When did you know you were ready for a second baby?

[chocpop]

Hi there!

I'm posting to get a bit more information on how other mums felt when faced with the dilemma of when to have their second baby (if they wanted one, of course).

So, a bit of background information. My DD is 5 months old and up until a few weeks ago I wasn't even sure if I could handle a second (I had a fairly traumatic birth and stay in hospital that took me months to 'get over' and as a result I found the first two or so months quite hard going). But something has 'clicked' in me that I think I would like a second.

I always said I wanted a small gap between my children and I would rather have children early (I had DD at 24, I'm 25 now), so when I'm finally back to work full time I can focus on my career entirely. I know the next few years I'll be working PT for childcare reasons, so I'm thinking it would make sense to hurry things along in a way.

However, I'm wary of actually going ahead with it because of how hard I initially found it. Some anxiety and depression issues cropped up again having laid dormant for a few years (I suffered from a traumatic event while studying at university which I'd worked hard on dealing with but the new stresses of being a new mum brought them out again). I would say I'm back to myself, now, though.

We're in a good position as DP loves being a father and would love a second, as well as owning a home with another free bedroom so we wouldn't be cramped in etc. We also wouldn't start trying until DD is a year old as I want to make sure we aren't rushing into it.

So what was it that made you feel ready? I really just want to ensure it's the right decision so I'd really appreciate any of your thoughts and/or experiences. Thank you

Hi,
My DS is almost 10 and we are trying for our 2nd.
It took me a long time to decide on having another. I always wanted another but life never seemed to be right (husband working late as a chef, medical issues, finances).
We are now in a better position and have decided now is the time.
For me it was a lot about the outside influences i mentioned. I was only 19 when i had my little man and it has taken us a while to build everything we have so now is the right time for us but everyone is different. If it feels right for you then go for it :D

I didn't my DD was 9 months old and I found out I was pregnant again I was scared upset and excited and worried throughout the whole pregnancy on how I'd cope, it was so hard st first juggling the jealousy from my dd for the new baby doing night feeds and then up early for my DD.
However now they are 2.5 and 4 and best friends they do fight like cat & dog but there is so much love there for each other. I'm now expecting baby number 3 and they are both excited to meet this one. It will all work out x

DS is 6 and I’m still not sure.

I couldn’t have had 2 close together because mentally I wouldn’t have coped. I know that and am not afraid to admit it.

Over the past couple of years I’ve thought we might have missed the opportunity as DS gets older do we want to start again?

But now I’m leaning towards how lovely it would be to have another and DS has reached an age where he seems like much less work!

At the age I am now I know I’d be much more chill too.

But I’m still not sure ....

I found the whole thing totally traumatic until DD was a Yr old, and didn't even think about having a second until the last few months. DD is now 5. I would hate another baby but love another child. I am still weighing up if I can cope with that first year again, but the fact I am hanging out on a conception forum suggests I am wanting to go for it despite my misgivings! At least this time I would know that the baby stage comes to an end. If I could give birth to a toddler I'd probably have 3 by now!

Thanks for your responses! I think I'm also wary of having another because of the lack of sleep, etc. Especially as DD has been a great sleeper and I still found it tough at the start so I'm wondering how I'd cope if the next one was up all night .

I think I'll need to see how DD is as a toddler and base it off that- if shes a nightmare I'll probably have my hands full! Although trying to be sensible is hard when I've got this rush of broodiness all of a sudden

When my daughter was a baby, I was convinced I could never do it again. I had a traumatic birth & she was one of these weird newborns who never slept in the daytime. Wasn’t easy. She cried a lot. I also found myself longing for my freedom back. I could not understand why or how people had more than one!

Butt as she got older, I found myself starting to change my mind. I’ve always known a close gap wasn’t for us, for my own mental health, I wanted my daughter more independent, settled in nursery a few days a week & potty trained if possible! (awful morning sickness & nappies, no thank you!)

She’s 25 months now & a bonkers toddler! She’s so busy. And stubborn. And hilarious. She loves other children & wants to go to nursery everyday.. I can’t wait to give her a sibling to play with at home!

But I’m very glad we’ve waited until now to start trying. The thought of having a newborn & her ..! We did however crack potty training at 23 months, which was unexpected. So at least that’s off my list

There’s no rush I say. Enjoy your little one, you’ll only have one child once. Enjoy all the attention you can pour into them! And I think if you know you want a second at some point, then the time to start trying will come to you naturally.

Really good advice Bol87! It's mad how you can be so against something and then one day you wake up and you're like actually... maybe I do want this!

You're right that there isn't a rush. I'm so naturally impulsive I really have to rein it in sometimes . Although DDs recent week of not wanting to sleep has definitely reminded me that it isnt a walk in the park . I know once we are sure itll be the best decision for us- I definitely want to give her a sibling but I'm aware that'll bring a whole new world of challenges and I need to make sure I'm as in a good of a place as I can be!