TTC has changed me!

[secretllama]

Currently on cycle 5 of ttc...

I was quite excited at the start but wasnt daft and knew things dont happen instantly but 4 cycles down and I've completely changed

Every time AF arrives I'm gutted...I've been wasting money and testing ridiculously early. This month was the worst to date as I had cramps for over a week before period was due and had convinced myself it was implantation.

2 of my friends who started ttc just a month before me are now pregnant and I feel like an awful selfish person for feeling gutted when they told me. Why does it change you so much into a jealous monster?

I feel selfish for feeling this way when people have gone through a hell of a lot longer than me and i know it can take years , but the thought of this monthly emotional rollercoaster going on for years I'm struggling to imagine how I would deal with it ...

I dont know why I'm posting this other than just to let it all out! All after 4 bloody months!!!

Hi OP

Sorry you’re feeling this way, I just wanted to say you are not alone and you’re not selfish. We all have our own battle with conceiving and it’s painful individually.

I have been trying for just below 7 years for #2 and every time one of my friends announce a pregnancy a little bit of me dies inside and I give up all hope but now I’ve dedicated myself to really ttc and I’m starting fresh as a new month so I’ve disredarded the past 6 or so years as I wasn’t trying with all my heart.

I get the same as you when people lean on me for support when they’ve only been trying a month or so compared to mine and others years BUT I have to remember we are all struggling no matter how long or short the try is and eventually we will all get our BFP.

I know it’s hard to think that way but it really does help and you’re in the right place here for support and people to go through it with. I wish you all the best and baby dust for those hopeful BFPs x

@secretllama I totally understand where you are coming from!

My son is 4 and when I tried for him I got pregnant the first month, so I thought this will be easy! I was so wrong

It's only been 10 months for me but feels like 30! After 6 months it got in between me and my husband too, we rowed and stopped trying for a couple of months. The torture of the TWW is unbearable and then the disappointment of getting AF each month is like you grieve every single month.

My friends / sisters all have 2/3/4 kids, some with babies still and I find it hard when hey send me photos, but I don't want to sound harsh to stay (I don't want to see them!!)

And then you get people say, well you have 1 child be grateful for that, which I so am don't get me wrong, but I want another baby so badly, I never wanted my son to be an only child, me having 5 siblings I wanted a big family.

Two months ago I had so many symptoms, a faint positive test and 2 days late, I thought this is it!! then dreaded AF came!! its so cruel.

Anyhoo, don't feel guilty at the way you are feeling, it is totally natural weather it is 4 months or 24 months, when I get AF I have a glass of wine, have a bath, watch a good film (cry if I need too) then dust myself off thinking about testing OPK's again.

Fingers crossed it happens for us both soon xxxxx

@AllHopeAndNoResults @HayleyD84

Yep it is so cruel to go through this every month...

I'm most shocked at how quickly Its changed me, my friend could have told me 6 months ago she was pregnant and I'd have felt nothing but happiness but because I'm also now trying it's a different story!

I feel better even having posted this and reading your replies...I've been a lurker since starting but decided to day I just needed to post!

Wishing you all the best and fingers crossed for us all

Hi OP, I know exactly how you feel! I am also on cycle 5 TTC#1. AF arrived yesterday and I also had the cramps for a week before so had convinced myself I was pregnant, I did a test yesterday morning which was BFN and then my period came a few hours later

It does seem like everyone else is getting pregnant super quick or without even trying! I get so upset when I see pregnant women or women with babies. I try to remind myself it has only been 4 cycles and it doesn't mean anything is wrong! It's just so hard when i want it soooooo much.

@Lozzy25

You're post could have been written by me, AF arrived yesterday too, cycle 5 for me too. I was convinced before yesterday j was pregnant, never get cramps any more than an hour before AF and it was mild and dull cramps for a week! Hoping it happens for us and we get our BFPs

@secretllama I think secretly this site is what changes us. Once you see other people having the same thoughts and in the same position you are even more determined to try more or try different tracking methods. DTD different days etc. OPKs temping. Early testing. Trying does take over.

Much easier said than done. But you have to stay calm. Enjoy the trying for now. Until you have a reason to worry. Make plans as they can always be cancelled.

Try not to only DTD because it's a certain day.

Stay positive. It will happen.

I really hope that everyone gets their BFPs asap.

X