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Can’t shake this feeling!

6 replies

HollyDollyLolly · 22/04/2019 15:53

I’ve NC’d for this.
Myself and my OH first got together as teenagers - we had few years of ‘on and off - but now as adults in our mid twenties are very stable in our relationship. We own our home.

My job is very much a job where I’m in a way expected to have children of my own. Many of my colleagues do, and my friends outside of work, have children. Aside from that, my colleagues and friends all work shift work - our social lives/get togethers etc are therefore often during the week, afternoons etc.

After the loss of a very much treasured grandparent a few months ago, I am very much aware of how quickly time passes and how precious ‘family’ is.

Myself and OH have always always discussed that we’d both like children, but that seemed in the very distant future - up until recently.

Now I feel very much ready to start a family, I’m excited for the doors that it would open - a difference in dynamics in our relationship and our extended family; a different kind of social life with friends.
My other half however isn’t ready yet - and seems to push our rough time frame for TTC further and further back.
His friends don’t yet have families, although his sibling and partner are expecting their first baby.
We also put 2 and 2 together and came up with 5 and wrongly thought his other sibling was also expecting. At this point OH seemed excited and keen to want to TTC also - but since we have discovered that they are not pregnant, he has now gone back to not wanting to TTC.

We have just spend the weekend with his family - inc. pregnant SIL and it’s just brought home how I feel.

I have no doubt that if it ‘just happened’ we would be fine and both be absolutely thrilled after the initial shock (OH has said this too) but he just isn’t ready to try yet.

I’m also very conscious of how long it could take us to conceive when he decides he IS ready.

OP posts:
HollyDollyLolly · 22/04/2019 15:55

I’m not sure really what I’m asking or expecting replies to be but just wanted to know if anyone else felt like this and how things turned out in the end!?

OP posts:
Shrewbie · 22/04/2019 16:04

Sort of going through a similar thing. I though we were on the same page re TTC but weren't and I took it sooooooo badly. Didn't help that I'd just come off aunty d's combined with coming off pill to get my body ready. Im still getting over it. It hurt. But it's got to be a joint decision, give it time. That's all I'm doing. It's been a good learning curve for me in terms of understanding DH. Has he said why?

HollyDollyLolly · 22/04/2019 17:01

It’s left me with an almost empty feeling @Shrewbie, it’s bloody hard isn’t it?
He wants to do some go for a promotion at work and further his qualification. But we are financially stable in our current roles and having a family wouldn’t particularly impact on this.
I think he’s scared that it would take away his ability to do things like travelling etc, but we are both such home birds and have expressed no interest in wanting to do anything like that.

OP posts:
Shrewbie · 22/04/2019 17:40

I understand exactly. 💐 You need to have an honest discussion. It's better you find out exactly what it is, you don't want to be strung along. Try not to bring the subject up too often, I struggle with this as it's always on my mind probably the bodyclock's fault. Through this I've found my DH is a closed book in some respects but I'm glad ive found that now rather than later. I think it's a daunting thing at the end of the day, a massive commitment. My problem is that I feel I may have pushed the agenda so much I don't know if DH now just "wants a happy wife, happy life" as it were, which is equally troubling 😂

HollyDollyLolly · 22/04/2019 21:44

But at the same time - what do I do if we do have that honest discussion and I hear something I don’t want to?! If you see what I mean.
I’m just so ready for a new chapter now.
Hope everything works out for you Shrewbie Flowers

OP posts:
Shrewbie · 23/04/2019 18:16

Then you decide what you do next. Decide what you want more. At this point if there's a major wrong page scenario on what you both want from life maybe couples therapy would help discussion without things getting difficult rather than when it's too late? Hopefully this won't be the case for you. Talking through issues is always better than not. You don't want to be strung along or even string yourself along. We're really ok now I think but thank you. There's always a bigger plan, call it fate or whatever but I think we go through things for a reason, even if it's not a reason for our own lives. 😊

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