I've been actively TTC for 6 months now although the journey started over 2 years ago when I started investigations into my health and whether a disability I had was inheritable. I had to wait a year for an appointment and a referral and everything took so long, it's exhausting.
In that time my SIL has had 2 babies and is pregnant with a third. Several of my friends have just had their second child, one is on her first I'm happy for them but I feel like my chest is being crushed every time I hear or see an announcement and I know I'm not pregnant. I feel like I'm surrounded by pregnant women.
I'm starting to wallow in despair. I've been saving money, bought a flat and we've put off getting pets because we wanted to have a baby settled first. We've taken cheaper holidays and made lifestyle sacrifices and all sorts because we want to make sure we're "prepared" to have a baby. I'm starting to feel like it's all for nothing.
I was utterly devastated last cycle because I'd convinced myself that I was pregnant. We did everything right but I still got my period and then cried in a toilet cubicle at work.
I don't know. I just feel so low.
I think I just need to get things off my chest to people who understand. I mentioned this to my aunt and she told me about her friend who finally had a baby at 42 after 2 decades of TTC. I know she was probably trying to give me hope that it can happen but honestly I wanted to cry at the thought of waiting twenty bloody years.