Terrified of IVF

[SelfSabotager]

After a year of TTC we've been diagnosed as having unexplained infertility and are about to start IVF, our first consultation is next week and I am terrified. I've never wanted to have IVF for the following reasons:

1. I am worried the medication will turn me into an emotional wreck

2. Every time i get my period I burst into tears, with the stakes higher, I am not sure I can cope with the heartbreak if this happens during our IVF cycle

3. I am worried they will implant the wrong embryo

I have anxiety and OCD which doesn't help as my main symptom is intrusive thoughts, I am planning on going back to my CBT therapist for help, especially with point 3 above which I know is totally irrational.

In the meantime can anybody help with practical advice to reassure there is nothing to fear from IVF?

Thanks

I'm sorry, IVF is a hard process but it is totally manageable. I personally found that the various drugs had no impact on my emotions at all (I was on steroids too which made me very hungry but that's slightly different!). The process itself was fine if long and tedious with lots of injections and medications and scans but you're generally given quite easy to follow instructions. You're also unlikely (although it's not impossible) to get your period as the progesterone you take will hold it off. I realise that doesn't help matters much but just thought it was worth saying. I think the important thing is not to get your hopes too high - the majority of first cycles fail and it often takes a couple of rounds.

Re the wrong embryo, I can totally understand that irrational fear but there are loads of checks in place and the clinics have very very strict protocols that they follow to make sure there are no mistakes.

Thank you for your message, I know I will feel better once we've had the consultation and have all the proper information rather than my imagination! I'm glad to know you have had a positive experience

Regarding the wrong embryo, you and your partner get asked several times to confirm names and DOB. The drugs were fine, injections were fine, scans are fine. The waiting is the hardest bit I found. To prepare I read a lot about IVF and also listened to podcasts which almost normalised IVF. I suggest reading 'Get a Life his & hers guide to IVF'. It is manageable but probably more emotional harder than physical. Try to understand that it is long process and may take several attempts, but with each attempt the clinic will learn more about how you respond to the treatment and changes to protocols can be made.

I've had 2 cycles so totally understand.

1&2. I used to be absolutely awful every time I got my period. I would cry. Shut friends out. Basically I was beyond emotional. During ivf though I felt like I had some control. The hormones were like bad pms and when that cycle failed I did lose it but I took time of work as I knew when test day was going to be and I just grieved for the pregnancy that's wasn't to be.

1. This will not happen. I was worried about this too but you will be stickers, name tagged, asked over and over again to repeat your name and date of birth. At egg collection and embryo transfer 2 different nurses had to check the name and date of birth in my notes, wrist tags, syringes, embryo dish, EVERYTHING.

The ivf world is governed by very strict codes of practise and guidelines (the HFEA) in the UK.

My second cycle worked btw. So if your first doesn't - don't be disheartened.

I also had no emotional side effects from the medications, they're more of a practical hassle than anything else.

It's vanishingly unlikely the wrong embryo would be implanted, as pp said there are multiple checks in place.

That said there's no question IVF is a horribly stressful process. Everyone has their own coping strategy, personally I found it helped to keep as busy as possible especially during the 2ww and I was very strict about not testing until the official testing day. Others cope differently I know. Be really kind to yourself and hang in there!

For stress and anxiety I would also totally recommend accupuncture.

Drugs had no effect on my mood at all and I quite enjoyed doing the injections. They won't implant the wrong embryo. They check and check again.

The waiting is difficult but you've been doing this every month anyway, sweets. The stakes are higher I agree, but so is the chance of a successful outcome.

IVF is a means to an end. It's the best way for you to have the baby you desperately want. It's an emotional time, but it's also a wonderful time. My son is six. I did it three times. I wouldn't change a thing.

Most clinics are happy to provide counselling. This might help alleviate some of your anxieties. NB. Counselling has a far better and evidenced rate of success than alternative treatments like acupuncture (which have none beyond a placebo effect).

Thank you all for your messages, I am feeling more positive after reading them

@LillyLeaf will definitely check out Get a Life his & hers guide to IVF can you recommend any Podcasts in particular

@mustdrivesoon I am considering trying acupuncture

@codemonkey I know the clinic we are using offers counselling and I will be using this service

Also another book is 'it starts with the egg' it's pretty full on but some good advice about supplements to take for egg quality like Ubiquinol. Some good podcasts are 'BFN' although they are both pregnant now so can be hard to listen to (especially as if I hadn't miscarried twice I would have been at the same weeks pregnant as both of them). 'the fertility podcast', 'the ttc life raft', 'lets talk fertility with Izzy Judd' she's a bit twee for me but has interesting guests. They really helped me understand the process which makes it less scary and then you start to see how amazing the science is. Good luck. Pop over to the infertility boards, there are lots of people just starting out.

@SelfSabotager It's ok I know exactly where you are coming from, it's all the unknowns and also the what if's. I've just started my first cycle of IVF and I've spent hours reading every single leaflet, website and forum I can find! The forums are so helpful as you get the real answers...although it is a different experience for everyone. I've had lots of counselling and CBT in the past and have a tendency to go straight to the worst case scenario!

I think the best advice I can give is just try and take each stage as it comes...hard as it is!! Also get a contact at the clinic to call for any questions you have, big or small. I too get anxious and have found that I've been so tired and the thoughts of literally...how does the world work and what is every eventuality I can think of just drained me more - you need all the energy for your body to grow your possible BFP!

My hormones in all honesty have been up and down, I started fine and then went a bit crazy between day 2-5 on the stims. The main thing to know is it's natural for the hormones to do that to you, it's ok to cry, don't be hard on yourself and that you are not alone. Talking is the best therapy. I stayed in my onsie for 3 whole days and pretty much cried 50% of the time but now I am on day 9 and I feel great. I also ate LOTS of chocolate...that helped!!

The injections are easy once you get the hang of them and if you pinch an inch right they don't hurt. I was petrified of needles and have managed to do every single one myself so if I can do it you can!

The hospitals have very strict protocols and you have to confirm who you are so much you start to forget...it took me two goes today to say my name right tee-hee! There's absolutely no chance of a mistake.

I hope you find some comfort in the forums - I've found there are a lot of lovely ladies that are going through exactly the same feelings the thoughts and it's ok to talk x