Coping with everyone else around you getting pregnant

[Jen306]

I’m not normally a jealous person but now we are a few months in to TTC (I know it’s not that long but) I’m finding myself feeling quite resentful of other people. 4 people I know have announced their pregnant in the last month or two, and even just being around my sister in law and brother in law who both have babies just feels hard I don’t want to hold them because it just makes me think what if this never happens for us, it was me who really wanted kids like before we got married but now my husband has seen his brother and sister with their children he really wants it and that makes it harder to watch him with them. I don’t want to feel this way it’s just crept up on me. No one knows we’re trying, nor do I want them to and I’m trying to hide how I feel, I know that I’m being unreasonable but I don’t seem to be able to snap out of it.

Is it just me or do others feel like this? How do you cope?

Oh yes, it's hard. We tried for two years including one miscarriage and during that time facebook seemed to be one giant baby announcement. One thing to remember is that just like nobody knows you're trying, you probably also don't know that about most people before they get pregnant. I sometimes felt like I was the only one to whom it didn't come easily, only to find out later that the majority of my friends also had some kind of delay or problem. And 4 months is really very short (though it may not feel like it!) so there's no reason to worry just yet. Good luck, hope you get your bfp soon!

Sorry, just saw that you didn't say 4 months. But unless you suspect a problem or are a bit older, the advice is to seek help after a year.

Thanks @hipstercat it’s just hard and I completely get that you don’t know what other people have been through to get pregnant. Unfortunately my sister in law and one of my closest friends don’t mean to I’m sure but almost brag about how quickly they got pregnant and keep saying to me it’s fine to wait as it’s so easy to time it how you want to. I know they don’t mean anything by it but it’s hard to just smile and nod!

I’m in my early 30s and have a slight reservation about fertility health (I’m paranoid that my tubes may be damaged after my ex-fiancé left a parting gift of an STI). I am a bit of a pessimist about everything so guess I’m thinking the worse case scenario!

Oh that's so insensitive of them. Wouldn't you like to let them know you're trying? They're probably just thoughtless and don't mean to make you feel bad!
If you're worried about your fertility I'd say see a doctor earlier. That's a really good reason to have your tubes checked. It will either put your mind at ease or allow you to take action and avoid waiting unnecessarily.

No I don’t really want to tell them. I’m quite a private person and personally cope better with problems by people not knowing. I just have to remind myself they’re not saying these things on purpose! It’s just been harder this last week or so!
I actually get on really well with my sister in law but she would tell my mother in law who would not only ask every month if we were pregnant but also tell everyone we know that we’re trying. I’d really hate that! We’ve always said if we get pregnant we won’t tell them until we’re ready for everyone in the world to know!

I thought unless you’d been trying for a year that GPS wouldn’t do anything about sending you for tests etc.

Yes, I can totally see why you don't want to tell people. I hope you can manage to stay positive and forgive the insensitive comments. And hey, no better place to go for a good grumbling session than mumsnet, eh? We're always here to listen!

The GP may well say that you should come back after a year, but I think if you have any reason to suspect the STI might have caused problems, it would be worth insisting you're seen earlier. You can always try! Did you get treated for it at the time though? Would they not have diagnosed potential problems back then?

Thanks @hipstercat sorry turned into a bit of a rant!

Long story I was with my ex fiancé for 7years he was my first boyfriend and first first too! I trusted him explicitly, turns out he was cheating on me but I only found this out a couple of years after we broke up. When I found out I got tested and was positive for chlamydia I was mortified mainly for being so dumb in not knowing he was cheating but also to not have tested etc.

It was naive of me but he’d told me that he’d been tested (turns out that was a lie) when we first started sleeping together and then we were engaged I thought we were faithful so never cropped up and even after we broke up it was because of strains on jobs meaning going long distance and it just didn’t work out so not like we split because I found out about the cheating.

Anyway I got tested the day I found out! and then took the antibiotics as instructed. The thing that worries me is I don’t know how long i’d had the infection could have been for years and years! I mentioned this at the time but they were only concerned about treating it - not potential long term complications.

Ugh that sounds awful, so sorry you had to through that. I don't really know much about this but chlamydia can have consequences for fertility, right? So I would definitely think that's something a doctor should take seriously if at the time there was no assessment of this. Don't get me wrong, I know how they can fob you off, but it's worth asking about surely. It's difficult to find the balance between not worrying too much before you have evidence of a problem, and taking action early, and I guess the trade off between those is very personal. So giving it a few more months before getting tests done may well be best for you. But I do think if you are worried about it, assuming that the GP will not be interested shouldn't be the reason not to ask for help.

Having chlamydia for a long time can cause fertility problems. As you don’t know how long you had it, you would be wise to make an appointment with the GP and discuss it. Good luck