Advice needed ASAP pplleeaasseee

[Alyw89]

So my husband and I have been ttc for nearly 3 years. We have decided after a series of poor sperm analysis to use a sperm donor (secondary infertility so no NHS help). Our donor is available for us tomorrow night (cycle day 11) and Wednesday morning (cycle day 12). He is happy to donate both times for us to inseminate and we are travelling 2 hours to stay in an airbnb to be close to him. But now I'm panicking about timings and how it's all my responsibility to get it right.
I have a regular 26 day cycle and last month got my solid smiley on day 12. I've had consistent ov symptoms around day 12 for months. So I'm not sure why I'm panicking this month so much. But I feel like I'm going to mess up the timing. Also our donor is going to do his business in a sterile pot and we are going to inseminate with a needleless syringe. But does anyone have any tips? Should we use conceive plus or preseed. Or not?
Please help a nervous woman out here. And please no hate we have spent 3 years desperate for a baby together and have finally come to the realisation that DNA counts for nothing, it's the love we have for a child which matters.
Thabks for reading.
I had a flashing smiley this morning. Tell me what you think with my timing. Do you think my timing is right for tomorrow night and Wednesday morning? Would you stay an extra night an dget a donation in for Wednesday night/Thursday morning too? 🙈

Hi @Alyw89

I haven't been in your situation before so I'm not sure if my advice is much use!
But I'm just thinking of the normal pregnancy 'protocol'

Whenever you get your 1st positive OPK that means that ur ABOUT to ovulate, but ovulation can take up to 36 hours after positive OPK - so just in case, I would advise you if possible to stay the 2nd nite and flood the egg with as many swimmers as possible.

In relation to lubrication, I know they don't need it, but it has been proven the speed are better swimmers in that fluid, and assuming that ur not going to orgasm/produce ur own, I would say use a bit of the lube surely

Again, this is just me thinking out loud so please don't take this as gospel or jump down my throat if I've said something wrong 🙈

I really hope this works out for you! And keep us updated

Thank you for your kind words!! It all makes sense and is a help to me when I'm feeling so nervous!! It's the formalities of it all I'm terrified of too! 😂 Knowing the man is doing his business in the bathroom next to me.... Awkward!!
I think if I don't get my solid smiley tomorrow we will stay the second night like you say 👍
I'm hoping we are successful but then could be unlikely on the first month! It's just, we've been trying for 3 years with bad sperm and I somehow am imagining good sperm might do the job quickly!! Delusional I know 🙈 xx

Ur not delusional at all! Yes - judge ur 2nd night on when u get ur positive OPK

I really do hope it works out for u 1st cycle - if not, is the donor willing to keep donating?

I know it must be awkward knowing what he's doing next door - but after 3 years of TTC u would do anything for those 2 lines!

We have been trying for 21months
so I feel ur pain

Yes after 3 years and knowing sperm is our only issue, we have just had enough of keeping up the monthly positivity. I swear we have tried everything. And finally my husband suggested we try a new avenue to see what happens. We have 2 children from my previaou marriage that my husband has raised and is a great step dad to, dna doesn't make a difference to his love.
Thank you for calming me down. We are keeping this confidential so I have no one else to talk to. The donor is willing to keep going until we need it, but driving 2 hours away and paying for air bnb every 26 days seems hard work. Especially with the kids in tow. My husband is taking them for a walk whilst we do the business. So we are going to try this week and see how we feel. We have another friend near by we can ask and we know he would be more than willing to help. But we wanted to try further away first. It makes the contact thing easier knowing the guy won't be around us bringing up his biological child.
He has good sperm as he has had 2 successful pregnancies with his partner first month of trying each time. So fingers crossed!
Have you been for testing yet? Xx

Morning @Alyw89!

It's great that you have been able to find a donor reasonably easily - without having to go through a clinic and pay through the nose.
I'm sure you've thought long and hard about it - but I wouldn't give up on the far away donor too handy. As u said, he won't be around the child in the future which will remove that last wee 1% of parenting doubt if that makes sense?
Also - the fella that lives close - as much as he's a fab friend, I've had great friends for 10+ years who I think will always be in my life, something happens and they're gone... I'm not saying this will happen to you, but when it comes to something as serious as a biological parent - u do not want ANY future repercussions (am I makin any sense?! 🙈)

I'm on the waiting list for the fertility clinic and should have my appt in Oct. I live in N.Ireland & there's a 6month NHS waiting list over here

I had my 21day bloods which showed low progesterone - I'm repeating this test tomoro to double-check
If it comes back low again, then either I'm not ovulating, or the lining in my uterus is too thin for anything to stick - either way I will need medical intervention
DF has his SA - and all was good there

That's positive that your other half's SA was good! My husbands has been low for 3 years, disastrously low and he has antisperm antibodies too which stop them from swimming. We toyed with the idea of going to a clinic, but we can't justify the thousands it would cost as we already have children. And we feel this would be selfish to use our family income on an uncertain treatment. But that's our personal opinion and 8n no way what we think of other people.
The donor is meeting me at 5:30 and my husband is taking the dog and children out for a walk whilst the deed is done. I'm terrified. I feel sick! I got another flashing smiley today on my cb digi and I have an almost positive cheapie opk. So I'm hoping it's perfect timing. I just know I would get a solid smiley tomorrow morning.... If I wasn't out of test sticks and wasnt resisting buying more 🙈
This guy we are using is relatively a stranger to us, never met him in person. I have visions of him being an axe murderer ect. But we figured we wanted someone as unknown to us as possible. He has drawn up a contract to say what we do with the sperm once donated is our responsibility and he will have no contact with any child produced from his donations. It's all very official and planned. But I still can't get away from that sick feeling. I don't regret the decision. I'm rambling.... I'll stop now and quietly panic 😂😂

😂😂😂😂😂
I'm not laughing at u .... but yeah actually, i am! 🤣🤣
Ur so funny because I know it's pure nerves and when I'm nervous I have verbal diarrhoea so I feel ur pain. And I can have a full scale conversation about absolutely nothing 😂

I was going to ask about a contract only I didn't want to say in case u didn't have one and then u started to panic that u needed one!
That sounds like it's all signed, sealed & now he just has to deliver! Lol

Oh I'm looking at the clock & imagining you're in the bedroom now, job is done, ur lying with ur legs up trying not to cough or laugh, as ur browsing on here trying to kill time until u feel like the swimmers have swam as far as they need to go
(Cos this is my saga every cycle!)

Am I right? 😂

Haha!! God you are right!!! That's me every month, but not just yet. He isn't here yet, I'm still waiting... 12 minutes until he's here!! But I have visions of thee person I'm expecting not being the person I'm expecting!! Oh god its like online dating!!my husband kissed me goodbye and took the kids and the dog, he looked like he was about to collapse.
There is whiskey in the kitchen of this air bnb apartment. I might swig some 😂 atleast if I'm murdered ill due happy and drunk right?!
The contract is very proper!! He consulted a solicitor and everything! This is the most surreal thing I've ever done!
Okay I'm going to panic some more, I'll message when I have my legs up, either willing swimmers or from the grave 😂😂😱

Just remembered the pre-seed.... Its up there warming 😳😱 1 minute!!

He's nice. Smells good. Good looking. Very sweet. Has given me the contract. Taken his pot and gone to the bathroom. Oh god I know what he's doing up there....
Oh god I know what I've got to do when he's finished 🤦‍♀️
I hope you appreciate this story. I figured it's Internet comedy at my expense!!!

Oh no! It wouldn't let me post and I lost me last msg 😫😫

I can't even remember what I wrote

Have you the baster & pre-seed at the ready?
So u reckon he's defo not the murdering type - as if murderers bother with nice aftershave 😂😂

Haha I'm still alive and I have his swimmers in place! My feet are on the headboard of my airbnb bed 😂 my husband is happy he isn't planning my funeral!
I feel better now. He's a nice guy! He was up there no more than 5 minutes 😳 brought me the loaded syringe down and said have fun! See you in the morning! He then crossed his fingers and said, this will work! I feel less seedy now! Swim spermies swim 😂😂😂

Just a little note to say I wish you the best of luck, OP. We have unexplained secondary infertility and have been TTC number two for 2 and a half years now so I understand your situation.

I really hope things work out for you.

😂😂😂
Oh he sounds lovely! He also sounds like quite the pro at this...
I wonder how many times he has done this and how many biological babies he has in this world

Oh I bet he makes a full time wage spreading his seed! 😂😂

Swim little spermies SWIIIIIMMMM

Thanks girls!
Glitterandunicorns, I hate that anyone knows the pain we feel. I hope you get your miracle soon. I was sure years ago we would be one of the lucky ones after falling with my boys 10 years ago very easily. But no luck. So we are exploring other avenues. I haven't been tested myself yet. But I have very regular and normal periods every 26 days, positive ov tests every month on about the same cycle day, so I didnt feel we need to pay for my testimg just yet, i have no concerns.
Haha all I know is he's done it twice before to help lesbian couples. Don't even want to know about the amount of seed he's spread 😂😂
Keeping everything crossed... Including my legs 😂😂
Off out for dinner like nothing has happened 👍 my husband is amazing, so chilled and laid back. Making a joke out of it all!

It's great that ur hubby is so chilled & I think now that I've done it once - it won't be awkward for u in the morning, or any other time should it be needed
Keep me updated anyway & enjoy ur dinner

Uve* done it once!
I have not, but never say never 😂😂

Thanks lovely! I'll update tomorrow and whether it's worked or not! Watch this space 😊

I have my repeat 21day bloods tomoro so I'll find out by the start of next wk if I'm ovulating or not!

Hopefully we'll both get out bfp's soon! 🤞

Good luck for your bloods! Hope you get the results you want to help with a bfp quicker.
Im sat with my coffee in hand, having kicked the kids and husband out at 6:45, waiting for my donor again. Today I did a cheapie ov test and it's o very nearly positive!!!! So fingers crossed my timing is good! And even though my husbands sperm count is loooww we still dts last night to flood the egg with sperm 😂🤭
Every shot counts right 🙈🙈
Although in all honesty the idea of having sex with my husband whilst I had another man's jizz up there 🤦‍♀️😂 freaked me out.... But he told me to get past it!!

Wow I thought this morning would be easier 🤦‍♀️ but he walked in, said good morning and then said 'okay I'm going to do it!' and just like that I don't think I've ever had such an awkward moment in my life 😂😂

😂😂
Well he's Definitely efficient!
No time wasting there - he's defo a pro lol

R youse staying tonite too?
what was your DH's sperm count? He really is so laid back and chilled about all this - which is ideal!

I rang fertility clinic yday to see where I was in the queue & get a better idea when I'd be called - she said it would be another 3 months, so that's November!
I Know fine we'll that either I'm not ovulating, or I am but my progesterone is too low so nothing can stick to the thin lining - either way I'm in limbo land. So I'm going to see GP on 20th Aug to get her to send another referral into fertility clinic, and get this one to stay as urgent. (1st one was sent as urgent but fertility clinic marked it down to routine as GP didn't have enough on sheet - waiting list for urgent is 1 month, routine 6-months!)

Oh god! That's still a wait! But atleast your gp is on your side and willing to help.
Ours sent my husband for his sperm tests the first few times and took potty on us! But we've had to pay for the rest.
His sperm count was 1.9 million per ml and 9 million total count in the whole sample. But 0% forward progression and 90% ASA. So pretty crap!!
But that doesnt stop him trying, bless him he tries so hard 🙈
We've packed up and come home. I'm ovulating today definitely and I don't want to push myself with awkwardness in the first month we try this. I figured everything I've read says the 2 days in the lead up to ovulation are the most important for sperm to get up there. 🤷‍♀️
Plus we have the kids and the dog, we miss home! It's not so easy doing all this with tag alongs 🤭

Just chipping in to say good luck.. I SO hope it works for you :)
My DD1 and her wife are going down a similar route shortly (DD1's wife is hoping to concieve as DD1 has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and pregnancy will be difficult for her). They know their potential donor, who has also done he deed for another couple (all officially).

Exciting and scary..keep those feet raised :D

Ahhh thank you stillmadusa 😊
I really hope it works for you daughter and her wife! It's a wonderful thing for a donor to do and I'm just so grateful there are men like that out there. Otherwise we would all have to spend a lot of money on clinics and that's just no realistic for everyone!
I've inserted something called a softcup to keep it all up there and now on our way home to wait! Going to be an especially long 2 weeks!