Hi. I've never joined a forum before, only stalked from the sidelines. I guess I'm reaching out for reassurance as I'm starting to feel very hopeless.
I have 2 children (born 2009 and 2011) and consider myself incredibly fortunate to have never suffered a loss. However, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for nearly 2 years now and each and every month my heart breaks.....sometimes just a little, the period shows up bang on time (or even a little early) and I can cope with those months. But sometimes my heart literally shatters....tonight being one of those times.
My cycle isn't ideal....has ranged from 28 to 41 days (once), the average is 33 and for the last six months they have all been nearer the lower end. This month I am on day 41. I have had on and off cramping and backache since day 31, when I was sure it was the onset of my period. Which has never materialised (yet). I have experienced several other "symtoms" since then and having fallen foul of symptom spotting before have tried desperately hard not to just "think" I'm feeling something. I'd managed to hold off testing, knowing how devastated I feel getting a negative, but today after getting home from work, my husband and kids nipped out, and I dont know what made me do it but I took a test. And of course it was negative. I just feel so broken and unbearably sad. Now I'm doubting everything I know about myself and feel like a complete idiot. Sorry for the essay, and thanks if you've read it all! But just being able to say all this somewhere has helped....I think