I don't know how much more of this I can take

[Chanel05]

Please talk some sense into me.

I've been ttc since June 2018, finally fell pregnant in February and had a mmc. Have been ttc again since May and I can feel af is just about to begin. I am 12dpo, had a 0.5 degree temp drop this morning and am having the usual 'heavy' feeling. I literally feel like I can't hack this anymore, I'm desperate to be pregnant again and I just don't know what to do. I don't want to have any months break and I don't want to stop opks/temping because I will just constantly fret. How do people cope? My doctor said the clock reset after the mmc and I can't go back until May 2020. Feeling pretty emotional 😢.

I'm so sorry, @Chanel05 - it's so hard. Would you be in a position to have some basic tests done privately? Many clinics offer a "fertility MOT" that might give you some answers as to why it's taking a while. Even the act of doing something might help your state of mind. I know from experience it's absolutely soul-destroying and doing something constructive and taking control helped me a lot.

@Chanel05 so sorry you're feeling like this and for everything you've gone through. it absolutely sucks. CD1 is the absolute worst, it painful, bloody and so disappointing, just remind yourself every day after will be a little less sucky and AF will be over before you know it.

The only thing that has helped me personally is doing little projects around the house and going for long walks, its the only thing that stops me thinking about TTC every second of every day. Sometimes I feel like an absolute failure for not being able to conceive and then I finish a project and the sense of achievement reminds me I'm not and makes me feel a lot more positive in general.

You are not alone and every day is a day closer to your BFP. Have a good cry and let it all out, then refocus and treat yourself to something yummy/relaxing. Really hope it happens for you soon x

@RedPandaFluff we can afford the basic tests but DH is really quite against it and says that we managed to conceive within a year so there's probably nothing wrong. I would get them tomorrow.

@chanel05 I'm so sorry, specially as your gp sounds so unsympathetic. CD 1 is hell,especially when you have done everything within your power to conceive. I read in one book about TTC about changing the way you think about your period, so you see it as a clean new cycle and evidence that your womb is working and cleaning itself for a brand new month. It is well high impossible to think that on cd1 though.

I didnt want to read and run. I am so sorry about your loss. Wishing you all the best to get pregnant again very soon

@Chanel05 I totally feel your pain i hate every month getting so excited to just have a period. I have been trying for 2 years i miscarried 6 months ago. Its horrible feeling took me 2 and a half year to fall with my son his now almost 4. Doctors wont do anything until i have been trying for another 6 months and even them wont do much as i have 1 kid already. Wish you all the best fingers crossed.

How old are you, @Chanel05, if you don't mind me asking?

@RedPandaFluff I'm 29, 30 very soon.

Hi @Chanel05 I've been wondering how you are. You don't need sense talking into you none of this is easy and to be grieving on top of the desperation of wanting a baby and trying so hard and it not happening is the hardest thing to go through.

Can you see another doctor in your surgery? My clock didn't reset after my mmc and I'm having tests under the fertility clinic. I'm sure if you haven't had a live birth you are eligible to be seen, even if you have concieved. Can you check your local ccg guidelines? Your doctor can still do some tests as you're at 12 months now. It took 4 months to get ours back and to process the referral. By the time I go back to see our consultant we'll be at 22 months and so nearly eligible for ivf by that point and we haven't tried any interventions yet.

I haven't really got much advice on what helps because I don't really find they do help, they just distract from the pain and sadness for a short while. I have found a local yoga class which I do enjoy, the teacher is very focused on healing so I do that once a week and genuinely look forward to it. Other than that, ttc and pregnancy is on my mind all the time.

I really hope it happens for you soon, sending love ❤️ Xx