TTC with vaginismus/squeamishness?

[narcornot]

I don't know if squeamishness is the right word. First off, I have vaginismus which makes penetration difficult, and I have to be super relaxed in order to do anything. Myself and DH are trying to conceive, and although the sex is enjoyable I seem to freak out at the important part. This has always been the case. I used to think I was afraid of unplanned pregnancy, but now I want a baby it can't be that.

Basically, when he gets close to climax (usually just after me) I tense up and it's almost like my muscles attempt to push him out of me. I hate the sensation of him ejaculating inside, plus it feels uncomfortable, just the squirting feeling and the warmth... it just feels odd to me. I know this is unusual because I've read so many things before about women loving the sensation. The other night he managed to deposit only the tiniest amount before I had to shake my head and have him finish outside. Likewise I hate when he's in too far, anything too close to my cervix is uncomfortable. This has been pretty much the same since we've been together (a decade).

Has anyone else felt the same? I'm beginning to feel like a freak and I'm not sure I'll get very far TTC with this hangup.

Two words. Self insemination. There was a thread on this recently. Get a plastic syringe or similar.

Honestly, don't force yourself to do something you hate just to TTC.

It sounds like your relationship might have wider issues though. Better to address those before you're pregnant/caring for a newborn and highly vulnerable.

I might give the syringe a go, though my condition means it's nearly impossible to insert anything. I cannot have pelvic exams because of this. No tampons or anything.

We have no wider issues, my vaginismus is a purely medical problem. I feel safe with him and attracted to him, just my body likes to betray me a lot! Sex takes a lot of preparation and foreplay.

I was going to suggest self insemination too, although I appreciate the wider issues with penetration. If your muscles were artificially relaxed might that help? I’m thinking of Valium or similar- I’ve taken it for a bad back and certainly all of my muscles felt pretty relaxed!

Unfortunately I react badly to valium, I had considered a glass of wine too but I'm on drugs that don't mix well with alcohol. I'm a mess really! Maybe I just need him to do it when I'm half asleep (but consenting obviously)

The thing is you need to find a way to get around it as I had the same thing but mine was trauma related, when it came to giving birth I couldn't let the midwives insert any fingers to check I was dilated I was screaming with fear and pain they couldn't get anywhere near my cervix at all.

Have you spoken to your GP about this? There may be something they can prescribe something different to help you relax?

It sounds as though with lots of foreplay, penetration is possible. Could you try lots of foreplay and then the self insemination when you're at a point that penetration is possible?

I may consider the self insemination after foreplay, thank you.
@anitagreen I am a trauma sufferer also. I will be requesting an elective c-section for this reason and refusing internal exams.

@narcornot sorry to hear that I tried that too except they wouldn't let me, they gave me counselling in the run up to labour. Then both times I went into labour with my two they left me to do it on my own with no pain relief and I nearly gave birth in the beds on the maternity ward twice. Was really really shit I don't think midwives are really all that clued up on dealing with woman who've suffered trauma and abuse x

That's really terrible, I'm sorry for your experience. I'm going to push as hard as I can, I am already in conversation with my gynae consultant about c section because I also have endometriosis and chronic fatigue x