14 months of TTC

[CammieD9]

Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum but have been TTC for 14 months. I've been struggling a lot lately with staying positive. I thought it might be time to join the conversation rather than just hanging back and reading everyone else's posts!

I am 32 and my husband is 37. We are both reasonably healthy with no diagnosed fertility issues (yet). We've both have blood tests done and I seem to be ovulating normally. My internal ultrasound and dh’ semen analysis are all good.

After 14 months of TTC I'm starting to lose hope. I know that there are many women on this forum who have been trying for much longer than that and are dealing with fertility issues. They stay positive and keep going no matter what. But lately I haven't been able to. I feel depressed a lot of the time. I cry a lot. The pain of not being able to fall pregnant is always with me. Close friends and colleagues who have announced their pregnancies over the past few months, don’t make the situation easier. I try to distract myself with other things but that doesn't really work for me. And in my private moments it's hard to think of anything else.

I know I need to stay positive and avoid getting stressed - for myself, my husband and to increase my chances of conceiving. But I'm struggling, really badly. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has found a way to overcome these feelings, at least a little bit, during their TTC journey? I hope you’ll give me some advice.

@CammieD9 I totally feel your pain. I'm new to this forum as well. I'm having issues too and my head is frazzled with understanding it all. We've had tests as well. When you had tests did your partner get a semen analysis and what were the results? I'm 39 and my partner is 41 and it's my first.

No words of advice but wanted to send love. I am only 7 months TTC but finding it incredibly stressful, I think it's the complete lack of control. The positive thing is at least you are seeking help and you are doing something about it. I think it's rare that absolutely nothing can be done about fertililty problems- you'll get a plan soon I'm sure if it doesn't happen naturally. Good luck xx

We've got a fabulously supportive thread going if anyone would like to join

Starting the journey thread 2 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/3585993-starting-the-journey-thread-2

It can be totally overwhelming so you need a place to vent. I find that helpful.

We've been trying for 23 months with one mc this year. All very heartbreaking and frustrating.

I bought DH some Brazil nuts today, I'll try anything lol!

We've been trying for nearly 5 years, and have had a lot of heartbreak along the way. My advice is to not worry about stress levels. It does no good to stress about stress and have the snowball effect take over. Studies have shown that stress has no impact on fertility anyway. In order to reach our goals we have to keep going. And to keep going we just have to cope. There's no other choice. All that said, 14 months trying doesn't necessarily mean you are infertile. It is definitely worth doing further investigations. I rec being referred to a FS as soon as possible as the tests they run are much more comprehensive than those ordered by GPs. Good luck!

Thanks for your replies. I'm sorry you have troubles conceiving. This is a huge problem of mine - stressing about stress... But how can you not stress when you can't conceive?? Especially when you watch others gp so easily. Ttc is so hard... Thank you for the support. I'll definitely visit a fertility specialist asap. I wish you best of luck with your ttc. I hope all of us will gp soon.

I have been TTC for years. I know where you are coming from. I know how upsetting and frustrating it is. I went all crazy emotionally when I hit 18 mnths ttc. However I found doing things like booking and seeing a FS, trying things like charting and OPKs and doing something new kinda made me feel like I was doing something at least.

It is really hard to stay positive and pretty much impossible not to think about it and stress, considering how many times in a month we have our bodies reminding us. What I did find that helped (a bit) is to realise that we have no control over when it happens. We can do everything right and then you just have to let nature take its course.

It is hard, and now you have reached 14 months I would seek seeing a FS, as it was mentioned above. It will at least make you feel like you’re doing something. Then you can have testing to make sure your tubes are clear and your partner's sperm is fine. You would hate to go for another 14 months and then find out you had either of these issues.
Hang in there OP, I know it’s hard but when you get to where you want to be it is worth it. Good luck with it all and hopefully your waiting until your pregnant won't be much longer.

It is just the worst feeling and I am so sorry you are going through this. I so can sympathize! You are not alone in the way you are feeling.

I can’t agree more with ladies who posted above. You need to meet with fertility specialist. They will do all your testing in one shot. They can recommend the best treatment for you. You don't have to feel rushed into doing an IVF cycle right off the bat. You can take your time, may be try a monitored cycle, also may be a couple of Clomid cycles. Just know that you always have an opportunity to have ivf. It helped me a lot mentally.

Just one thing though, I was trying for three years. I’ve tried many things but eventually did IVF with donor eggs. Everything went great and I conceived from the first try (after 3 failed IVF cycles with own eggs). I just want to say, don’t waste your time and keep in mind you still have other options to get preg. All the very best, hang in there.

We have been TTC for 2 yrs now. I have PCOS which was only discovered a few months ago which I felt as a crushing blow all on its own.
I feel your pain and frustration with friends falling pregnant. Almost all of my friends are currently pregnant, including 2 of them having twins! While I am soo happy for them and I really am, it drives me crazy when they continually remind me 'How unexpected it was" or "It just happened so quickly". All of them have been pleasantly suprised or they have fallen pregnant within their first month of trying... The thing which helps me mentally is to research what the next step will be. I mean if this doesn't work, we can try IVF, and then after that we could try donor eggs. So I have another option up my sleeve if conceiving naturally didn't work. It just calms me down to know there are a couple more variants we could try in future.
Embrace how you feel, if you don’t, the stress can make it harder. Surround yourself with love, support and information!! Make sure you have a good Dr/ Specialist who understands and takes your feeling and concerns seriously. It's important to choose the right FS for you. It's better to talk to more than one and get as many recs as you can before making your choice. Never give up!

Thank you everyone for your very supportive replies. All your advice has helped me a lot over the last couple of days - especially yesterday when I learned of another two close friends who are now expecting (as happy as I am for them, it hurt like hell!)

Thanks for your recommendations. I’ll have a meeting with fertility specialist next week. I know my only choices are to stop trying or keep going. And I definitely want to keep going. Somehow I will just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and find a way to get through those really difficult days. On a slightly different note, can anyone tell me if fertility specialists always work out of IVF centres? I've done a search online and most of them seem to... does this mean they might be likely to encourage couples to try IVF even if there are no diagnosed fertility issues? I'm not against trying IVF further down the track, but don't feel we're quite there yet, and I want a FS who will be supportive of this. Thanks again everyone.

@CammieD9 glad you've found help on this thread.
I'm no expert but with our situation ivf was mentioned as a thing way down the line. I've had a laparoscopy and then ovulation stimulants, if that doesn't work then it'll be IUI then as a last resort IVF. I feel my surgeon wants it to be a last resort too. Also the nurses, they're always like hopefully we won't see you again!
We're nhs and it's called the fertility unit, not ivf centre.
Don't know if that helps but I don't feel, in our case, that IVF is jumped straight in to.
Let us know how your appointment goes x