The frustration is real today

[Beanchopper]

So I am really start to feel the frustration today, sorry for venting and wonder if anyone feels the same?

Bit of back ground to explain, I had an awful cycle last time, it was 51 days long, lots of false positives due to dodgy tests. Mentally i really struggled.

So I decided to relax this cycle and not track to intense as previous.

My cycles are anything between 28-36 days long and I am now on day 35. I had light brown spotting fri-sun. Questioned it, thought it was af showing up. But it was only there when I wiped so I researched that implantation bleed can be light pink or brown. Tried not to get my hopes up (wishful thinking). And for some reason had the urge to test yesterday and thought I saw a faint positive but then tested today is negative. So I am guessing it was an evap, as people said it didn’t have colour on a poll I put up.

Tonight I am having very strange cramps and bloating. So now I am thinking af is going to show up at any time.

I guess I am just so down of seeing second lines and then not being true positives. We have been trying over 3 years (been together 10years and never actually prevented pregnancy). We are looking into fertility treatment but I need to loose 4 stone before I can get help.

Desperate to fall pregnant and fed up of the emotional rollercoaster. My partner is trying his best to support me but I know he doesn’t fully understand the emotional/mental drain it has on me.

Sorry to hear you’re having a tough time. Ttc can be really shit, especially as you don’t tend to be open about it in RL so it’s this secret little disappointment every cycle. Hope you get the BFP you want soon.

Maybe concentrate on what you can do to give yourself the best chance? Could you use OPKs to pinpoint ovulation as your cycle is not regular? (I started using them recently because my cycle can vary a lot). Maybe temperature chart too to see if there is a pattern? Or focus on getting your health as good as possible e.g. folic acid, nice healthy diet? Do you have any support to help you get to your target weight?

Hugs. Nothing to say to help I'm afraid, but here to offer sympathy. How is it that pregnancy signs are so close to AF signs? Who knew it could be so difficult to get pg.