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Original poster

AIBU - Now he is saying he wants to wait

12 replies

Luxoire · 05/08/2019 12:05

SOOOOO.I was to come off the pill last week and DH says he thinks maybe we should wait another year because

  • he just started a new job in July and would really like a year done before the distractions of pregnancy and a new baby
  • we were planning to go visit inlaws in San Antonio next summer, so he thinks it would be good to get this out of the way too
  • oh and there was a third reason i cant remember

I said well we can go visit in April in the spring, i might be little pregnant but i dont mind - i hear San Antonio is boiling in the summer anyway so my British kids might not appreciate the heat!

Now about his job, he travels a lot, so i can see his view point. however 35 was always my cut off and I feel like if i dont do it this year, I dont want to do it again. I have just lost a massive amount of weight and feeling in a good place mentally - our last turns 4 in November and to actually have a baby in another 2yrs (that will be 6yrs between the second and the last and 8.5 yrs between the first and the last) i am not sure I want to be doing all the new born stuff again after that long.

its our anniversary on Tuesday and he said to think about it and we can talk about it tomorrow.
To me that says he is not ready even though he had agreed before...and I feel like telling him we can wait if he wants to, but i know deep down inside i will not try again (unless by some miracle of failed contraception i get pregnant next year.)

Now AF is back in and I am still on the pill and feeling disappointed

Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
yourestandingonmyneck · 05/08/2019 12:25

Sounds to me like he is having second thoughts and hoping you won't want want to do it in a year.

Could you be happy with your two kids?

yourestandingonmyneck · 05/08/2019 12:25

Sounds to me like he is having second thoughts and hoping you won't want want to do it in a year.

Could you be happy with your two kids?

yourestandingonmyneck · 05/08/2019 12:25

Sounds to me like he is having second thoughts and hoping you won't want want to do it in a year.

Could you be happy with your two kids?

yourestandingonmyneck · 05/08/2019 12:25

Sounds to me like he is having second thoughts and hoping you won't want want to do it in a year.

Could you be happy with your two kids?

yourestandingonmyneck · 05/08/2019 12:26

Sounds to me like he is having second thoughts and hoping you won't want want to do it in a year.

Could you be happy with your two kids?

yourestandingonmyneck · 05/08/2019 12:26

Whoops, sorry for multiple posts Blush

Vanillelle · 05/08/2019 12:29

It's tricky, because if he isn't ready he isn't ready. Is he maybe having second thoughts about having a third?

I think all you can do is keep talking - share your concerns, not least the fact that you're the one who has to be pregnant, and your age and feelings about the delay therefore have to be given proper consideration. He may just be having a wobble, or not thinking about the additional toll on you of holding on.

Original poster
Luxoire · 05/08/2019 12:59

MN is being a monkey and not showing your replies yet ladies x

OP posts:
Original poster
Luxoire · 05/08/2019 13:01

@yourestandingonmyneck haha thats ok re multiple posts think the site is having a few issues

he did say he was more positive about the 3rd just not the timing - I suppose i could be happy with 2 - i do appreciate I am blessed to have had 2 healthy children, so worst case I could be - lol. Not sure if I will look back with regret though x

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 05/08/2019 13:03

He's got a point on the job front; if it's a brand new job and he travels a lot, I can see why he'd want to be much more settled before pregnancy/baby.

All you can do is keep talking, see if there's a compromise - start trying in January? That'll mean he's out of probation at his job and he'll be pretty settled, but its not too much longer for you to wait...

Original poster
Luxoire · 05/08/2019 13:08

@Vanillelle yes i dont think he realises it gets harder with age - i know he said whats another year.. but i actually felt the difference physically between my 1st and 2nd and there is about 2.5yrs between them! one in my late 20s and the other early 30s!

and i am thinking - i am not mich is going to change work wise for him, if anything it might get more involved. Also, his job means he is qute often away for 3/4 days a week, so I am the one at home with the kids most of the time. For me a summer baby works perfectly because I do not have to worry about the school run with a CS (which i will have to have!)

So it isnt like we can compromise and say lets wait 6months, because technically after paternity leave, i have to get in the car and do the school run, to do this with 2 kids , a baby and a massive section cut is NOT my idea of new born bliss, better to do it in the holidays so that by September when schools resume I would be up and about again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Luxoire · 05/08/2019 13:15

@AnchorDownDeepBreath yeah i get that, and i know how he feels, but part of me is thinking i really dont want to wait a year...
i mean going back to breastfeeding 6yrs later hahahaha i know i sound terribly one sided and selfish hahaha and i get his point i really do, i just feel like it will still be same for me now or in a year (maybe worse with age)

and apart from his job security, he will still only get 2 weeks paternity - i will still be home with the kids alone lol - who why not now when mentally i am ready to keep that chapter open

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