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Conception

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Never had PIV sex, not sure if I can, want baby

43 replies

TheAnswerIsInABookSomewhere · 11/04/2019 11:48

Hello all, new here and really worrying about asking this.

I am nearly 30. No history of sexual abuse or assault. Identified as gay for a long time although am now in a long term relationship with a wonderful man and I really love him. But I have never had penetrative sex. Never used tampons. The only Cervical smear I had took three appointments and the GP finally had to do it instead of nurse. I've never wanted penetration-- it just doesn't make sense to me. When I first learned about it at school I was just confused by it and that has never changed! It just seems to be a completely absent part of my sexuality. DP and I have active but penetrative sex life.

The thing is, we'd absolutely love to have children. I have no idea what support or help is out there. I feel like the only person in the world with this problem. I read about people trying to conceive for months or years and it fills me with dread how many times they'd have to DTD in that time.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
BoglingToAswad · 11/04/2019 13:02

Thanks, I was already aware of that

Fair point Grin

Sakura7 · 11/04/2019 13:02

It does sound like vaginismus is a possibility. Or a very strong hymen. A friend of mine had the latter, and had surgery to remove it. She's ok now but it was hard at the time, because the physical pain causes a mental aversion as well.

Do see your GP (preferably a female one) and explain exactly what you've said here.

iheartgin · 11/04/2019 13:03

Do you want to carry a baby yourself or would you consider other options such as surrogacy, adoption etc?

If you do want to carry a baby yourself then it sounds like some counselling to unpick your concerns around internal procedures might be useful in finding a way forward.

What are you partners thoughts?

TheAnswerIsInABookSomewhere · 11/04/2019 13:08

As a couple we've discussed adoption, and will absolutely be considering it when the time is right, but I know he'd prefer his own. And I'd love nothing more than if I could see their dad in my children.

OP posts:
Leafyhouse · 11/04/2019 13:09

How about adoption? Is that something you could consider?

Belboeuf · 11/04/2019 13:09

Vaginismus does sound like a possibility worth checking out, OP. You're not alone, though I know someone who has only ever had PIV sex a few times in her life (she is married and has a child) and who does not have smears. In her case, she was abused as a child and, despite counselling, has not been able to overcome the aversion. The wife of a friend of mine is OK with PIV but cannot have smears or internal exams they have two children.

Leafyhouse · 11/04/2019 13:10

Sorry, cross post...

almondykess · 11/04/2019 13:10

I don't see why you wouldn't be able to home inseminate, like some gay or single women do with donor sperm. The injector thingy would be a lot thinner than a penis.

almondykess · 11/04/2019 13:11

Oops, sorry, crosspost Blush and poor phrasing too--i just saw what you said in your OP about tampons.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 11/04/2019 13:12

As an aside OP and everyone else: there is no law to say you must allow vaginal examinations during pregnancy and birth: that needs consent.

That's not to say its wise to refuse - but some of those examinations may be avoidable. There is lots of information on this on the AIMS website. (birth choices) but I think its something that you should try and get to the bottom of for your own sake as well as to have a child.

www.aims.org.uk/journal/item/ves-essential-diagnostic-tool

purplepears · 11/04/2019 13:12

OP
PIV is the least of your worries if you did manage to get pregnant. There's endless examinations and of course, giving birth, possible episiotomy etc.
And it sounds like that's a massive leap for you to get to. Have you thought of a surrogate?

Fishlike · 11/04/2019 13:28

PIV is the least of your worries if you did manage to get pregnant. There's endless examinations and of course, giving birth, possible episiotomy etc.

Not necessarily. I certainly didn't have any internal exams during my pregnancy or while giving birth, as I had an elective CS, which is of course open to the OP.

turquoiseturtle · 11/04/2019 14:02

This is more common than you would think, so don’t feel alone. Here is a story to give you some hope: I have a friend who could not have PIV sex for many years, her body just would not let her. Like you, she was in a happy relationship with a lovely man and they wanted children. She sought specialist medical advice, and after I believe quite a lot of struggle to find a doctor who would take her seriously, she found a supportive GP and with medical assistance has now conceived and given birth to 2 children.

I’m not a doctor, but I think from what you say it’s possible you have the same condition she had, vaginismus.

Basically it means your vaginal muscles go into spasm, ‘closing’ the vagina and making penetration very painful or impossible. There’s a physical/psychological feedback loop, so one episode of painful penetration makes you tense up and spasm more next time, and so on. It isn’t necessarily caused by past trauma or abuse. It can be, but it can also be just something that your body does for no known reason. I wouldn’t read too much into finding the cervical smear painful, as they are (in my experience) damn painful anyway, but it’s possible that having that painful experience has started something of a vicious cycle and made it harder next time.

Here is a good book that explains vaginismus: www.amazon.co.uk/Stop-Painful-Sex-Step-Step/dp/1505255155?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Some people with vaginismus desire PIV sex, but find their body won’t co-operate. In your case you nor your partner actually want to have PIV sex, so that will be another factor making conception difficult. But you don’t necessarily have to have sex multiple times per month to conceive. If you track ovulation, then one correctly timed act can do the trick.

I’m not sure of the exact details of my friend’s treatment, but it was a combination of exercises to relax the vagina enough to make penetration possible, combined with very precise charting of ovulation so she only had to do it once per month.

You are right that the normal medical procedures during pregnancy can be difficult; but I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that you need surrogacy quite yet.

Do seek medical help, and do keep asking if you find the first response is not satisfactory. Not all GPs are well informed about female vaginal pain, but it is something that doctors CAN help with and you deserve help and support.

Don’t let anyone put you down, or make you feel abnormal, on account of this. As I say, I’ve witnessed someone who thought she could never have PIV sex, have 2 healthy children. Good luck. I will be rooting for you!

youaremyrain · 11/04/2019 14:45

Have any of the posters saying "have you considered adoption" actually adopted themselves?

It's not a simple "solution" and if you're in the UK, then most children who are needing families have previously been exposed to drugs/alcohol/neglect/DV and experienced developmental trauma. Parenting them is not an easy option!

turquoiseturtle · 11/04/2019 15:18

I see several other people had already mentioned vaginismus - apologies for not noting your posts - I typed a long reply and then sent it in a hurry!

Just wanted to add:
If PIV sex is too difficult (given that neither you nor your partner desire it mentally, as well as you experiencing physical pain), then maybe you could try artificial insemination at the right point in the ovulatory cycle combined with physical/psychological therapy to help you to tolerate the procedure.

It’s possible to have an elective Caesarean section.

There are ways around things.

It sounds like you and your partner would love a child and would be good parents, this is the main thing!

RainbowFox · 11/04/2019 15:28

youaremyrain yes very aware that adoption is not an easy option and not suitable for everyone. Same as IVF or surrogacy, for different reasons. But it's still a valid option OP can consider and research. It's not like an agency is just going to say 'ok then' if she decided to go down that route. Didn't realise we had to caveat every suggestion with all the pros and cons ourselves. Surely that's for the OP to decideHmm

EleanorOalike · 11/04/2019 15:43

@youaremyrain I initially trained as an Educational Psychologist, have almost two decades experience of working intensively with Looked After Children and I’m at the beginning of the process of adopting as a single person myself, having spent many years researching what I needed to get in place beforehand. My own parents fostered young adults with mental health illnesses for over 20 years. I’m fully aware of what adoption entails and that it’s not an “easy solution”. It is however an option and not for us to decide whether or not the OP and her partner are suitable prospective adopters. There is no reason why adoption should not have been mentioned.

TheAnswerIsInABookSomewhere · 11/04/2019 16:22

Thank you all so much for your replies and for being so lovely and understanding and for reassuring me that this really is okay! I really appreciate the time you've taken. It's given me a lot to think about. And special thanks for the success stories. Love to you all! Flowers

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