TTC No.2 post-40: doc has told me to get on with it.

[kenhomsbestwok]

Aged 40, and will be 41 in September. Had first baby last September - was conceived naturally. History: got pg first time of trying (DH was 35 then and is 36 now) but had MMC at 9 weeks. Got pregnant 4th time of trying resulting in wonderful DC. Had DC by elective C-section.

We really want a second as DC is amazing (hard work at times but totally worth it!) and a lot of life is in limbo at the moment until we know whether we will be lucky enough to have a second DC (i.e. moving house, moving country, changing jobs etc).

Had wanted to wait until after summer as: a) wanted to let body fully recover from CS (they say a year right?), b) wanted to enjoy the summer having been pregnant with baby we lost in 2017 (and awful morning sickness!) then heavily pregnant last summer, and c) wanted to enjoy our "honeymoons" in Sept and Oct. However, have been "preparing" in terms of taking folic acid and ubiquinol for last few weeks.

Went to docs on friday to ask for AMH and FSH tests and he said it probably wasn't worth doing as wouldn't show much. But mentioned to him that my periods have been longer and with shorter cycles so he's allowing me to have the tests. But he also said that we need to get on with it as "each month which passes your fertility is rapidly declining".

This has scared me somewhat. I mean, I know that I haven't got oodles of time to play with but I guess it's made me think, shit!!!!!!!! We don't want to go down IVF route for various reasons.

We just have to go for it right?! I've bought OPK's today and will start those when it says to. And thinking of re-starting acupuncture (think that helped last time though who knows).

Any tips/thoughts gratefully received.

Well it sounds like you were thinking of starting to try again at 41, with a view to giving birth at 42.

Whereas he's saying get pregnant at 40 and give birth at 41.

I think he's probably got a point. Particularly if your cycle is actively changing.

I mean the fact is that if you start late, and you want two, then you're talking about having 2 under 2. Our time is limited, and things may take a lot longer, and miscarriages are a higher possibility.

Did you breastfeed? If so make sure your vitamin D and iron levels are ok. Pregnancy and BF can be tough on your body. I don't think the c-section is such a problem. I think it's actually 12-18 months between deliveries, not that you have to wait 12 months before getting pregnant. I was in your position (a little older actually) and I rushed into TTC slightly too soon (DC was 7mths) and succeeded but MMC. I put this down to a mixture of bad luck, being nearly 43 and a body depleted of nutrients. I got there in the end, a year later. Wait 3 months for the ubiquinol to hit your system- almost everything takes 3 months to have an effect. Also, I got pregnant with a viable pregnancy with terrible AMH levels, so don't put a lot of emphasis on the result you get and don't be discouraged if the results are poor.

The only way those tests are actually helpful is to indicate how you might respond to ivf stimulation drugs. As said, you can still get pregnant naturally with crazy low amh drugs, even though many women with very low amh don't respond to ivf... so he's right. (My asshole gp wouldn't even run the tests after I'd been ttc for over a year age 33, so I can understand your gp not running them when you aren't even ttc). If you want another, there's nothing you could do about the levels. Subfertility and miscarriages rise in likelihood as we age...

If you would be really distraught not having two, he's probably right. I saw an infographic some time back that said if you want a 90% chance of two kids without ivf, you should start ttc aged 28. Of course, there are all sorts of problems with that statistic, but the point is that we just don't have the luxury of taking all the time we want.

If you weren't sure about another, it's a different story.

Thanks for the responses and sorry for your loss Petra.

Yes, I think we need to crack on as I am preparing self for another MC given age. So who knows how long it might take - if we manage it at all.

I wasn't able to BF sadly (had a go but it didn't work for us). Right project number 2 is starting!!!! Am just about to get period so will try when my FW starts (have the Clue App and will track using CB digital)

Hi @kenhomsbestwok .....Huge good luck with project number 2! :) I am 41 are we are TTC - we also went to the doctors a few months ago and he said exactly the same to us :). I have 2 boys already to my previous marriage and have been with my DP 8 years but no children between us and I suddenly woke up a few months ago and thought wow - if we don't try pretty quickly we (I) will run out of time! We officially started last month and got a BFP and now I have become totally obsessed! I have the app, the OPK and a draw full of PT and have read everything there is on the internet. I didn't realise this second round of trying to make a baby would be so stressful so early on!

@Carolba thank you! And I hope you have success too! Yes, after my MMC I became obsessed with tracking too! It is quite addictive!!