms with this in your own time. All the milestones are difficult but you learn to deal with them in your own way. There is also a number of insensitive people out there but you just have to nod or ignore. The most interesting thing I found was the number of colleagues (including men) who told me their stories and struggles. I now have different relationships with at least half a dozen colleagues. It's more common than you realise sadly and rarely spoke about.

I had a month off work, wasn't long enough for me and I found it difficult to go back but it was best for me as I was going crazy in the house. I aril have up and down days especially as I'm not pregnant again.

Look after yourself and talk with your hubby and take care of each other as you'll both deal with in in your own way.

Much love ❤️

@serenity2019 firstly I'm so so sorry. I too had a mmc in Feb. I had some spotting and although this can be normal went for a scan to check. Like you I was 10 weeks and the baby stopped at 6. I also was unable to work due to morning sickness. I was exhausted from vomiting when I had the ERPC surgery. It is such a devastating event to go through. Also messes with your head when you feel so pregnant yet the baby has stopped. Don't feel bad about taking time off. Only go back when you're ready. I get that you miss your routines but it will be hard to be near pregnant ladies. Wait until your body and mind feel stronger.

I just felt like I wanted to pregnant again and that was the only way to ease the pain. The doctors said we were ok to try again and we fell pregnant straight away, however I had a chemical pregnancy. I really wished I'd waited because having two losses back to back really messed my body up. We couldn't even try in the following two cycles because one was anovulatory and the over was unpredictable. Only try when you feel you could deal with another loss. My mental health plummeted after two in a row.

The good news is 6 months later I'm now pregnant again. I'm only just over 4 weeks but i has an ultrasound yesterday and so far so good. It's early days but I'm optimistic. I feel strong and like I could deal with another loss if I had to. People said these things on threads when I was at my darkest and I didn't believe I could be ok but you will get there!

Your mental health is the most important thing in this situation. In order to fall pregnant again and be happy and healthy healing needs to take place. This is tough but you will get there. Just have faith and know you will get there.

I know how painful my loss felt so my heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself and I hope no more interventions are needed! Xx

Hey @Catconfusion congratulations xx

Thanks @Michellebops it's all been a bit of a shock as my body has really struggled after the two losses but randomly pulled this out of the bag just before our fertility appointment. How are you? Xx

@Catconfusion still hanging around, still not pregnant.

I found out I had more cysts and adhesions so got them sorted in June. You're supposed to be more fertile following a laparoscopy so you can imagine how gutted I was.

Anyway I'm now 1 or 2 dpo and fingers crossed for this month. This was the exact same time I fell pregnant last year so I'm even more hopeful.

If it's meant to be it will be xx

I'm sorry to hear that @Michellebops but glad you got some treatment. Hopefully this month is your month. It's so hard when it's something you're ready for. I'm still very early days so I'm not getting too excited just yet. Hopefully 2020 will be the year for both of us! Xx