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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

He is desperate for a baby, I’m not ready.

10 replies

ArizonaGal · 31/07/2019 15:27

I have never posted here, but I’m keen to get some advice. My fiancée is pushing for a baby. We just got engaged and we haven’t decided when/where we are getting married. He wants me to get pregnant. He has been broody, since I have meet him. I wasn’t. All of their mates are pregnant or just had babies. I’m currently changing careers/moved to another town and I feel like I’m in limbo at the moment. I’m not ready for this sacrifice. I just started my own business (something I always wanted to do). I have been working towards this goal for a while. Financially we are not stable enough to have a baby and my business won’t be profitable at the beginning. I need time to adjust to the idea of having kinds. We are 32 and he is panicking that we will have fertility issues. We are healthy, active and I have no issues with my health. We have no family history of genetics diseases etc. I’m convinced we won’t have issues. I want to wait one year or two and hopefully I will change my mind.
I love him and I don’t want to be with anyone else. I just need time to adjust to the idea. I wish, I was like other women who are ready for a baby.
Greetings from Arizona.

OP posts:

TurnAroundWhenPossible · 31/07/2019 15:37

Well he can 'want' all he likes, but no way should you feel pressured into getting pregnant. You are not ready for a baby, and that's your right. Tell him there's plenty of time for family planning once you are married. Don't trust him with contraception. How long have you been together?

MrFlibblesEyes · 31/07/2019 15:49

Why does he want to try before you are married? Is he worried that he will marry you and then you will turn around and say that you don't want children at all?

peachgreen · 31/07/2019 16:02

He needs to accept that you don't want a baby now and maybe not ever. You need to accept whatever decision he makes about your relationship based on that information. Simple as that.

Original poster

ArizonaGal · 31/07/2019 16:06

He just wants kids as soon as possible. He is worried that we might have issues with conceiving. In his opinion we are “old”. I just can’t understand him. I’m fully aware of the fact that many people are struggling/can’t have babies. I don’t want to be so negative about the whole experience. I believe in positive thinking and I don’t want to adopt his mentality.

He is a wonderful man. Very supporting and carrying. He will be a great dad, but I don’t know how to talk to him. 50% of our friends are pregnant and his brother just had a baby. I think he is jealous of him, but they have been married for 7 years.
He said that he wants us to start tying next year and be pregnant by the end of the year. I feel like he is putting pressure on me and I don’t want to be given a deadline :(

I feel guilty saying that I need more time and that I’m not ready. I don’t know how to talk to him. I don’t want to loose him. I’m sure by the end of next year, I will be in a better place (with my business/settle in in a new town) and hopefully we will be married by that time.

OP posts:

Original poster

ArizonaGal · 31/07/2019 16:11

@TurnAroundWhenPossible I do agree with you. But I’m not sure why he can’t see this

OP posts:

TurnAroundWhenPossible · 31/07/2019 18:30

If he's supportive as you say, he should be supporting you in your new business venture. You need to focus on that for now. I'm sure others will take issue with this, but you only have to read these boards to see the number of mothers who do vastly more child care than their partners (whose working lives and hobbies often take priority). It does sound like he is jealous of his brother - are they generally competitive? You are still young - a couple of years to get your business off the ground is nothing in the grand scheme. Good luck with your business!

flossy12 · 31/07/2019 18:56

Maybe just make the time to have the conversation that you aren't ready yet? If he's talking about next year just say that your going to be on contraception until then and when it comes closer to that time you can discuss it again

It's completely different for men than women once there's a baby in the picture, women are expected to take the majority of the time off and lessen worn etc. If your just setting up your business this isn't the best option for you

Hope all goes well 💕

Thistle23 · 12/08/2019 11:45

He has to wait until you are both ready.

My oh has been broody for years but i haven't . I'm 26 , he's 32 - we got together when I was 20 (I definitely wasn't ready then), I've only just came off my pill as I'm extremely broody.

Original poster

ArizonaGal · 12/08/2019 16:23

@thistle23 Thank you for your kind msg x I need a little bit more time to sort out my business. I just can’t think about anything else atm.
What happened that your have changed your mind (made you feel ready)? Xx

OP posts:

Thistle23 · 13/08/2019 07:51

@arizonagal To be honest I'm not sure what changed my mind. Usually I'd only look at babies and go i want one around certain times of the month and then it would pass.

Now I see a baby and know that's what I really want, that's been a solid feeling for the past 4-5 months , but we were waiting to get married and we do that on Friday .

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