I?m sorry to say that being vulnerable and on cafeen is no excuse for saying what the hell you want about who the hell you want. Especially on an internet forum where you can read and re-read and correct and review before posting. But in answer to your op?
You are being selfish.
It?s one thing to feel some sadness when someone else gets pregnant and it?s not you, I know only too well the feeling of sadness when my sister rang me to tell me she was pregnant, just hours after I had had a negative pregnancy test myself. But it wasn?t sadness because she was pregnant, it was sadness because I wasn?t. But to say it?s unfair that someone can have a baby at the drop of a hat when that someone doesn?t live the same kind of life as you do is judgemental and selfish. You say that you didn?t come here to be judged, and yet you seem to think it?s acceptable to judge others, you can?t have it both ways.
I?m a great believer that we should be grateful for the things we do have rather than resentful of the things we don?t/can?t have. At least you have one child, that?s far more than some have. There?s another poster on these boards who ttc her first baby for 5 years, who eventually fell pregnant and had a textbook pregnancy, then at 40 weeks she went into labour and the chord got wrapped round her baby?s neck and he was stillborn. She has now been ttc again, unsuccessfully, for the past two years. And yet never have I heard her talk of sadness of other people?s pregnancies, she has only ever been happy for them. She has been to hell and back and yet she is such a positive person, she is an inspiration to all those who resent other people having what they don?t.
You have a child, be grateful for that. Maybe you will never have another baby, maybe you?re not meant to have another baby. But at least you have one. And yes, I feel qualified to say that as I have been ttc for the past two and a half years and accepted a long time ago that I will probably only ever have one child.