When to quit ttc

[Michellebops]

I'm 42, with an almost 4 year old.

I had a missed miscarriage last October and following a few issues haven't managed to conceive again.

I had a laparoscopy with ovarian cysts removed in June along with division of adhesions. Consultant put dye through my tubes and all ok.

Had 21 day bloods in March which confirmed I was ovulating.

Af has just arrived 5 days late. I'm gutted as I conceived last year after same operation.

If I had been pregnant this month then my due date would have still been before my 43rd birthday.

Do I just stop trying now? I think I need to make a decision as I don't want to be too old, equally done want to leave my daughter as an only child.

I think it's all starting to get on top of me, and I'm feeling so sad.

I know only I can make the decision but I feel it's already made for me as the ttc part just isn't happening.

If you got this far thank you for reading 😔

We're just moving this over to conception for the OP.

It sounds like you're feeling really disheartened and like maybe you SHOULD give up TTC, but actually you really want to continue. Personally, I'd continue. Why is 'before your 43rd birthday' a cut-off? If you want to keep trying and at least have a shot at giving your DC a sibling, why stop now?

Hi @Michellebops so sad you are feeling down about this. Try and stay positive, I don't think any age is too old as long as you both feel fit and healthy. You never know what is going to happen in life a child could have young parents and lose them before a child with older parents. The average parent age has risen to its highest level in the past few years so I really wouldn't worry. Just keep trying and try to relax you have a good chance of something still happening , I'd say stop thinking about age and counting down to birthdays and enjoy your daughter and partner without overthinking, it seems this is when most people conceive.

I'm been trying for no1 for a year and still nothing, so I am giving myself this talk every day xxxx

Thank you @zafferana & @Maisy24 for replying.

Yes I'm totally disheartened.

When I told some people last year I was pregnant they either raised their eyes, asked if it was planned or basically told me I was too old! I was due around my birthday.

I'm now feeling I'm a year further down the line and no further forward.

My partner works 12 hours shifts and parents who help with childcare just now are approaching 70 and I feel the longer it takes I know I won't be able to rely on them as it would be unfair of me. They should enjoy their retirement not providing me free childcare.

Due to partners shifts he also has to sort out his elderly parents at night too who are approaching 80 with health issues so I barely see him til 8/9pm at night. I haven't told him how I'm feeling as I don't like showing any weakness.

Just a sad day and I'm sure I'll be brighter tomorrow.

Think I'll have a glass of wine and a wee cry once my daughter is in bed xx

@Maisy24 I hope it happens for you soon x

If your DPs are too old really to help out then can you manage without their help? Do you need it in order to work? Can you afford nursery or childminder instead? If so, I don't see why that should be a barrier to you continuing to try. You're older now, so it might well take longer, but many women are successful in having babies in their 40s so while you should definitely be realistic about your chances, it would be a shame to give up when it sounds like it's just external stuff (who gives a fuck what other people think!), rather than what you and your DP want

I have a childminder however not full time as it's expensive. I work full time as company refused reduced hours. Daughter doesn't start school until next year. I was hoping with a second my application to reduce hours would be accepted or need to look for another job.

My lovely friend had her first baby at 43 naturally, you prob have better odds having already had a child. Maybe just take a mental break from it but don't stop trying as such.

@Michellebops don't let other people's opinions rule change your mind! Screw them, I bet you are an amazing parent and if you want to have another then you keep on trying! I agree just to take the pressure of yourself and try to think that whatever is meant to happen will happen. And if you can't rely on parent you will find a way around it, we always do!

Xxxxx

Hiya,

Just come over from my own thread that you posted on - Hello!

I don't think you're too old.
I think feeling this can depend on who you are surrounded by. I already have one DD. At her first school, I was one of the older Mums. Since moving school, I'm about average, with a fair few older than me with their first.

It doesn't sound like you're ready to give up yet. Telling you partner how you feel might help, but understand it isn't always easy to have time for more in-depth conversations than 'what's for dinner?'

Thanks all.

Partner and I discussed and he's not ready to give up just yet.

Fingers crossed this will be our month ❤️